Incomplete
by triplehhholic
Summary: They were best friends until tragedy tore them apart. Now ten years later they are back in one another's lives but will a secret endanger that friendship or will it finally give them what they've both been waiting for. Eachother. AU HHH/Steph.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Stephanie looked at the scrapbook in front of her. She smiled softly as her fingertips lightly traced the happy faces in the glossy photograph. Paul had his arm draped casually across her shoulder and his blonde hair was covered by his baseball cap which was pulled on backwards. He always wore it like that especially back then when he'd thought it really cool. His usual cocky smirk adorned his face as he posed for the camera. They had been ten years old when this picture was taken. They had been at Millie Stevens' birthday party. The only reason they had been there was because the whole class had been invited. It certainly wasn't because Millie had been their friend. In fact, it had been the polar opposite. She was their sworn arch enemy and quite frankly they hated her and with good reason. Millie was the picture perfect little girl and totally up herself. She wore frilly dresses and pretty curls and looked down her nose at girls like Stephanie. She was the token tomboy with messy pigtails and grubby dungarees who preferred collecting snails and climbing trees instead of playing with Barbie dolls and stupid plastic tea sets. In fact, it was while she was climbing one particular apple tree that Stephanie had met six year old Paul Levesque.

_Stephanie's tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she lifted her leg onto the lower branches. She grunted as she pulled the rest of her small body up. She gripped the tree tightly as she glanced down at the ground. Strands of hair had escaped her loose ponytail. Her faded denims were covered in dried in muck and moss had stained the knees green. One small hand rested against the rough bark of the trunk while the other brushed back the hair that tickled her face. Her feet now balanced precariously on the long, thick branch as she stopped to catch her breath._

"_You'll never do it. You're just a stupid girl." _

_Stephanie's nose wrinkled with her disgust as she heard his voice. She scowled and glanced up in the direction the voice had come from. She saw a pair of sneakers swing to and fro among the leaves above her. _

"_Get lost, dork!" she called out to the feet. She gritted her teeth determinedly as she grabbed the branch in front of her and positioning her foot correctly, she hoisted herself on to the next branch. She puffed and blew the hair out from her eyes as her arm gripped the thick trunk of the tree. An apple went hurtling by her and she heard him chuckling. She glared angrily at the pair of legs now in front of her. "Stop that!"_

"_Why? You gonna cry?"_

_She clenched her fist and took aim at one of the swinging legs._

"_Ow!" _

_Stephanie smiled triumphantly. "What's wrong dork? You gonna cry?"_

_The leaves rustled as the legs disappeared. She shifted her feet as she shuffled round. As she looked across, she saw the same pair of white sneakers appear on the branch directly opposite her. They were closely followed by a pair of navy track pants, a navy hooded sweatshirt and a pair of brown eyes that glared at her. His nose was scrunched as they stood facing one another, staring as their arms gripped the large tree trunk. _

"_I'm gonna kick your ass!"_

_Stephanie jutted out her jaw determinedly. She wasn't intimidated by him. She was used to bullying boys. Her older brother, Shane, picked on her and tormented her constantly. "I'd like to see you try." she replied._

"_Oh I will. I'll be waiting for you at the bottom." the boy replied, menacingly._

"_Well, maybe I'll make it to the bottom first."_

_The boy snorted. "Yeah right. You're a girl, you idiot. I can beat your ass. Easy."_

_Stephanie placed her free hand on her hip. She flipped back her ponytail. "You think?"_

"_Yeah, I think."_

"_Okay then. I'll race you."_

_The boy snickered. "You wanna race me?"_

_Stephanie nodded her head. "You scared?"_

_He looked at her indignantly. "Of course I'm not scared. I'm not afraid of stupid little girls like you!"_

"_Well I'm not afraid of a jerk-off like you!"_

_The boy pointed his finger at her. "For that I'm going to beat you and then I'm going to kick your ass."_

_Stephanie snorted. "Whatever, lame brain!"_

_The young boy glared at her. "Right then! We'll go on the count of three." He shifted his feet and looked down as he pulled away from the trunk. "One, two……" _

_He scowled as he looked back up and saw Stephanie's head as she disappeared onto the branch below. "You're cheating!" As he scrambled to the wood underneath him, he heard her laughter. His heart pounded in his chest as he began to descend the tree. As his feet touched the grass below, he straightened up and saw her blue eyes laughing at him. Her hands were on her hips and a smug smirk crossed her face._

_Without saying a word, he grabbed her messy ponytail and yanked it hard. His laughter carried in the wind as Stephanie began to chase after him._

Stephanie smiled fondly as she continued to pore over the photographs. From that moment onwards, she had Paul had been inseparable. Through all the taunting and the teasing, they had somehow become best friends spending every waking moment together until now, twelve years later she was having to face saying goodbye to him.

Stephanie closed over the scrapbook as a wave of sadness washed over her. She placed it down on the double bed and walked across to the open bedroom window. She felt the August heat as the rays from the sun beat down on her face. Paul was leaving today. He was moving to Anaheim in California. He had been accepted into their graphic design and multimedia programme. She had been so proud of him when he had told her the news but deep inside she had also been devastated. She was going to be studying in Boston. For the first time ever, they were going to be thousands of miles apart. And despite promises to keep in touch and see one another during vacations, Stephanie knew she was going to miss him really badly. Paul had become such an important part of her life. He'd been there for her through everything. He'd smeared ice-cream on her face on her seventh birthday. He'd picked up for her when Millie and her little clone friends had tried to bully her. He'd teased her when she'd had to wear a bra for the first time. He'd even told her she looked cute when she'd had to wear ugly braces for most of her sophomore year. He'd been her rock when her cheating scum of a boyfriend had broken her heart. In fact she couldn't remember a time or an event where he hadn't been there. It was going to be scary not having him around to turn to when she needed someone. Yet somehow she was going to have to find a way to cope without him.

She blinked back the tears that burned the back of her throat and glanced at her watch. It was time to go. She was meeting Paul in the park down by the river. They were going to say their goodbyes before his parents drove him to the airport this evening.

Letting out a shaky breath, Stephanie turned around and picked up the scrapbook from the bed. She clutched it to her chest with a heavy heart as she left the house.

Stephanie spotted him as soon as she had entered the park. Paul was sitting on the swing and his hands held onto the chain as his long denim clad legs stretched out in front of him. He was obviously deep in thought. She could tell by the way he was sitting still, staring straight ahead yet seeing nothing. The sun shone down on her face warming her skin and yet she felt so cold inside. Ignoring the couple strolling hand in hand towards her, she sighed and walked across the grass. She gripped the scrapbook even closer to her feeling the tears as they stung her eyes once more. She blinked them back furiously. She had promised Paul that she wouldn't cry today despite knowing there was very little chance she would be able to keep that promise.

She saw Paul look up as he heard her approaching the swings. His blonde hair glinted in the sun and Stephanie pushed back the lump in her throat as she admired him. He was no longer the scruffy little boy with the unruly hair. Instead he had grown into a tall, broad handsome man; her best friend.

"Hey."

She sniffed and somehow managed to smile. "Hey."

Stephanie sat down on the swing hearing it creak underneath her weight. Her bare legs stretched out in front of her. Her manicured nails peeked out through the toe of her sandals.

"So, what's that you've got there?" Paul asked in a soft voice.

She shifted in the seat to smile at him. Her left hand brushed her hair behind her ear with the other handed the scrapbook to him. Her eyes fell on the "Best Friends Always" slogan she had written on the front cover. "It's a gift. For you."

As Paul reached out to take it from her, she saw the unshed emotion in his eyes prompting fresh tears of her own.

"Wow. This is way harder than I thought it would be." Paul sniffed as he flashed that crooked grin of his her way. "I thought I'd feel happy at finally getting rid of your ass. No more nagging. No more chick flicks at the movies. No more t-shirts mysteriously disappearing from my room." he said, raising his eyebrows in her direction.

Stephanie flashed him a watery smile as she wiped at her wet cheeks. "They look much better on me anyways."

"I won't argue with you on that one."

Paul began to swing back and forth, his shoes scuffing along the tarmac as he held the scrapbook in his hands. He chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to control the emotion that overwhelmed him every time he thought of leaving Stephanie. Being without her terrified him to death. She was the glue that constantly held him together. She was the one who had encouraged him and supported him through everything. She was the voice of reason in his head telling him that he was doing the right thing by accepting the college in Anaheim. It was a shame his heart disagreed.

Deep down Paul had really wanted to follow Stephanie to Boston. He had been willing to forfeit the programme he really wanted to be with her. And the reason he was so ready to give up everything was the simple truth he was in love with her. He had been ever since the carnival ride two summers ago. They had been on the big wheel. Stephanie had been terrified of course due to the fact she hated heights. He had teased her about her fear while they stood in the queue waiting to go on. That had made her all the more determined to go on the ride. It had been a clear starry night as they had sat near the top. He had turned his head and looked across at her. Her big blue eyes had sparkled with her excitement. Her hair was windswept and her cheeks flushed with colour. As Stephanie had grinned over in his direction, he felt a fluttering in his stomach. From that moment on, he knew he had fallen for her.

Of course, he'd never told her that. He'd never had the guts to. Although, that wasn't strictly true. There had been one time he had decided to tell her. They'd been sitting on a bench down by the river eating ice cream. Stephanie had a dribble down her chin. He'd reached across and wiped it with his thumb. As she had flashed one of her knee weakening smiles his way, he had decided he was going to tell her. He'd even opened his mouth to form the words but she had spoken before him, informing him that she had a date that weekend. Of course he had pushed his jealousy aside and pretended to be pleased for her. And from that moment on, he had kept his feelings to himself.

"Penny for them?"

Her voice got his attention. As he turned round to face her, he saw the sad expression in her eyes mirroring his. "I'm just thinking how much I'll miss you." he told her honestly.

Stephanie started to cry causing his own tears to blur his vision. He blinked them back as he pushed himself off the swing and placing the scrapbook on the seat, he held out his hand towards her. Her hand felt like ice despite the heat. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Paul."

He closed his eyes as he breathed in the smell of her vanilla body lotion, committing it to memory.

"Promise me we'll keep in touch." Stephanie said, lifting her head and looking at him through her tears.

"I promise." he whispered.

"You'll write?"

"Hey if you're lucky, I might even call."

She smiled shakily as she brushed her fingers through his soft short hair. "We'll see each other every vacation."

"Of course."

"Best friends always, right?"

Paul paused a second finding his composure. "Always." he eventually told her before nudging her playfully. "No one else would want to put up with you anyway."

Stephanie smacked his arm before pulling him to her and gripping onto him tightly.

Paul kissed her hair inhaling the strawberry scent. He reluctantly broke their embrace. "I'd better go before my parents send out a search party."

"Okay." she sniffed loudly.

Paul lifted his hand as his fingers lightly traced her cheek. "Take care Steph." He placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before stepping back. His hand reluctantly dropped to his side.

Stephanie didn't even try to stop the tears as she watched him pick up the scrapbook from the swing. He slowly turned towards her. His smile was forced.

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

She nodded her head. As he hugged her one last time, she clung to him desperately.

"I love you, Paul."

A pained expression crossed his face as he closed his eyes. "I love you too." he whispered into her hair allowing himself to breathe her in one time before finally breaking their embrace. "Goodbye Stephanie."

Stephanie choked back her tears as her hand lifted in a small wave. "See ya Paul."

Clutching her gift tightly in his hand, Paul quickly turned around. His feet crossed the grass as he left her, his tears blurring his vision. It took everything he had not to turn back and look at her once last time. If he did, he knew he'd only be tempted to stay.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Three Months Later_

"Paul!"

Stephanie beamed with excitement as she ran towards her best friend. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she hugged him fiercely and breathed in the smell of his cologne. God, she had missed him so much the past few months. She had been so disappointed when he hadn't made it home for Thanksgiving break. She had made so many plans for things they could do together, plans that were crushed when he had broken the news over a phone call. But Paul was here now and he was home for Christmas. They had the next two whole weeks to spend together.

Breaking their embrace, Stephanie stepped back to look at him. She saw the familiar twinkle in his deep brown eyes and had to acknowledge that Paul looked really good. The leather jacket and jeans suited him perfectly. His face was tanned and healthy and she noticed his blonde hair was longer and sat just below his collar. She instinctively reached up and brushed a loose strand away with her fingertips. He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I take it you're pleased to see me?"

"Of course I am although I don't think you deserve to hear such things right now." she pouted playfully as her fingers played with the collar of his coat.

Paul chuckled and shook his head. "Don't tell me you're still pissed off about Thanksgiving? I told you weeks beforehand that I wasn't going to make it."

"That may be but I still had to spend the holiday all on my own. I had to endure my parents and my annoying ass of a brother for a whole week. The least you could do is pretend to feel sorry for me."

He playfully pinched her cheek, his nose wrinkling with his amusement. "Aw, poor Steph. All on her little lonesome." His mouth curled into a smirk. "You know if you hadn't called half the class fucking stuck-up bitches at the graduation party, you might have had another friend or two to play with while I was gone."

Stephanie's response was to stick her tongue out at him and Paul let out a chuckle.

"I have to admit though, that was funny. Stephanie McMahon totally wasted on keg beer spouting off obscenities at Millie and all her moronic buddies."

"I have to admit it wasn't one of my finest moments." Stephanie replied as a slow smile crossed her face at Paul's laughter. "But I sure got a great amount of satisfaction telling those bitches exactly what I thought of them."

"You are one feisty mistress, McMahon." Paul said, grinning. "I've certainly missed the wrath of your scathing tongue."

"So, you've missed me, huh?" she asked, her tongue poking cheekily between her teeth.

He lifted his shoulder in a casual shrug as he shuffled his feet underneath him. "I dunno. Maybe." he teased.

Stephanie frowned slapping his arm.

"Ow!" Paul replied rubbing his bicep with his big hand. "What was that for?"

She flicked her hair back as she rested her hand on her hip. "You know what that was for."

"Yeah? Well I certainly didn't miss your violent tendencies towards me that's for sure."

"Please!" Stephanie snorted. "I hardly touched you."

She smirked at him remembering their run-in up the apple tree over twelve years ago. "Hey Levesque, you gonna cry?"

Paul pretended to scowl at her, his nose wrinkling up at her. "Taunting me will get you nowhere. It won't get me to admit I missed you and it sure as hell won't get you invited to a party tonight."

Stephanie's eyes widened. Her lips upturned into an eager, excited smile. "Did you say party?"

Her big blue eyes stared back at him widely and he chuckled to himself. Stephanie looked just like a little kid in a candy store and God, how he had missed that smile. It was every bit as beautiful as he remembered. "That word may have escaped my lips, yeah."

"What party?"

Paul shrugged as he wandered across to the refrigerator and opened the door. He peered in looking for something to drink. Over the years, Stephanie's house had practically become his second home and he was in the habit of helping himself.

"Paul, I asked you a question. What party?"

He lifted his head out of the refrigerator holding the carton of orange juice in his hand as he closed the door behind him. "You got a glass?"

Stephanie sighed as she brushed past him. She ignored his smirk as she reached into the cupboard in front of her and retrieved the glass. She turned round and handed it to him. "You should know where they are by now."

"But the juice tastes so much better when you fetch it for me."

"You're an ass!"

"And I love you too."

Stephanie watched impatiently as Paul poured his drink. He placed the carton down on the counter and picked up the glass.

"So?"

Paul raised his eyebrows. "So what?"

He took a mouthful of the juice and watched Stephanie's scowl with an amused look on his face. She never was the most patient person in the world. In fact, she was one of the most impatient people he had ever met. Case in point, the night she had called him at one o'clock in the morning to see how his date with Cassie Lander had gone during his junior year. Fortunately his parents had been out of town and she hadn't woken up the entire household in the process.

"Paul, just tell me! Who is it that's having a party?"

Paul placed down the glass on the counter, licking his lips. "Say please."

Stephanie rolled her eyes groaning loudly and dramatically. "Now you're milking this. It's not even funny."

"It's only manners, Stephanie. Say please and I'll tell you."

"You're a pain in the ass." she muttered under her breath.

"Sorry?"

She stood in front of the counter, her arms folded across her chest smiling sweetly. "I said, please tell me."

"Much better." Paul leant on the counter resting his elbows on the black marble. "Connor Jackson's parents are out of town. He thought he would take advantage and have a little get together."

Stephanie scrunched her nose. "I don't know. I never really liked Mr Varsity and all those bimbo fan girls that chased after him."

"Well you never know McMahon. You might actually have fun."

"Yeah and maybe hell might freeze over." she replied flippantly.

"Don't be so cynical. We'll just go for a couple of hours. I promise. There will be alcohol and you can even crash at mine afterwards. Mom and Dad have gone to visit Aunt Gwen until tomorrow."

Stephanie contemplated that invitation as she chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "Alright." she told him reluctantly. "I'll probably regret it but count me in."

"Cool." Paul sniffed as he pushed himself off the counter. "You've got an hour to get changed and be ready to go."

She scowled as she looked down at her red sweater and denim skirt. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

Paul grinned. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing McMahon. I mean I'll happily admire those legs of yours all night."

He flipped her a wink and chuckled at the look of disgust she threw his way.

"You're a pig."

Paul ruffled her hair as he walked past her. "I'll be back to pick you up in one hour, Steph. You'd better be ready." He stopped to turn round in the doorway smirking at her wildly. "Feel free to leave that little skirt of yours on, by the way. I swear on my grandmother's grave I won't even glance at your legs."

"Your grandmother is still alive and lives in Vermont."

"That's right. She does." he replied, winking at her once more before leaving the house clicking the door shut behind him.

Stephanie couldn't stop the slow smile that crossed her face as she watched him disappear down the path and bit down on her lip shyly. If she wasn't mistaken Paul was flirting with her just now and she found that she actually kind of liked it. In fact, she liked it quite a lot, maybe a little more than she should have. After all it was just a little harmless fun between friends. But if it was so harmless why was the thought of spending tonight with Paul suddenly giving her goose bumps?


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Stephanie's eyes were wide and glazed as she left the kitchen. Some rock song that she didn't recognise was blasting from the speakers in the living room and she blew a strand of hair from her face as she carefully balanced the paper cups in her hands. She'd waited over five minutes for these suckers and she wasn't spilling a single drop.

Biting down on her lip Stephanie fought her way through the room and through the bodies in the hallway. She smiled when she saw him sitting on the bottom step on the carpeted staircase. He looked really sexy tonight in his tight white t-shirt and faded denim jeans. Yep, Paul Levesque was definitely sexy when she was drunk.

Giggling to herself, Stephanie held the drinks up almost triumphantly in her hand as she approached him. "I made it." she announced.

Paul raised his arms applauding her before he accepted the drink from her outstretched hand. His nose wrinkled in disgust as he took a sip of the warm beer and Stephanie snorted with amusement as she sat down beside him on the step. She instinctively shuffled closer leaning her shoulder against him. She inhaled the lovely scent of his cologne before peering down to pick at a loose thread on her sweater. Her blue eyes blinked rapidly as she tried her hardest to focus. "Shit. My fingers won't work properly."

"That's because you are drunk my little friend."

Stephanie lifted her head to peer at him disapprovingly. "I am not. drunk"

"You are too."

Just then the room began to spin and she closed her eyes briefly trying to make it stop. She swallowed thickly before looking back at Paul. "Okay, maybe just a little bit but I don't know. I mean, how do I get myself into these situations?" she asked throwing her arms dramatically in the air.

"I think I could stab a wild guess." Paul replied, grinning. "I'd put my money on those six jello shots you consumed. Or maybe even the alcoholic punch which you thought was juice. Or at least you drank it like it came out of the carton."

"I did not!" she protested lightly smacking his arm. "I sipped it nicely thank you very much. And as for the jello shots, of course that would have nothing to do with my best friend who plied me with them?" she smirked.

"Nope. He's totally innocent."

"Innocent, my ass." Stephanie giggled.

"Is it?"

"What?"

"Your ass. Is it innocent?"

Stephanie's nose crinkled as she looked at him strangely. "What kind of question is that?"

Paul's brown eyes stared at her blankly for a second before eventually managing a reply. "Actually, I do not know."

She giggled again and licked her lips as she pushed her hair from her shoulder. She briefly glanced down noticing Paul had placed down his drink on the floor. His attention was now focused elsewhere, somewhere it shouldn't be. She smacked his arm once more, this time a little harder. "Quit ogling my legs." she told him.

Paul lifted his head. He wore a smug smirk on his face as he brushed his hair back behind his ear. "I was not ogling. I do not ogle. Ever. I'm a gentleman I'll have you know."

"A gentleman, huh?" Stephanie raised her eyebrows. Her blue eyes sparkled with her laughter. "You?"

"Yes. It has been known on occasion."

"Really? I think I must have blinked and missed it."

Paul clutched at his sides pretending to laugh. "You're a wise ass when you're drunk, you know that?"

"And we're back to my ass again."

"Well it is a sexy ass." he smirked.

Stephanie grinned back at him pleasantly buzzed from the alcohol. She shifted her body and leant closer towards him. Her head rested against his as her hands stayed by her side. "And how would you know my ass is sexy? You've never seen my ass."

"I haven't?"

She shook her head and smiled that smile, the smile that about killed him every time she flashed it his way. Paul swallowed thickly as he breathed in her faint scent. He was intoxicated but not with the alcohol. It was Stephanie. She always did have quite the effect on him. The last three months away from her had done nothing to curb his feelings for her. If anything they had only intensified making him believe in that old saying of absence making the heart grow fonder. He was fond of her alright; so fond that his heart was in serious danger of beating right out of his chest.

As Paul turned his head to the side, he found her face so close to Stephanie's. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself now even if he wanted to.

"I should really do something about that." he whispered huskily. He softly nuzzled her cheek unable to help himself and as Paul raised his head slightly, he breathed gently against her ear.

Stephanie whimpered softly, squeezing her eyes shut tight at the sensation. She felt the heat of his hand as it rested on her leg. Her skin felt like it was burning under his touch. She leant closer to his mouth. Her hand moved slowly to rest on top of his and she was surprised to realise that she was desperate to feel his lips on her. She wanted Paul to kiss her and her stomach churned in anticipation. She hardly dared to breathe as she felt his wet lips trail down her jaw line. His other hand cupped the side of her face as he gently pulled her round to face him. She slowly opened her eyes. God, he was so close. She could feel his hot breath on her face and it was giving her goose bumps. Stephanie swallowed thickly completely under his spell. Their lips were practically touching and as Paul's mouth hovered over hers she knew he was going to kiss her right here, right now.

"Hey Levesque! You up for a game of strip poker?"

Paul moved his lips away at the sound of the voice. Stephanie silently cursed the person that had interrupted them. Asshole! As she dared to raise her eyes, she saw the intensity in Paul's brown orbs as he continued to look at her. She could feel it too. Her chest heaved as she felt the desire pool in her stomach. God, she wanted him and she wanted him badly. Suddenly her mouth felt terribly dry. She flicked her tongue out licking her lips.

"I suck at poker. What do you say we split this joint and save me from embarrassing myself?" suggested Paul.

The alcohol made Stephanie bold and the words slipped out easily as her hand still rested on top of his. "I dunno. Maybe I want to see you strip off."

"You do, huh?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

Paul's eyes were dark as he leaned towards her. Stephanie's breath caught in her throat.

"Then maybe I will strip off. Just not here. We can go somewhere else." he breathed into her ear.

"Levesque! Strip poker, man! Are you in?"

Paul turned his head towards Brad, Connor's best friend and the guy responsible for the jello shots currently flowing through his blood stream. "Nah man. We're leaving." he informed him.

His hand gripped hold of Stephanie as he helped pull her to her feet. Brad wore a smug grin on his face as he slapped Paul on the back.

"Be safe now. Remember the foil packet is your friend."

Paul shook his head as he heard him chuckle and make his way through the house. He glanced over at Stephanie. He saw her cheeks were definitely flushed and he wasn't sure if it was Brad's comment that had done it or the amount of alcohol she had drank but judging by the way she was slightly swaying beside him, he would place his money on the latter.

Paul dropped her hand and instead he slid his arm around her waist. "Come on McMahon. Let's get out of here."

As he guided her through the throng of people in the hallway, Stephanie allowed her arm to hug him too. His skin felt so warm against her hand and her mind was racing as it struggled to process what had just happened. Because Paul had nearly kissed her and instead of that fact scaring her to death, she found herself wondering if he would maybe try to kiss her again because she wanted him to. She wanted to kiss Paul and she was deliberately ignoring the voices in her head that reminded her he was her best friend. Instead she remembered the feel of his lips on her skin and his warm breath on her mouth. Paul. God, he was everything to her as it was and yet he could be so much more. The question was, how much more and was she ready to go down that particular road with him?


	4. Chapter 3

_This next instalment is definitely not for the young kiddies and if you feel uncomfortable reading any sexual content at all then this is not the chapter for you. I wrote this in large part because I always promised a good friend I would attempt this sort of smut one day so here it is lol. I know what happens is also relevant to the story so I'm happy I'm not throwing it in just for the sake of it. I hope you enjoy it and I want to say thanks for all your feedback so far. It means a lot to this semi-retired writer lol _

Chapter 3

By the time they reached Paul's house, Stephanie had decided she didn't want to answer any questions currently buzzing round in her head. She wasn't going to over analyse anything. She was just going to live in the moment. But as she followed Paul up the stairs to his bedroom, she found her mind was spinning. She had done this so many times before. She'd stayed overnight regularly since she was six watching movies and eating popcorn under the duvet cover but this time it was different. She could feel it, this tension between them that hadn't been there before. They'd hardly uttered a word to one another all the way here. Instead they'd been content to be wrapped in one another's arms feeling Paul's gentle heat against hers as they walked.

God, Paul. They had well and truly crossed a line tonight. They had flirted with one another and then he had almost gone and kissed her. Things between them had definitely changed and Stephanie didn't know how she felt about that. It was all happening so fast and her emotions were all jumbled yet she knew she wanted this to happen, whatever this was between them.

Just then they entered Paul's room with the moonlight shining brightly through the open curtains. As the door clicked shut behind them, Stephanie was conscious of the fact that they were alone in the house together. There were no parents and no interruptions this time. No friends offering to play poker either and no one to stop them from crossing the boundaries of their friendship. And Stephanie didn't want to be stopped. If she knew one thing, at least she knew that. Having Paul kiss her was definitely what she wanted now.

Stephanie's breath hitched in her throat as Paul tugged on her hand in the darkness pulling her over to him. No words were spoken as they turned to face one another. It was almost like they were both afraid to speak. They were afraid to break the spell that had been cast between them. This wonderful captivating spell that was making her chest tight and her knees tremble underneath her.

Stephanie's heart began to pound loudly in her chest as Paul's face moved slowly towards her. She licked her lips as her mouth felt suddenly dry. She knew Paul was going to kiss her again. God, she wanted him to so much. Her eyes closed as his lips came crashing down against hers. He kissed her passionately taking her breath away as Stephanie slid her arms around his waist. Her hands roamed across his broad back. She could feel his hot, hard skin through the material of his shirt and his kiss tasted so good. His lips were so soft and warm and just then Paul's tongue ran across her bottom lip teasing her. His fingers tangled in her hair as her lips parted to allow him entry. His tongue began to vigorously explore her mouth and the sensation it created was incredible. Stephanie felt her whole body tingle with goose bumps. Her stomach was flipping wildly. She had never experienced a kiss like this in her life before. She was struggling to form any coherent thought and she swore the room was spinning around them. Stephanie swallowed thickly as Paul's mouth moved from hers and he began to assault her neck. His hand reached under her sweater and he began to knead her breast. She squeezed her thighs together as she felt the heat burn between her legs. Suddenly she was desperate for more. She wanted to feel his hands on her bare skin and she needed to feel him inside her.

Stephanie's need overrode any logic and without even considering the consequences of what they were doing, she grabbed his ass and pulled him flush against her. Paul let out a growl as she began to grind her hips against his. He lifted his head. There was no mistaking the hunger and need in Stephanie's eyes, a need that matched his own want and hunger for her. Right now Stephanie was driving him completely wild. All rhyme and reasoning left his head as his desire for the woman in front of him took over. God knows he had dreamt of this moment so many times only this was so much more that he could have ever imagined. It was real. So real he was struggling to catch his breath.

Paul's fingers grabbed the bottom of her sweater and he violently tugged at the soft wool pulling it over her head. He licked his lips as his hands moved round to unhook her black lace bra.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he whispered huskily.

Stephanie's hands pulled on the hem of his white t-shirt. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. As she tugged it upwards, the straps of her bra slid from her shoulders.

"Yeah. Is it what you want?" she asked, breathlessly.

Paul yanked his t-shirt over his head and his hair felt softly against his shoulders. His breathing was heavy as his thumb began to flick her nipple.

"Fuck, yeah."

He kissed her hard before his lips began a downward trail. His tongue licked her creamy skin tasting her vanilla body lotion. As his mouth covered her erect nipple, he heard her moan softly. He lifted his head slightly to see her exposed throat. Stephanie's head was thrown backwards as she arched towards his touch. Christ, she was so fucking beautiful and she was driving him completely crazy. Paul felt Stephanie's fingers tangle in his hair. Her nails lightly scraped across his scalp.

"Paul!" she hissed.

She tugged on his hair lightly pulling his lips away from her breast. Her fingers fumbled with the button of her denim skirt and as it pooled around her feet, she saw Paul watching her with heavy lidded eyes. She could feel her wetness soaking through her underwear as his hand trailed down her side, tickling her slightly. Their laboured breathing was the only sound that filled the room and Stephanie licked her lips in anticipation as his fingers trailed along the waistband of her underwear. He continued to stare at her with those incredible, intense brown eyes and she was desperate for him to touch her. In fact her body was crying out for him.

Just when she thought she couldn't take his teasing touches any more, Paul yanked her lace garment hard. She let out a cry as he tore it from her body. Her knees trembled underneath her as he backed her towards the wall beside the window. The shadows fell across his face accentuating his handsomeness and she let herself admire him for a second before swallowing thickly as her hand cupped him through his jeans. She could feel how hard he was and she found it turned her on even more. Her body shivered slightly as he let out a low growl from the back of his throat. Even his voice had an effect on her. Stephanie felt a sudden surge of confidence as she looked into his dark eyes staring at him intensely.

"Take them off." she said boldly.

Paul swallowed as he took a step back. Stephanie bit down on her lip as she watched his big fingers unbutton his jeans. She heard the sound of his zipper and as he pushed down the faded denim, he took his underwear with him. Kicking the garments from his feet, she felt her need for Paul overwhelm her. She had never seen anyone so beautiful in all her life. He was perfect and tonight he was completely hers.

A pleasured moan escaped from her parted lips as Paul approached her, his body pressing against hers. Her hands rested on his hips. She could feel his arousal against her stomach. She bucked against him and he began to suck on her earlobe. Stephanie dug her nails into his skin.

"I need you, Paul." she told him.

Her voice sounded almost desperate in the shadowy darkness and she frowned at the loss of contact as he unexpectedly moved away from her. She watched him feel around for his jeans on the floor before taking out his wallet from the pocket and removing the small foil packet from inside. Stephanie's knees felt weak as he ripped it open and then sheathed himself.

"Come here." Paul instructed her as he grabbed her body and pulled her towards him.

Stephanie was now standing on her tiptoes. She could feel him brushing against her wet core and her body tingled all over with anticipation. As Paul kissed her, she pushed on his shoulders guiding him to the carpeted floor. She just couldn't wait any longer. She wanted to feel him inside her now.

As Paul lay down on the floor in front of her, he sighed as her hands pressed against his chest and she straddled him. Stephanie smiled as she lifted her hips and sank down slowly onto his hard length. God, he felt so wonderful and amazing. She could feel waves of pleasure start to ripple through her body as they began to move together. Stephanie closed her eyes as she succumbed to the sensations he was creating. Rocking her hips against him, she desperately picked up the pace. She felt Paul bring up his knees behind her, intensifying her pleasure. His hands gripped her hips tightly.

"Oh God!" she whimpered.

Stephanie bit down on her lip and threw her head back. Her eyes were pressed together tightly and her head felt giddy. Although she'd had sex before, it had never felt anything like this. Her body was on fire and her skin was slick with her perspiration. All she could focus on was how Paul was making her feel and how she never wanted him to stop ever.

Just then Paul shifted beneath her rolling her over onto her back in one swift movement. Their bodies still joined, he began to thrust inside her. His lips crashed down on hers as he began to kiss her, stealing her breath away. Their tongues met and Stephanie groaned as they fought for dominance. Her hands moved to grip his ass tightly and she helped guide his frantic movement. He was so deep inside her. She couldn't get enough of him and as his mouth moved to suck on her throat, Stephanie gasped for breath. Her eyes flickered open as she felt her stomach twist with pleasure and her body tingled numbly. She called out Paul's name. Her voice was raspy and her throat felt incredibly hot and dry. As Paul lifted his head his dark eyes burned a hole through her. His hips drew back and he paused for a second before he slammed into her hard. Stephanie let out a hiss of pleasure as he began to quicken the pace, thrusting his hips against her relentlessly. She moved to his rhythm, her nails digging into his ass as she felt the pressure building. Beads of sweat trickled down their slick skin. Paul's breath was hot against her ear.

"Let go for me, Steph." he whispered huskily.

Her reply was a whimpered cry and his hand moved down between their joined bodies. His thumb rubbed and tweaked, forcing her to lose control, sending her over the edge. Stephanie squeezed her eyes shut as her walls gripped him tightly. She screamed out his name as she finally let go and Paul thrust into her one last time before his body shuddered against her.

"Fuck."

Breathing heavily, Paul placed a kiss to her lips before their foreheads rested together. Stephanie's hands ran gently up and down his back as they caught their breath feeling his cool, damp skin. And after a moment had passed, neither one of them spoke when Paul slipped out of her and padded through to the adjoining bathroom. Stephanie shivered slightly as she quickly made her way to Paul's bed and getting under the covers, she pulled them tightly around her. Her eyes instantly felt heavy as her head rested against the soft pillows and she inhaled the gentle scent of fresh cotton. She was aware of the mattress shifting as Paul got in behind her. She scooted across instinctively to give him room. She felt the heat of his body as it rested against hers and his arm slid over waist. Still, they never spoke a word and the silence remained as he kissed her hair. They lay content in each others arms and watched the snow fall through the window pane. The orange hue lit up the room in a gentle glow as their low breathing echoed around the walls. Neither one of them wanted to discuss what had just happened between them or even think of the repercussions it was bound to have on them or their friendship. Instead they lay still and silent until eventually both of them succumbed to sleep.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Paul's head shifted on the pillow as he began to stir and his eyelids slowly fluttered open. His face was turned towards the open window and he squinted at the bright early morning sunshine that shone into the room. Licking his dry lips, he quickly became aware of the foul taste in his mouth which made him wonder what the hell had he been drinking last night. Whatever it was, he knew he was going to feel like shit today. He could already feel the dull throbbing beginning in his head which was the usual tell tale sign of a hangover.

As he lifted his hand to rub at his temple, Paul became aware of a weight across his stomach. His head turned on the soft pillow and his eyes fell on Stephanie. His expression immediately softened when he saw she was still lying fast asleep. As he lay watching her, everything that happened the previous night came rushing back to him. The sweet smell of her skin. The taste of her lips. How good she felt surrounding him. A slow smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He couldn't deny he hadn't wanted what had had gone down between them to happen. God knows he'd dreamt about it often enough. Stephanie had been the subject of many an erotic moment but never in his wildest dreams had he imagined something would become of it. He'd given up hope on that one a long time ago. Instead he had kept the feelings he had for her firmly locked away in his heart. It had probably been self-preservation on his part. His fragile ego wasn't sure it could have handled the inevitable rejection because he had never believed Stephanie would return those feelings or at least he hadn't until last night.

Paul shifted his body and rolled onto his side. He couldn't stop himself from touching her. Stephanie was so close to him. His hand reached out to brush her hair from her forehead. He smiled gently as his fingertips trailed lightly down her face. She was so beautiful and last night had been so incredible. Despite his drunken state, he could remember every touch and every kiss they shared. He'd never experienced anything like it before and being with her only confirmed what he had always known deep in his heart. Stephanie was it for him and he was in love with her.

Paul let his hand fall away as he slowly moved back across the mattress. Her hand slid from his body and dropped to the sheets. He shivered as he pulled back the covers and got out of bed. Spotting his clothes in a heap over by the window, he smiled picking his jeans up from the floor. A smirk crossed his face as he pictured Stephanie sitting on top of him as he lay on the carpet. It was an image he certainly wouldn't forget in a hurry. Pushing back his hair from his face, Paul quietly made his way to the bathroom.

It was only a matter of seconds before Stephanie began to stir in the bed he had left. Her eyes blinked open and she began to take in her surroundings. It wasn't long before images of being with Paul instantly began to flood her memory. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she remembered the intimate moments between them like Paul's tongue tasting her skin and the heat of his mouth on her breast. The way he felt buried deep inside her.

Swallowing thickly, Stephanie rolled onto her back and stared up at the painted ceiling. She began to chew nervously on the inside of her bottom lip. She couldn't believe they had slept with one another and part of her wished it had all been nothing but a dream. Just then Stephanie turned her head to the side. She still could feel his warmth where her hand rested on the sheets. She slowly ran it over the spot where he had slept next to her. What the hell was going to happen now? He was Paul, her best friend in the whole wide world. How on earth was she meant to face him now that she had seen, well, pretty much everything about him. She swallowed hard as she heard the bathroom door open. It looked like she was about to find out sooner than she had thought and without any time to prepare herself. Stephanie's heart began to pound wildly in her chest. She sat up in bed as watched the door anxiously waiting for him to appear, her hand clutching the sheet to her bare chest.

Paul's head was bowed when he walked through. His unbuttoned jeans hung loosely around his hips and she felt a tingle down her spine as her eyes travelled up his body.

Paul visibly hesitated when he looked up and saw her sitting there, awake, watching him. But as his warm brown eyes connected with hers, his face softened and he smiled at her.

"Hey."

"Hey." she replied. Stephanie smiled at him shyly. She could feel the nervous anticipation build in her stomach as Paul sat down on the bed, the mattress shifting underneath her.

"So……" he said with a gentle smile still on his face. "Did you sleep well?"

Stephanie nodded her head. She tucked her hair behind her ear. She could see his fingers tap lightly against his thighs. He was nervous. Paul always tapped his fingers when he was nervous.

"At least the snow's stopped." he observed looking towards the window.

Stephanie could only nod in response as she pulled the sheets tighter around her. Her eyes fell on the scattered clothes on the floor and she immediately saw the small scrap of black lace by the wall. She could remember Paul roughly pulling it from her body. She dropped her head as she felt a rush of heat at the memory.

"So I guess this is the part where we should probably talk about last night."

Stephanie tilted her head up towards him. She saw him watching her. His deep brown eyes made her breath catch in her throat and she swallowed thickly. "I guess it is."

Paul nodded as he looked away unsure exactly where to begin. His nerves were definitely getting the better of him. His stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels. It was taking everything he had not to kiss her again. God, he wanted to. He was sure he could still feel her soft lips pressed against his.

"I've never been in this situation before you know." said Stephanie, interrupting the short silence that had fallen between them.

Paul turned back round towards her. He gave her a crooked smile grateful that she had started the conversation. "Me neither."

"I mean, I never pictured myself having a drunken one night stand." Stephanie chuckled. "And especially not one with my best friend, of all people!"

Paul's smile slowly faded at her response. To say it wasn't what he had been expecting was an understatement. He looked down at his hands as they rested on his legs. Her words had completely thrown him and he could admit he felt hurt. Actually devastated would better describe how he was really feeling. Stephanie apparently saw him nothing more than a one night stand, some drunken screw. For some reason, he had allowed himself to believe it had been more than that. How wrong had he been?

"Paul?"

He slowly lifted his head. His heart felt heavy as he felt her hand rest on his arm. Her touch burned his skin.

"This won't make things awkward between us, will it?" Her sparkling blue eyes searched his face. "I mean, we can't let one silly mistake spoil our friendship."

Stephanie witnessed the hurt that flashed across his eyes. She felt his body tense. His jaw was clenched tightly. Suddenly, she felt confused. "This was a mistake." she said in a small voice. "Wasn't it?"

Her hand fell to the mattress as Paul quickly stood up from the bed. She stared wide-eyed as she watched him pick up his white t-shirt from the floor and pull it on violently. She was shocked into silence. Paul obviously didn't see last night as a mistake. It was more than apparent to her that he saw things differently than that but why would he? Last night had only happened because they had been drunk and reckless. Paul stood still as he looked out the window, the sunlight shining against his blonde hair.

"I'm going to grab a shower. Mom and Dad will be home soon."

God, his voice sounded so distant and so sad. Stephanie swallowed the lump in her throat as he walked towards the bathroom. He couldn't even look at her. She had obviously upset him and she felt herself begin to panic. She needed to fix this mess. This was all her fault.

"Paul?"

He hovered by the doorway at the sound of her voice. His hand rested on the shiny door knob.

"We need to talk about this."

She watched as he slowly turned round. He avoided her gaze as his eyes darted around. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Why? There's nothing to talk about. We screwed. It was a mistake. End of story."

Stephanie blinked back the hot tears that suddenly welled in her eyes. His voice was cold and abrupt but she had no right feeling upset about it. It was her fault he was so harsh in the first place.

"You should probably get going. Your parents will be wondering where you are. It's Sunday. You've got church in an hour."

Stephanie slowly nodded her head. Paul was dismissing her. He still refused to look at her too. She could only watch as the bathroom door closed behind him. Stephanie sighed heavily. Her fist clenched the sheet tightly. God, she had really screwed up. She wanted to stay and fix this mess but how? The damage had already been done and whatever she tried to say, Paul wasn't in the mood to listen to her anyway. She knew him too well. His defences were down so there was no point in even trying, not until he'd had a chance to cool down.

She heard the sound of the shower running through the bathroom door and she reluctantly got out of bed. The sheet fell to the mattress as Stephanie walked naked to where her clothes lay. As she got dressed, she decided giving Paul space was a good idea. It would give them both some time to regroup. She would come back after church and they would hopefully talk then. One thing about Paul was he never held a grudge and he never stayed angry for long. Stephanie frowned as she pulled up her skirt. But the thing was he wasn't angry. He was more hurt than anything else and somehow that scared her to death.

Stephanie quickly pulled on her boots. She flicked her hair over the top of her sweater. She walked slowly to the bathroom door. She tried the handle but it was locked. As she stood at the door, listening to the shower run, her hand rested against the painted wood. She didn't want to just leave without saying goodbye but then again, Paul probably wouldn't hear her anyway. Besides, she would only be gone a couple of hours then she would be back.

Stephanie stepped away from the door, her hand falling to her side. She was completely unaware that as she left, Paul continued to sit on the floor on the other side of the door. His back rested against the wood and his knees were clasped to his chest as he stared straight ahead, his devastated brown eyes filled with his pain.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The snow crunched underfoot as Stephanie walked up the tree-lined street to the house. The sun was beginning to set behind the rooftops and the blue sky was getting dark. She was later than she had expected to be. Her mother had decided to have a family lunch after church. Of course that meant a roast and two hour chat around the dining table not that Stephanie had contributed much in the way of conversation. Her mind had been elsewhere, mainly on Paul.

The wind blew her hair across her face. Stephanie took her hand out of her pocket and tucked it behind her ear. She couldn't stop thinking about him and not necessarily in a good way either. She had replayed every kiss and every touch they had shared in her mind. Sleeping with Paul may have been a mistake but in her heart it was a beautiful, amazing mistake. Stephanie had slept with two men before Paul but neither of them had made her feel the way he had. Maybe it was because she and Paul had a connection, a deep rooted bond that went beyond mere friendship. Whatever it was, it had turned her world upside down. She now wasn't sure her feelings for Paul could remain strictly platonic. Not when she could still feel his lips on her skin or hear the hushed whispers in her ear that still gave her goose bumps every time she remembered them .

Stephanie turned up the pathway of the detached red brick house. She hoped Paul was home. She was desperate to talk to him and she knew she needed to see him. She stood on the concrete step outside the brown laminate door. Her gloved finger reached up and pressed the doorbell. She stepped back and waited. Her teeth chewed on her bottom lip. She just hoped she found the right words to fix things between them. Paul meant so much to her. Their relationship was precious to her. She frowned when after waiting for a moment, she realised that no-one was going to answer. She curiously tried the door handle. She was surprised when it turned and the door opened. She pushed it over as she stepped into the carpeted hallway.

"Hello?" she called out.

She didn't get an answer. Stephanie closed the door over behind her and felt her cold, pinched cheeks begin to thaw in the heat. As she made her way towards the living room, she took off her gloves and stuffed them in her coat pocket. She heard the faint sound of the television. She poked her head around the door and saw Paul.

He didn't acknowledge her as she entered the room. She was pretty sure he didn't even see her there. He sat motionless in the oversized recliner chair silent and still. An empty glass rested in his open palm and a half-full whisky bottle sat on the small bookcase beside him.

"Paul?"

Stephanie stood in front of him. Paul didn't move. It was like he was looking right through her. She slowly dropped to her knees. Her hand rested on his parted thighs.

"Paul, are you okay?"

He slowly lifted his head. She couldn't stifle the gasp that escaped from her lips. Paul looked so devastated. His eyes were red and swollen and his cheeks were stained with tears. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Her heart broke as his bottom lip began to quiver. Stephanie immediately reached out towards him. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck knowing something must have happened. Paul looked utterly distraught. She felt him bury his face in her shoulder as a choked sob filled the room. The glass fell from Paul's hand as he gripped onto her. She felt his body shake with frightened breaths and tears.

A chill encompassed her heart as Stephanie's fingers brushed softly through the ends of his hair. She felt her own tears start to spill down her cheeks. She knew without question that something was seriously wrong here. Fear gripped her stomach as she rocked Paul gently in her arms. What the hell had happened today? She could count on one hand the number of times she had seen Paul visibly upset. He very seldom cried. It wasn't a macho thing. He wasn't like that. Paul was just a private person. He kept his emotions to himself.

It took minutes before his body stopped shaking. Stephanie heard him sniff as he slowly lifted his head. Her fingers remained tangled in his hair as she looked at him. His brown eyes were sad and tortured. There was a look of utter devastation on his face.

"Th-they're gone, Steph."

Somehow she knew straight away what he meant. She didn't need an explanation. Suddenly the house seemed eerily quiet around her. There was no Mrs Levesque running around with freshly baked cookies. She wasn't asking her if she was staying for dinner. She wasn't telling her constantly to call her Patricia. There was no Mr Levesque either sitting on the recliner flicking through the channels, complaining about the lack of good quality programmes on the television. Or taking a nap before dinner was served. And there never would be ever again. She swallowed hard. She was finding this really hard to take. God only knows how Paul was feeling. He looked so lost. He was so close to his parents and she couldn't even imagine what he was going through. He must be in such pain.

As her hand rubbed his back, Stephanie forced out the only response she could. "How?"

Paul sniffed as his big hand wiped the salty tears from his face. He let out a shaky breath. "A drunk driver." His voice wavered as fresh tears welled in his eyes. His breath hitched in his throat. "He was on the wrong side of the road. They died on impact."

He looked away as a solitary tear trickled down his cheek. He felt Stephanie pull him back towards her and his arms wrapped around her desperate for comfort. His heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest. The pain radiated throughout his entire body all but consuming him. What the hell was he meant to do now? He'd lost his parents. They were gone. They'd been viciously taken out of his life. He was never going to see them again. Paul squeezed his eyes shut. His head was spinning. He took a deep shuddering breath as the tears rolled down his cheeks. His throat burned and he bit down hard on his lip, drawing blood. The same blood that had chilled the minute he had answered the door and saw the two police officers standing there.

"_Paul Levesque?"_

_Paul swallowed hard. His head slowly nodded. He glanced between the two middle-aged men standing on his doorstep. Their faces were solemn. _

"_Can we come in?"_

_He could see the sympathetic glances they shared as he stepped aside to let them into the house. His hand gripped the wooden door tightly as they walked into the hallway. He felt his stomach twist into knots. As he closed the door over, he pushed his hair behind his ear. He felt his hands slightly tremble and he quickly clenched them to his side._

_Paul led them in silence towards the living room. He tried to tell himself there was nothing to worry about. They were probably here checking on some burglary in the area. Or maybe they were doing some neighbourhood watch thing. Them being here wasn't necessarily bad news, right? But as the officers glanced at one another again, he felt his heart pound wildly in his chest. His throat suddenly felt tight. The lights on the Christmas tree twinkled in the corner. He could hear some woman on the television begin to laugh. For some reason, her laughter angered him. _

"_Paul, we …." The balding officer's voice trailed off. His shoulders slumped as his hand gestured towards the patterned sofa. "Maybe you should sit down, son."_

_Paul felt the panic rise in his chest. He inhaled slowly as his feet somehow moved in slow motion towards the seat. He sat down heavily. His body sat hunched forward as his arms rested on his legs. Out of nowhere, he suddenly remembered he was supposed to have taken the lasagne out of the freezer. His mother had called him last night, reminding him despite the written note pinned to the refrigerator. She never did trust him to remember. Then again, she always did know her son well. Paul exhaled slowly. He shivered slightly as he felt any warmth leave his body._

_He heard one of the officers clear his throat. Paul tilted his head up towards him. He sat in the chair directly opposite him. He was conscious of the other one sitting at the other end of the sofa beside him._

"_Son, I'm afraid we have some bad news."_

_Paul sat there. His brown eyes looked directly at the man in front of him. His body felt like it was frozen. _

"_It's your parents."_

_Paul felt the knots tighten in his stomach. He felt sick. He knew what was coming next. He'd seen this scenario many times before. Only this time he wasn't watching it on the big screen in some movie theatre. He was sitting here, in his own home. The house he shared with his mother and father. His parents who he was suddenly desperate to see. The people who he wanted to walk through that door right now and tell him that this was all some cruel joke. That they were really back home. That they would now have to go out for dinner because their son had yet again forgotten to follow some simple instructions. And that the man sitting in front of him, anxiously wringing his hands together, wasn't about to tell him news that would change his world forever._

_Paul wanted to get up and run. He didn't want to hear the words. But yet his body betrayed him. He couldn't move. Fear had gripped him and rendered him motionless._

"_There's been an accident, Paul. Unfortunately your parents were involved."_

_Paul swallowed thickly. He felt the tears sting his eyes. He furiously blinked them away. Despite knowing the truth, his heart didn't want him to believe it. He was in denial. He wanted to cling on to something – anything even if that something was false hope. Paul licked his lips. His mouth was so dry. "They're okay, right? I mean, it wasn't serious?" _

_Paul's fingers began to twist together. He felt a solitary tear escape and trickle down his cheek. _

"_Because my dad, he's a good driver you know. He always drives carefully." His brown eyes widened. They focused on a stain on the carpet. His breathing became shallow and quick. "He never speeds. In fact, I don't think he's ever had that damn car above sixty." he rambled. "Except this one time when we were late for my cousin's christening. Mom was mad. She's the reason he doesn't drive fast actually. She gets spooked really easily."_

_He swallowed hard as he felt the officer's hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He squeezed it gently. The carpet suddenly became blurry. He felt the tears spill onto his cheeks. He could feel his heart breaking._

"_I'm sorry, Paul. Your parents died at the scene of the accident."_

_The officer continued to explain how it had happened. The drunk driver. The snow on the road. The tree that caused such an impact that it had taken the lives of his parents._

_Paul gasped for breath. His shoulders shook with his silent tears as he buried his head in his hands. His body rocked slowly back and forth. _

Paul's arms gripped onto Stephanie as he continued to cry. The pain was unbearable ripping his heart in two. He cried for his mother. He cried for his father. And a little part of him cried for himself too. Christ knows he felt so alone.

"God Paul, I am so sorry."

He could hear the sympathy and pain in Stephanie's voice but he didn't want her sympathy or her pain. He just wanted his parents back. He wanted them here with him right here right now.

Paul opened his eyes gulping back his tears. Suddenly it was all too much. He couldn't deal with it all. He couldn't be here in this room anymore. Everything around him reminded him of what he had lost. His mother's knitting needles in the basket by the sofa. The family portrait she was so proud of hanging on the wall. His father's fishing trophy on the mantelpiece.

His hands fell to his sides as he stepped back from Stephanie. He saw her through his tears. Her face was wet, her eyes red and sad. Before he knew what he was doing, he spun on his heels. His chest heaved and his knees trembled as he ran from the living room before Stephanie had time to realise he was leaving.

"Paul! Wait!"

He heard her voice behind him as he reached for the front door.

"Paul, please. Don't do this. Don't go!"

He ignored her pleas as the door slammed behind him and he began to run. The snow crunched underneath his sneakers. His wet cheeks were cold and pinched. He didn't notice the bitter wind that blew threw his light sweater. Paul was blinded by his tears. His chest hurt badly but it didn't matter. He just ran. He didn't look back. He couldn't stop and he didn't want to.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"That's the last of them, I think." Stephanie said placing the empty glasses by the sink.

Lillian, Paul's grandmother, turned her head and smiled at her. Her hands still rested in the soapy suds in the basin. "Thank you dear."

As she let out a soft sigh, Stephanie couldn't help but notice how pale and tired she looked. Wisps of grey hair had escaped from her tight bun and she looked so tiny and frail. Today had certainly taken its toll on her. But then again, at sixty eight years of age, Lillian probably never expected to be burying her daughter and her son-in-law so soon.

"Is there anything else you need me to do?" asked Stephanie as she glanced around the kitchen. There was a plate of leftover sandwiches on the table neatly wrapped in clear film. A half-empty bottle of white wine stood beside it on the green and gold tablecloth and a vase of white lilies sat in the centre.

"No dear." Lillian replied as she placed the soapy glass on the drainer. She smiled at Stephanie fondly. "You've know you've been an absolute god send to me today."

"I'm just glad I could be of some help." Stephanie told her lifting her shoulder in a embarrassed shrug. She didn't add that keeping herself busy was the only way she had been able to keep her mind off Paul. Because she was worried sick about him and she had been for days now. When she had seen him this morning his handsome face had been so pale and drawn. She'd hardly recognised her best friend and he seemed completely shut off to everyone including her. God knows he'd barely spoken two words to her since the funeral service. Not only that he'd yet to shed a tear all day. He had stood there seemingly emotionless, his brown eyes staring blankly at the two white coffins in front of him. Outwardly Paul appeared removed and distant from what was happening around him. Inside, Stephanie knew it was a completely different story. That was why she had tried her best to be there for him. She'd held his cold hand tightly in church. She'd stood by him as people offered them his condolences. She just wasn't sure what else to do. She felt so useless and for the first time in forever, she didn't know what to say to him. Then again, no amount of words would make this better for him right now. At least being by his side meant he knew she was there for him.

"Is Paul still upstairs?"

Stephanie nodded her head and sighed.

"I really don't know how that poor boy is coping right now." said Lillian as she placed another glass on the drainer.

Stephanie could say nothing, afraid that she would let slip that she didn't think Paul was coping at all. That it was all a front. See, she knew Paul and sometimes better than she knew herself. The truth was he was hurting badly. He was just keeping his pain locked away inside, hiding it from everyone and trying to wear a brave face. But Lillian was finding today tough as it was. The last thing she needed was to hear the truth and worry about her grandson. It could wait until tomorrow.

"Would you mind checking on him for me, dear?"

Stephanie shook her head. "Of course not. I'll go now."

Lillian smiled at her gratefully. Stephanie anxiously chewed on her lip as she made her way into the hallway, her eyes focusing on the faded pattern on the carpet. She could hear the faint sound of the television in the living room. Paul's grandfather was in there. His normal rosy complexion was almost translucent and he had looked particularly frail today. The loss of his daughter had totally devastated him.

Stephanie sighed softly as she stood uncertainly at the bottom of the carpeted staircase. She tucked her hair nervously behind her ear and slowly began to ascend the steps. Her eyes glanced at the picture on the wall as she approached the top of the landing and she smiled fondly despite the tears that had sprung to her eyes. It was a picture of Paul and his parents. Paul was just a baby with his wispy fair hair and cheeky smile. Everyone looked so happy in the photograph. Paul's parents were beaming as they held their infant son. They all looked so happy and carefree but it was amazing how those fortunes had changed in a flash.

Stephanie let out a deep breath as she crossed the long hall. The door to Paul's bedroom was open and she could see him standing at the large bay window. His white shirt stretched across his slumped, broad shoulders and his head was bowed. His hands were stuffed in his black trouser pockets. Even his stance reflected his sadness to her. Her instinct was to go over and comfort him. To hold him close. To reassure him that she was there for him. But something inside her held her back. She wasn't sure what it was. Maybe it was because she felt Paul didn't want her comfort or her reassurances. He had been avoiding her since his parents had died. Well, at least it felt that way to her. He hadn't returned any of her calls despite her leaving numerous messages. He had never been home any time she had tried to visit. It was almost as if he was shutting her out but she was determined not to let him. Paul needed her now more than ever whether he realised it or not.

Stephanie lifted her hand and knocked on the door gently. She took a step forward lingering in the doorway.

"Hey."

Paul's head whipped round at the sound of her voice. His brown eyes were sad as they glanced at her and dark circles encompassed them. Even sleep couldn't shield him from his pain.

"Hey." he replied. His voice was soft as he slowly turned round towards her. His black tie hung loosely around his neck and the top button was undone on his collar. "I thought I'd come up here and escape for a while."

The corner of his lips tugged up into a brief smile. His eyes glanced around avoiding looking everywhere but at her. Despite the awkwardness that hung between them, Stephanie was overcome with the need to comfort him. Paul looked so lost and alone and God knows he had to be hurting so much. She walked over to the window where he was standing and instinctively reached out and pulled him towards her. She hugged him tightly and tears blurred her vision as she breathed in his familiar scent. Paul barely embraced her before he released her and quickly stepped back.

Stephanie tried not to feel hurt as she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "Your grandmother is worried about you, you know."

Paul's expression was completely blank. He began to tug at the tie around his neck loosening it even further. "So is that why you're here? Because my Grandma sent you to check up on me."

Stephanie frowned in confusion as she watched Paul yank the tie from his neck and throw it down on the dresser beside him. "Of course not!" she exclaimed.

"Because I'm fine you know." he told her as his big hand pushed his hair back from his forehead. "I don't need anyone to check on me."

"I…..I never said you did."

She watched Paul sit down heavily on the bed crumpling the comforter underneath him. He bent forward resting his arms on his thighs and Stephanie swallowed the lump in her throat as she glanced towards the window. She noticed the strange orange glow to the clouds in the darkening sky. It was probably going to snow soon. She bit down on her lip as she remembered the last time she had been in Paul's bedroom. It had been snowing then too. Their bodies had joined as one as the large flakes had fallen from the sky. She closed her eyes trying to block out the image of Paul's hot mouth descending on her skin. Now wasn't the time or the place to remember what had happened between them. Paul needed her now but as a friend. Everything else would just have to wait.

"So you should probably know I'm selling the house."

Stephanie opened her eyes as Paul's softly spoken words slowly sunk in. She ignored the tight knots in her stomach as she walked towards the bed and knelt down in front of him. His head was bowed and his hair hid his face from view. His hands hung between his parted thighs. She took hold of them gripping them tightly. They were freezing cold to the touch. "And when did you decide this?"

Paul slowly lifted his head. His eyes were so sad they broke her heart. "The realtor is coming tomorrow."

Stephanie licked her dry lips as her blue eyes anxiously searched his face. "Don't you think it's a bit soon?"

He gently shook his head. "I….I can't stay here, Steph. There are too many painful memories here for me."

"But it won't always be that way, Paul." Stephanie told him as she reached up cupping the right hand side of his face with her hand. She felt the light stubble on his chin tickling her palm. "It won't, I promise. In time the pain will fade away and you'll cherish those memories."

"That maybe but I still can't keep this place." Paul paused swallowing thickly as he looked around the bedroom. "I see them everywhere I look, Steph. I….I just think it would be better if I sell up and make a fresh start."

"And what do your grandparents think about it?" asked Stephanie ignoring the ache in her chest as her blue eyes searched his. Her hand fell away from his face and it grabbed hold of his cold hand once more.

"They think it's probably for the best. They told me they want me to stay with them."

Stephanie's stomach began to twist in knots as the realisation of Paul's words hit her. "You….you're moving to Oregon?"

Paul nodded as he chewed on the inside of his lip.

She couldn't help the hot tears that now burned her eyes. Her throat felt tight and it hurt to breathe. "But that's so far away from here."

"I know." he whispered.

"What will happen to us?" Stephanie asked knowing she was being selfish but she was becoming desperate.

Paul smiled gently. "We can still stay in touch."

"But it won't be the same." she cried sadly as she gripped his hands even tighter. She blinked back the tears that threatened to slip over her lashes. She knew she shouldn't be thinking of herself right now but she couldn't help it. She had been devastated in the summer knowing they would be apart for months at a time. Now they would be apart for good. Paul had no reason to return here any more and she had a feeling she wouldn't be enough for him to make the painful journey home.

"I know but I need to do this, Steph. Can't you understand?"

Stephanie said nothing almost afraid to open her mouth, feeling like she wouldn't say the right thing no mattered how hard she tried. Paul was leaving. Nothing she said was going to change that. It still didn't stop her from wanting to scream at the top of her voice that she needed him to stay. But she didn't. She remained silent as she lowered her head and stared at their joined hands.

"Please say you understand." Paul pleaded with her.

Tears blurred her vision as she reluctantly nodded her head. She felt Paul let go of her hand. He placed his finger under her chin slowly bringing her face up to meet his.

"I'll miss you, you know." he whispered. His brown eyes were glazed with his emotion and Stephanie felt the tears trickle down her face.

"And I'll miss you too."

"You know I…."

Paul's voice waivered and he dropped his hand and bit down on his lip in an attempt to keep his emotions in check. Stephanie touched his face seeing his tears and her heart reached out to him. Her thumb lightly grazed his cheek as she leant her forehead against his.

"It's okay to cry, Paul." she hushed as her hand caressed his soft skin. "It's okay."

Paul sniffed as his hand reached up to clutch her chestnut strands. She felt his body start to shake uncontrollably against her. Stephanie pulled him towards her, her hand wrapping itself around his shoulder. His head nestled in the crook of her neck.

"I'm here for you, Paul. Just let it go, baby. Just let it go." she whispered as her fingers brushed through the ends of his soft hair. Stephanie closed her eyes as she felt his wet tears on her skin. She rocked him gently in her arms and felt Paul grip her tightly as his heart wrenching sobs echoed in the silent room. They killed her inside and she wanted so much to help him. She wanted nothing more than to take away his pain but she couldn't. All she could do was continue to hold him and let Paul know she was there for him and that she always would be no matter what.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Paul let out a heavy sigh as he stood motionless on the grass. He felt the cold wet rain fall against his face as he looked up at her bedroom window. The curtains were drawn but the faint glow of light behind them meant she was probably still awake. He knew she would be. It was probably the reason why he had come over here in the first place.

Paul raised the half empty bottle of Jack to his mouth. He grimaced as the whisky burned the back of his throat. Stephanie would be pissed at him. It was almost one o'clock in the morning and he had told her he would be here over six hours ago. They were supposed to be spending time together before she left for Boston in the morning. But instead he'd wandered aimlessly for hours trying to forget how fucked up his life had become. How in a short space of time, everything had become a bitter, cruel joke to him.

Paul wandered across the grass pushing back wet strands of hair from his face. Droplets of rain fell from the end of his nose. He shivered softly as the soaked material of his clothes chilled his skin. But he welcomed the numbness the wet rain gave him. He took another drink as his body flopped down on the cast iron bench by the small pond. He could feel the alcohol flowing through his veins as he sat in the McMahon garden.

It had rained the last time he had been here too. He'd sat on this very bench waiting for Stephanie to come home. It had been the night of their senior prom. She had left early. He hadn't noticed at first. He'd been too preoccupied with Kerry Fletcher. The girl had been more than willing to show him a good time in the deserted school corridor. But then again she'd spent the better part of the school year showing most of his classmates the same good time. Which was why he had eventually come to his senses and tried his best to be nice about it when he had removed her hand from the inside of his pants. It was after he had managed to calm himself down in the bathrooms and had wandered back to his table that he had noticed Stephanie's empty chair. His brown eyes had scoured the dance floor looking for her. That was when he had spotted Ben, her supposed boyfriend and prom date, with his tongue down his ex-girlfriend's throat. Brad had then told him what he had already suspected. Stephanie had left. So he had come here to wait for her. The rain had just begun to fall in a light drizzle when she had eventually arrived home.

"_Paul, what are you doing here?" asked Stephanie, her blue eyes wide with surprise._

_Paul stood up from the bench. He smiled and casually shrugged as he stuffed his hands in his suit trouser pockets. "Well you did leave without giving me that dance you promised."_

_Stephanie lips turned upwards into a crooked smile. She brushed away a damp lock of hair that had escaped from her pinned up twist. "That was self preservation on my part. I didn't want bruised toes from your clumsy two left feet."_

"_Hey, I'll have you know I can dance extremely well thank you very much."_

_Stephanie laughed softly as she placed down her purse on the bench. "Head banging to the latest heavy metal band is not actually considered dancing, Paul."_

_Paul clutched his sides and pretended to laugh. "That's very funny, McMahon. You really shouldn't make me laugh so much you know. I may crack a rib."_

_Stephanie said nothing as she sat down on the bench. She adjusted the strap on her burgundy dress. The wet drizzle caused small goose bumps to appear on her arms._

"_So, you left prom early."_

_Stephanie nodded and bit down on her lip as Paul sat down next to her. She placed her clasped hands in her lap._

"_I saw Ben there. He didn't leave with you."_

_Stephanie glanced up at Paul. He knew from the traces of smudged mascara that she had obviously been crying. Though he didn't know why she bothered to waste her tears on him. Ben was well known for his roaming eye. Needless to say, it wasn't just his eyes that roamed either._

"_He decided he'd rather spend his prom with Cindy the airhead." _

"_I'm sorry." Paul slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. He smelled the floral scent of her perfume. Her damp hair tickled his face as she leant her head against his shoulder. "For what it's worth, you deserve better than him anyway. He's nothing but an asshole, Steph."_

_Stephanie sighed knowing he was right. Paul had warned her on several occasions about Ben. She should have listened to him._

"_I've a good mind to punch his lights out for what he's done to you."_

_Stephanie couldn't help but smile softly. Paul was very protective over her. Ben wasn't the first guy he had threatened to go after. In fact, one time he actually did punch a boy who had upset her. Nine year old Jason Jones ended up with a broken nose. That was the last time he had ever tried to steal her candy._

"_You know I'll do it if you want me to."_

_Stephanie lifted her head from his shoulder. She shook her head with amusement. "It's alright. I already gave him something to remember me by."_

_Paul's brown eyes looked at her curiously. His damp hair stuck to his forehead. _

"_Why? What did you do?"_

"_I kneed him in the balls."_

_Paul snorted with laughter. "Go McMahon!"_

_Stephanie rested her head back on his shoulder. She smiled as they sat in a comfortable silence which was only interrupted when the rain began to fall heavier. Stephanie pulled away from Paul as the wet droplets splashed onto her skin. "It's time I was heading inside." She picked up her purse. She felt Paul's warm hand on her arm._

"_You're not going anywhere until I get what I came for."_

_Stephanie eyes were wide. The rain trickled down her face. She looked at him like he was mad. Paul chuckled._

"_I want that dance you promised me."_

"_Are you crazy? In case you haven't noticed, it's raining. We're getting soaked out here. Not to mention the fact, we don't have any music to actually dance to."_

_Paul grinned. "I can sing something."_

_Stephanie snorted. "God, no. The only thing worse than your dancing is your singing."_

"_Aw, come on McMahon. It's our senior prom. Do you want it spoil it for me by denying me a dance with my best friend?"_

_Stephanie stood with her hands on her hips, shaking her head in disbelief. "But…."_

"_No buts." He placed his hands on her shoulders. Her skin felt slick underneath his fingers. His brown eyes pleaded with her. "Come on. One little dance. What do you say?"_

_A slow smile crept across her face. "I'd say you're a nut."_

_Paul grinned as he stepped back and offered her his hand. "Then do me the honour of dancing with this nut."_

_Stephanie's smile widened as she accepted his outstretched hand. Paul slid his arm around her waist. She placed her other hand on his shoulder. "Try not to stomp on my feet too often, will you."_

"_Shut up and just dance McMahon."_

_Paul pulled her closer so that their bodies were almost touching. He closed his eyes as they began to sway slowly together in the rain._

"Paul, what the hell are you doing out here?"

Her voice interrupted his thoughts. Paul cleared his throat and looked up to see Stephanie standing in front of him. Her face peeked out from the large hooded jacket that protected her from the rain.

"And more to the point, where the hell have you been?"

Paul sighed as he raked his fingers through his wet hair. "I'm sorry, okay. I…I just needed to clear my head for a while."

"And you thought drinking would help you do that."

Paul shook his head as he pushed himself to his feet. The bottle dangled in his hand as he wiped the water from his face. "I didn't come here for a lecture, you know."

"Then what did you come here for? It obviously wasn't to see me otherwise you would have been here hours ago."

He sighed heavily. The dull ache in his chest told him the answer Stephanie was looking for. The truth was it just hurt too much to be around her and yet at the same time, he couldn't stay away. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took another drink.

"I was so worried about you, you know." Stephanie confessed.

Paul allowed himself to look at her as he swallowed the whisky. Despite the darkness, he could see the hurt expression in her eyes. He could hear the pain in her voice. "You don't need to worry about me, Steph." he replied softly.

"Well I think I do."

Paul swallowed hard as the blood beat in his ears. He couldn't do this. He didn't want her worry and he didn't want her sympathy. It wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to bring his parents back. It wasn't going to change the fact that Stephanie had labelled the most amazing experience in his life as a mistake either. God everything reminded him of how much he used to have and that everyone he loved always seemed to leave him. Stephanie would do the same in time. This was why he hadn't come here in the first place. He tensed as her hand rested on his shoulder.

"Come inside, Paul. You're soaked through."

He took a step back away from her. Stephanie's hand fell to her side and he heard her sad sigh through the rain.

"I should go." he told her.

"No, Paul. Stay. Please." Stephanie pleaded feeling the panic rise in her chest. She couldn't let him leave. She was so scared that this was the last time she would see him. Since the funeral, she could feel him pulling away from her more and more every day. He was distancing himself from her. As Paul shook his head in response, Stephanie felt the tears well up in her eyes. She knew she was losing him and the miles that would now be between them meant she was powerless to stop it.

"I just came to say goodbye."

She took a step towards him. Her tears mixed with the rain as her eyes drank in the lost young man that stood in front of her. His warm brown eyes had become sad and cold. His bright smile had been replaced with sorrow. As she reached out to touch him, she tried to ignore the pain in her chest as he deliberately stepped back. Paul stood there awkwardly, his wet blonde hair plastered to his forehead.

"Goodbye Stephanie." he whispered.

Stephanie pressed her lips together as the tears streamed down her cheeks. It hurt to breathe right now. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to scream at him not to leave her. But deep in her heart, she knew he already had left anyway. It was obvious he wanted their friendship to be over. The Paul Levesque she knew was gone. As they stood there in the rain, she gave him the only answer she could. The answer she knew he wanted and needed to hear.

"Goodbye Paul."

His beautiful face was expressionless as he turned away from her. And all Stephanie could do was stand there in the rain feeling her heart break into tiny pieces as she watched him leave her.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Paul leant over the small wooden bridge and stared out across the river. The low January sun reflected off the water and he shivered lightly in the bitter breeze. Stuffing his cold hands in his pockets, he pulled his coat tightly around him. The bare trees blew in the wind and standing here, he felt a sudden sense of calm. It was exactly how he remembered it. There was the peaceful silence only interrupted by the sound of the babbling river. There were the tall, overgrown trees that lined the banks and hung low across the water. Even the harshness of winter couldn't take anything away from its beauty. Paul smiled softly to himself. He had loved coming here as a kid. This had been his place where he could just relax and hang out. He and Stephanie would practically spend most of the summer mornings out here. They'd take his old rowing boat out in the water and just lie in the sun. Sometimes they would talk but other times they would just lie in silence content in one another's company. Being here brought back a lot of those memories and they were memories that he would always remember fondly.

"_It's so hot out here. I think I'm melting." said Stephanie as she lay stretched out across the small rowboat. She pushed back a damp lock of hair that had fallen from her ponytail. She had discarded her t-shirt and wore a pink bikini top. The top button was undone on her faded navy shorts. "Is there any water left?"_

"_I think you should stay away from the water. You could spill it on yourself and be in danger of melting away forever."_

_Stephanie scowled as she lifted her hand above her eyes shielding them from the glaring sun. "Are you calling me a witch? Because you're not that far away that I can't come over there and slap you."_

_Paul snorted. He absently scratched his toned stomach just above the waistband of his denim shorts. He kicked his bare legs backwards and forwards as they rested over the edge of the boat. "Please! Your ass has been welded to this boat for hours. You couldn't move if your life depended on it."_

"_Shut up."_

_He smiled at her weak retort and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the warm rays falling upon his tanned face. The slight rocking of the boat against the water was close to lulling him to sleep._

"_So you didn't answer my question. Is there any water left?"_

_Paul's eyes remained closed. A smirk crossed his face as he remained silent. He felt the boat shift underneath him as Stephanie moved around._

"_Paul! Answer the question. Is there any damn water or not?"_

_He chuckled silently as he heard her groan in frustration._

"_Paul? Are you a fucking mute all of a sudden?"_

"_Hey, you were the one that told me to shut up." He opened one eye and peered at her through the sun. Her nose was wrinkled as she glared at him. "And you should really watch that mouth of yours. That language is disgusting."_

"_Bite me and pass me the damn water will you?"_

"_Only if you say please."_

"_Paul!"_

"_That's my name."_

"_You know you can be really fucking juvenile." _

_Paul snickered. The boat rocked as Stephanie got to her feet. Her hands rested on her hips as her blue eyes glanced around._

"_Where is it?"_

"_Where is what?" He glanced up in amusement as he felt the light kick against his leg. Stephanie's nostrils were flared as she glared at him. Damn, she was cranky when she was thirsty._

"_The water, Paul. Where is the god damn water?"_

_He slowly sat up. His brown eyes glinted mischievously at her. "You want to know where the water is?"_

"_Yes!" she replied in an exasperated tone._

"_Then why didn't you just say so."_

_Before Stephanie could reply, she felt his big hand shove against her. She let out a scream as her hands flailed in the air and her body connected with the cold water. She heard his loud laughter as soon as she rose to the surface. Her bottom lip quivered. Despite the heat, the water was icy cold. _

"_So do you know where that water is now, McMahon?"_

"_Asshole!" she shouted in return. She felt the water up her nose and she pinched her nostrils and squeezed them. "It's fucking freezing in here." Her teeth started to chatter._

"_Here. Let me help you out."_

_Paul was kneeling down. The sun reflected off his light blonde locks. His hand was outstretched towards her. She slowly swam towards him. He was smirking wildly at her no doubt feeling extremely pleased with himself. Well she was about to wipe that smug smile off his face. Instead of taking his hand, she took his arm. His skin felt hot against her chilled hand. She pulled on it hard and this time it was her turn to laugh as the boat tipped to the side and Paul landed in the water with a huge splash. She gripped hold of the rowboat and grinned widely as he eventually appeared to the surface._

"_So Levesque, what do you know? it looks like you found the water too."_

_His brown eyes twinkled at her as he spat the murky liquid from his mouth. "Yeah. And what do you know? You didn't melt after all."_

_His deep laughter carried across the river as Stephanie lunged towards him splashing water in his face._

Paul smiled sadly as he thought about her. Stephanie. He wondered where she was and what she was doing now. It had been a long time. Ten years to be exact. The last time he had seen her she had been standing in the garden in the rain. She had said goodbye and he had walked away from her. He'd had to. He couldn't be around her and he couldn't be around this town. God knows he'd felt so detached from everyone and everything when his parents had died. It was like he had died with them and his world had ended. He'd deliberately shut himself off knowing it had just felt safer to be alone as he tried to find a way to deal with his pain. And when he had eventually found a way out of the darkness, too much time had passed to contact Stephanie. Too many letters remained unanswered and too many calls were unreturned.

Paul sighed as he took his hand out of his pocket. He wearily rubbed the beard on his face. He had tried contacting her once. It had been a little over three years ago on her birthday. He'd even written a card and scribbled a note inside. He'd never sent it though. Instead he'd placed it in the box. The same box that held his memories of the life he used to have. A box he very rarely looked at because some of those memories still hurt yet it comforted him to know it was there.

Paul did up the top button on his coat as the cold wind whipped across his face. He pushed himself off the bridge and bent down to pick up the flowers that he'd rested on the ground. He began to retrace his steps and his boots crunched rhythmically against the hard frost on the ground. Although Stephanie was constantly in his thoughts, she wasn't the reason he had come back home. He was going to visit his parents for the first time since he had buried them all those years ago.

With a heavy heart, Paul made the short walk towards the graveyard. He didn't know why it had been so important to come back here and after all this time. It was just something he felt he had needed to do. He'd been thinking about it for a while. In fact, it had constantly been on his mind for the last five years. He'd just never had the strength to face it before now. Paul absently kicked at a stone that lay in his path. His cheeks were red and pinched. He bowed his head shielding himself from the cold. His life had never been the same, not since that day. The last ten years hadn't taken away his pain. Instead he'd just learned to somehow cope with it. And although he still felt a terrible sense of loss every time he thought about his parents, he had also learned to smile at the memories. It didn't hurt every time he remembered a family Christmas or he recalled how proud they had been when their son had graduated high school. He could still see their faces now. His father hadn't been able to hide the pride in his eyes. His mother had been practically beaming from ear to ear. He just hoped they were as proud of him now. Deep down he knew they probably would be.

Paul's footsteps slowed as he came to the metal gates of the cemetery. He took a deep breath as he lifted the catch and opened them. He began to walk down the narrow pathway that led to the bottom of the graveyard. The sun continued to shine in the pale blue sky. He exhaled slowly as he began to make his way down the path. Suddenly he was that nineteen year old boy again making his way to the graveside to bury his parents. A terrible feeling of sadness washed over him. A long time may have passed but he could remember the funeral like it was yesterday. The ground had been a blanket of white. Tiny flakes of snow had fallen steadily from the sky. The graveside had been surrounded by family and friends. He couldn't remember the service at all. All he remembered was the white caskets on either side of the open ground and that feeling of being lost and so afraid. He had been totally alone now his family was broken and knew his life would never be the same again.

Just then Paul stopped at the bottom of the path. He walked across the frosty grass and let out a calming breath as he stood in front of the grave. It had obviously been tended to recently. Freshly cut flowers were placed in the metal grate. It was probably a neighbour or a friend. His parents had known a lot of people in town. His brown eyes were sad as they scanned over the headstone. He laid down the lilies on the small ledge. They were his mom's favourite flower. He felt his eyes begin to burn as he stared at the white marble headstone. He knelt down in front of it feeling the cold dampness seep through the material of his jeans. He took his hand out of his pocket. His fingertips reached out and lightly traced over the gold lettered inscription. _When the people you love become a memory, the memory becomes a treasure._ His grandmother had chosen the words. He hadn't even been able to think about it. How did you remember in one sentence the two people in the world that meant everything to you? But it was true. He did treasure the memories and he kept them locked firmly in his heart.

Paul cleared his throat awkwardly. His lips turned upwards into a small uncertain smile. "Hey. It's me."

He pushed back the lump in his throat. His voice sounded strange in the silent graveyard but somehow it didn't feel strange to be talking to them. If anything, he felt close to his parents and that was an immense comfort to him.

"I just wanted to come and see you and let you know that I miss you guys so much." Paul sniffed and pushed away the strands of hair that blew across his face. He reached out and fixed the wayward flower that had fallen over to the side. His fingertips felt numb against the stem. "I know I haven't been here much. In fact, I haven't been here at all but that doesn't mean I don't think about you all the time. Because I do. Every day. I just….." He paused struggling to keep his composure as his pain burned the back of his throat. "I just feel this awful empty place inside of me without you both and I don't know if it will ever go away."

Paul pressed his lips together as tears blurred his vision. He quickly blinked them away as he rested his hand on the gravestone. His brown eyes stared disbelievingly at their names.

"I wish you were both still here. I wish I could tell you how much I love you and how much I still need you. How much I need you here to help me remember who I am."

He swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath. He wiped the solitary tear that slipped over his lashes before his big hand pushed his hair back from his forehead. "But I still remember I'm your son and I always will be."

His words lingered in the cold air as he pushed himself to his feet. He pressed his fingertips to his lips and then placed them tenderly on the gravestone. "I miss you both and I love you. Look after each other."

Paul turned around and slowly began to walk away. As he reached the pathway he couldn't help but glance back one last time. "Goodbye Mom. Goodbye Dad." he whispered. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and his head was bowed as he disappeared among the white frost covered trees.

He didn't notice the small blonde haired woman who had been walking down the opposite path from the other side of the cemetery. He also didn't notice her stop in her tracks and look in his direction. A slight frown crossed her face as she tried to place him. She didn't recognise the tall bulky figure or the long blonde hair yet he seemed familiar to her somehow. However as he disappeared from sight, she decided that maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe she didn't know him after all.

It wasn't until she made her way to the Levesque grave that she saw the telltale footprints in the hard frost. She also saw the bouquet of fresh lilies placed against the headstone. Suddenly she knew exactly who the tall stranger had been and why he had been so familiar to her. Linda McMahon quickly glanced in the direction of the trees. "Paul." she called into the wind. But it was too late. No one was there. Paul was gone.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Stephanie swore it had gotten even colder by the time she turned into the tree lined street a block from her house. The black sky was clear and had a scattering of stars. The icy roads glistened in the moonlight as the bitter wind numbed the tip of her nose. The heels of her brown leather boots echoed loudly against the deserted sidewalk. It was after midnight. Despite the late hour, a few lights still shone in the windows of the small detached bungalows. People were up watching television or even sipping cocoa, warm and cosy in the confines of their homes. Stephanie envied them and questioned her own sanity being out on a night like this. She'd never felt it so cold.

She buried her face in the collar of her coat as she continued her journey home. Her gloved hands were buried deep in her pockets. It was all Carrie's fault she was freezing to death. It had been her idea to go for a drink after work. Of course one drink had somehow become seven or eight. Carrie could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. A fact Stephanie had learned on more than one occasion during the four years they had worked together at the local community college where they both taught English literature to young students.

Stephanie turned the corner as a taxi cab went slowly rumbling past. She watched the red glow of the tail lights disappear down the street. She knew she was going to pay for her late night tomorrow morning when her alarm clock went off at six. She would no doubt look like hell as she struggled to function on less than five hours sleep. Stephanie was a person who needed her rest. Less than eight hours and she could forget feeling human. Tomorrow was definitely going to be a long and arduous day.

She shivered as she finally made it home. As she approached the steps to her front door, she removed her bag from her shoulder and retrieved her keys. Placing the key in the lock, she turned it. As she stepped through the door, she instantly felt the warmth envelop her. Her ears began to nip painfully as her body began to thaw. It had been a long day. Her body felt weary and tired as she noticed the flashing light on the small table in the corner of the room.

Stephanie switched on the small lamp and pressed the button on the answer machine. She unbuttoned her coat as the message played in the silent living room.

"Steph, it's Mom. I just thought I'd remind you about the meal for your father's birthday tomorrow night."

She smiled gently. She knew her mother would call and she was in no doubt Shane had heard from her too. She never did trust her children to remember any plans made on their own. Then again, she had good cause. Stephanie knew she had been guilty of forgetting a few family gatherings over the years and she hadn't been the only one. Shane had forgotten the seventieth birthday party organised for their grandmother two years ago. Something Nana still constantly brought up every Christmas and birthday much to her brother's dismay.

"The booking has been made for eight o'clock so you could try and make it to the house for seven. I'll see you then."

The machine beeped loudly signalling the end of the message. Stephanie hung up her coat and dumped her bag on the floor as the second message began to play. She was on her way to the kitchen when her mother's words made her freeze in her tracks.

"I almost forgot to tell you. I think I saw Paul today."

Stephanie quickly spun on her heels. She swallowed thickly as she glanced towards the answering machine.

"I'm pretty sure it was him. I saw him at the cemetery. Anyway, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Bye honey."

Stephanie stood still. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest and the answer machine was now quiet. The dark room was briefly lit up by a passing car outside. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she tried to process the fact that Paul was back. A million questions were running through her mind wondering why and why now. It had been a long time. Ten years had passed and yet she could still remember that night in the garden as if it was yesterday. It was the last time she had seen Paul and he'd been practically a stranger to her. His normally warm brown eyes had been empty and hollow. His face had been thin and pale. His radiant smile had been replaced with such a deep sadness that it had torn her apart to see him that way. When she'd said goodbye, it had broken her heart. She swore she could feel it shattering into tiny pieces as she watched him disappear into the darkness. But she had let Paul go that night knowing that it had been the right thing to do. He had needed time and space to grieve. God only knows what he had been going through. Paul had loved his parents so much. When he lost them, it must have felt like his entire world had been blown apart. She just hadn't realised that when she said goodbye, it would be the last time she would ever see or hear from him.

She had waited almost a month before finally contacting Paul. She'd written him a letter. It had been a short one. She honestly hadn't known what to say to him. But she had let him know that she was there for him anytime he needed her and just to call her whenever he felt up to it. He hadn't responded but that hadn't discouraged her from writing again. In fact, she had written to him several times over the following months. But each letter that remained unanswered slowly dashed any hope she had that she would ever see him again and she finally had allowed herself to come to the realisation that her best friend was really gone.

Stephanie didn't know how long she had been standing there thinking about Paul when she quickly crossed the room and picked up the phone. She glanced over at the clock on the wall. It wasn't even ten o'clock in Oregon. She was safe enough to make the call. She didn't even really know why she was thinking of calling Paul's grandparents. She had given up on that one a long time ago. Almost seven years had passed since she had last tried to contact Paul. Like her letters, every message remained unanswered but she just knew that it was something she had to do. She couldn't rest until she at least had some sort of answer. Stephanie punched in the still familiar numbers. She chewed on the inside of her lip as she listened to the distant ring. Her heart was heavy as she heard Lillian's frail voice.

"Hello. We're sorry we can't take your call……….."

Stephanie hung up and sighed heavily as she tossed the phone down on the small wooden table. It looked like she wasn't going to get an answer. Not tonight anyway. Her blue eyes travelled to the silver picture frame sitting beside the lamp. It was a photograph of her and Paul. Her father had taken it at their graduation. Paul was smiling widely. His cap sat crooked on his head. Stephanie smiled sadly. They both looked so happy then and their future had been full of promise. Their friendship had been firmly in tact. Now it was a painful reminder of what she had lost. God knows she still missed him terribly. Paul had been such a major part of her life for so long. Without him, it seemed empty somehow no matter how many new friends she had made or people she met. No one knew her like Paul did. Or at least he used to know her. And the sad part was they could have had something even more special. She'd never forgotten how making love to Paul had made her feel. Every kiss and every touch was still firmly engrained in her mind. She thought about it even now. In fact, every day she thought about Paul. The sad part was she was still thinking of someone who obviously no longer thought about her. Paul had been home and hadn't even dropped by the house he had considered his second home for so many years. She just wondered if he was still there. Maybe there was a chance he was still in town. Maybe she could find some way of tracking him down. They didn't live in a big city. There were only a couple of places he could stay. But did she really want to see him? After all, Paul had made it blatantly obvious he didn't want to see her. He hadn't even contacted her once. She had her pride after all. Did she really want to put herself out there?

But as she quickly crossed the living room, Stephanie knew she couldn't stay away. He was so close. Paul was only an hour from Boston. This could be her one chance to see him and it was a chance she knew she couldn't throw away.

Feeling her stomach churn with the excitement of seeing him again, Stephanie walked to her bedroom to pack. She would leave first thing in the morning. The sooner she went home, the sooner she could find Paul. As she quickly pulled items of clothing from her drawer, Stephanie realised that morning couldn't come soon enough. Sure she had waited ten years for him but her heart wasn't sure it could wait another second.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Hey lady. Are you going to pay for those or not?"

Stephanie glanced up at the cashier. Despite his sour expression, she smiled at him apologetically as she handed over her purchases. A bottle of diet soda and a packet of M & Ms, the chocolate ones of course. Even after all this time, her habits hadn't changed. She never got the peanut ones because Paul hadn't liked nuts. The one time she had bought them he had sulked and told her she was just being mean and didn't want to share her candy with him. They had been eight years old then and she hadn't bought another bag since. Thinking about it now, she really wasn't entirely sure why.

Stephanie paid for her goods and shivered in the cold as she made her way back to the car. Her bare fingertips tingled as she cautiously crossed the frost covered parking lot. She was only a mile from home now. She had made it here in a record time of fifty minutes. Of course, her stomach had been churning the entire journey. Her mother's phone call had unsettled her to say the least. All night she had tossed and turned as she thought about Paul wondering what was she going to say to him if she found him? How would he react to seeing her after all this time? Would he even want to see her? That's if she ever found him of course. Her mother hadn't actually said it was definitely Paul. It could have been someone entirely different in the cemetery yesterday. But as Stephanie got in the car, her gut feeling told her it was him but just in case she had decided she was going to check it out for herself. Just to be totally sure.

As she passed through the streets, Stephanie noticed the small town coming to life. Delivery trucks were pulled up at the side of the road. The early morning shoppers were waiting patiently outside the small bakery. Stephanie smiled knowingly as she popped a handful of sweets in her mouth. Old Mrs Richards liked the bingo on a Friday night. She also partook in a glass of sherry or two. It meant every Saturday morning the shop opened late but it was always worth the wait. The freshly baked bread and cakes were absolutely mouth watering. She made a mental note to visit there later. She had promised her mother she would pick up the birthday cake for her dad.

Five minutes later Stephanie was standing outside the cemetery. The rusty metal gates creaked as she pushed them open. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her woollen coat as she made her way to the grave. The low sun shone brightly through the frost covered trees and the light breeze blew against her face. Her cheeks were red and pinched with the cold. It wasn't the first time she had visited the Levesque graveside. For the first year or two she had visited it regularly. She had been close to Paul's parents. Losing them had been like losing a favourite aunt and uncle. She had missed them terribly when they had passed. She had always gone to their house every afternoon after school. Patricia would always make her and Paul a sandwich and enquire about their day. She would them pass them a plate of cookies once they had finished their homework. They were always warm and freshly made. Of course Paul munched his way through the majority of them. She'd never met a person with such a huge appetite in her life before. He'd practically eaten his parents out of house and home.

Stephanie's boots crunched along the small path down to the bottom of the graveyard. She felt a wave of sadness wash over her as she glanced at one of the headstones. Little Molly Tucker had only been six years old when she had been hit by a speeding car. She had died instantly and the drunk driver had been sentenced and locked up. She would have been celebrating her ninth birthday today had she survived. That thought sent a tiny shiver down her spine.

Stephanie slowly approached the Levesque graveside. She let out a shaky breath as she walked across the hard grass but that same breath caught in her throat as her blue eyes fixated on the fresh bouquet of white lilies resting against the white marble headstone. They were Patricia's favourite flower. Paul had always bought her a bunch every single birthday and they would be tied in a red ribbon. He always teased her that it was because white flowers were drab and boring and he had to brighten them up somehow. That exact same red ribbon was tied around the flowers at the grave. There was no doubt in her mind that the man her mother had seen yesterday was definitely Paul. After all this time he had finally been here. She didn't even want to allow herself think what that possibly meant. As she crouched down in front of the headstone, she took her hand out of her pocket. Her fingertips gently touched the frosty petals as she sighed into the wind.

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you guys for a while. Life's been kind of crazy lately." She pushed herself to her feet and placing her hand in her coat pocket, she looked at the grave and smiled gently. "I'll come back tomorrow with Mom after church. We'll bring a vase for the flowers Paul left you."

As Stephanie stepped away from the grave, she knew what she had to do. She had to try and find Paul but he wouldn't come back here. She knew that yesterday would have been painful enough for him. She would have to look elsewhere, that's if he was even still in town. He could have vanished as quickly as he had appeared yesterday. But something inside her told her he hadn't. He was still around. She could feel it. She just needed to figure out where he was and she wasn't going to stop looking until she had found him…………………..

Paul's footsteps slowed as he tentatively approached the detached red brick building at the end of the street. He was vaguely aware of the dog barking in the garden across the road as he looked around. There was no car in the driveway. Thankfully the house looked empty. His chest tightened and he let out a slow calming breath as he pushed back his hair from his forehead. His brown eyes were sad as he stood in front of the house he had lived in for nineteen years. It had changed a bit although that was only to be expected. Ten years had passed since he'd closed the front door and handed the keys to the realtor. He never knew who bought the place. He'd never wanted to find out. He didn't want to know the names of the strangers that ate in his kitchen or slept in his bedroom. It also helped alleviate his guilt a little. His parents had loved this house. He'd probably broken their hearts when he had sold it. It had broken his. But he couldn't have held onto it. It had held too many painful memories for him when they had died.

Satisfied that no-one was watching him standing there on the sidewalk, Paul took a few steps closer to the house. He stood at the bottom of the garden and his hand rested on the spar of the wooden fence. It was new. It had replaced the hedge his father had lovingly tended to every week. The front door was new too. The dark wood had been replaced with a white shiny laminate that matched the new windows. Even the garage door had been painted a different colour. The faded and chipped red paint had been replaced with a forest green. But the exterior alterations didn't change any of the memories. He still vividly remembered the birthday parties and the ice cream covered faces. His mom's baking or her look of disgust as his father brought home his prize catch. There was the first ever outing on his shiny new bike up and down the driveway. His lips tugged into a small smile as he noticed the basketball hoop still above the garage door. His father had put it up there when he had been four years old. They always used to play while his mother had prepared dinner in the kitchen. She hadn't liked anyone interfering while she cooked especially when it involved her family picking away at the food she was making. Smiling at the memory, he stepped back from the house.

It was when he turned away from the red brick building that Paul saw her. Time seemed to stand still as their eyes connected across the sidewalk. The bitter wind blew against his face but he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything as he swallowed thickly and took in her appearance. Stephanie was smartly dressed in a long black wool coat and trousers. She held a small black bag almost protectively in front of her and he noticed her thick chestnut locks were shorter as they rested against her shoulders. The style suited her and her blue eyes were older and wiser but they still held that familiar sparkle as they looked at him hesitantly. God, she was more beautiful than he remembered. Or maybe he just hadn't allowed himself to remember. Thinking of Stephanie was usually painful. It reminded him of a life he used to have and more than that, the person he used to be.

"Hello Paul."

He could hear the tentativeness in her voice and he couldn't blame her. He'd cut her out of his life suddenly and cruelly. Stephanie hadn't deserved that.

"It is really you, isn't it?"

Paul let out his breath shakily. "Yes. It's me, Steph."

A strangled cry escaped from her lips. She quickly placed her hand across her mouth as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. She hadn't imagined him standing there. It was him. It was really Paul. Stephanie's heart raced in her chest as he took a couple of steps closer towards her. She watched his big hand tuck his long blonde hair behind his ear. He was no longer the tall, gangly boy she used to know. His broad bulky frame was covered by his leather coat. His neatly trimmed beard only accentuated his handsomeness. As he stood in front of her smiling awkwardly, she looked into his eyes and felt a tear slip down her cheek. They had been so empty and hollow ten years ago. She could still remember that vividly and she had barely recognised them. But as she saw the flicker of warmth in Paul's deep brown orbs, it gave her hope that maybe a part of the boy she used to know still existed. As his fingers tapped against the legs of his jeans, she knew he was really nervous. She had a feeling that if she touched him on the shoulder, he'd jump right out of his skin.

"It's good to see you." he said, his deep voice breaking the silence.

"It's really good to see you too."

The expression on his face softened. As his smile widened, Stephanie felt a pang in her chest. That smile. It was the same smile that used to greet her everyday. She had really missed it. Suddenly, she felt any awkwardness slip away. She wiped the tears from her face and held out her arms towards him.

"So Levesque, have you got a hug for an old friend?"

The minute he wrapped his arms around her, she felt the tears pool in her eyes. She squeezed them shut as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. She gripped him tightly. His soft hair tickled her skin as she inhaled his scent. His cologne was different but she could smell the familiar shampoo. Paul felt just the way she remembered except he was bigger. His embrace was warm and comforting and she'd always felt so protected and safe around him. A thousand memories rushed through her mind as she relished the feel of being in his arms. God, she had missed him so much that at times it had hurt to breathe. She had dreamt so many times of this moment. It was hard to believe he was really here.

As they broke apart, her wide eyes scanned his face. Paul's arms fell away and she grabbed his right hand holding it tightly. It felt like a chunk of ice. She continued to stare at him in total wonderment. "I just can't believe it's you. That you're really standing here."

"Of all the places in all the world." he said jokingly. Paul swallowed thickly as he glanced down at their joined hands. And of all the people in all the world the last one he had expected to see was Stephanie. Seeing her had definitely thrown him for a loop. He hadn't expected her to be in town. But if he was honest with himself, deep down he had probably hoped she might be. He just didn't know if he would have plucked up the courage to see for himself. To visit the house he had considered a second home for so many years.

"I've missed you."

Paul lifted his head and looked at her. He saw her smile tremble at the corners of her mouth. He felt a lump develop in his throat as the guilt overwhelmed him. It was entirely his fault that their friendship had ended. He'd done everything he could to close himself off to her. He'd had to. But as he looked into her eyes, he was surprised to see that there wasn't any anger or resentment towards him. There was just sadness and regret and for some reason, that made him feel worse. A hell of a lot worse.

"I'm sorry." he whispered into the wind. He felt Stephanie squeeze his hand a little more tightly.

"You don't owe me any apologies, Paul." And as she looked into his eyes, she realised that she meant it. Any bitterness at his silence had long passed. "What you've been through….." Her voice broke away. She shook her head slowly. "I won't even pretend to know what that feels like. Your whole world was turned completely upside down."

Paul didn't add that sometimes it felt like it still was. That there were times he just felt so lost and alone and that the pain was so overwhelming that he just couldn't sit still. Instead he pressed his lips together in a sad smile. A car rumbled past them slowly in the tree lined street. "You learn how to cope with it somehow. To try and move on with your life."

"And is that why you came back after all this time? To move on with your life?"

Paul licked his lips. They felt numb from the cold. "I think so." He sighed as he looked over at the brick house, the house that had been a home to him for nineteen years. And although it wasn't his home any longer, he couldn't help but feel an emotional attachment to it. He had so many memories in that house. He cherished every single one of them. "To be honest, I don't know why I came here." he admitted.

He turned his head towards Stephanie. Her blue eyes were watching him intently.

"My mom said she saw you in the cemetery yesterday."

He raised his brow in surprise. He hadn't been aware that Linda had been there but it saved him asking the question as to how Stephanie had found him here. She had obviously come looking for him and he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that.

"I just knew this was something I had to do." he explained. "It was time, you know."

Stephanie nodded shifting her feet underneath her. She couldn't help but admire his strength and his courage. Paul had been through something so shocking and completely devastating. It was good to see he had managed to make it through the other side. As she glanced up at the darkening sky, she shivered despite her heavy coat. The sun was starting to set casting an orange glow across the rooftops. It was getting late.

"You're cold."

Stephanie shook her head. Her heart skipped a beat as she heard his deep, throaty chuckle.

"And still as damn stubborn, I see."

A slow smile crept across her face. Her thumb absently began to trace his knuckle.

"You should get home before you freeze to death."

Stephanie bit down on her lip thoughtfully as she slowly nodded in response. She toyed with the notion of asking him to come back with her. The invitation was on the tip of her tongue. It was her father's birthday party after all and her parents would be overjoyed to see him. However, there was a part of her that just couldn't do it. It would be too much too soon. But she desperately wanted to see Paul again and spend time with him. She wasn't going to let him disappear from her life. Not now she had found him again. She just hoped Paul felt the same way. Stephanie took a calming breath as she found the courage to ask the question.

"Maybe we could catch up tomorrow? I mean, only if you want to and only if you're still in town." she asked, shyly.

Her wide blue eyes watched him as she awaited his response. She didn't have to wait long. A wave of relief washed over her as he nodded his head. "I'd like that."

"You would?" she asked tearfully.

"I would." he replied gently. He swallowed thickly. "I've missed you too, Steph."

This time there was no hesitation as she wrapped her arms around him. She blinked back her tears as Paul held her close to him. She wished it was tomorrow already. She had so much she wanted to ask him and there was so much she needed to say. But it could wait. She could be patient for now. After all she had waited ten years for him. Another few hours wasn't going to make a difference.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The trees blew and rustled in the cold February breeze. Paul squinted through the glare of the low afternoon sun as he lifted his wrist to check his watch. He was early. Twenty five minutes early to be precise and it would have been a hell of a lot more if he hadn't taken the long detour by Hudson Street. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he pushed open the small wire gate. It creaked loudly as the rusted metal chilled his fingertips. As the gate swung shut behind him, he stuffed his hands deep into his leather coat pockets. He kicked at the frost covered snow as he made his way through the large familiar park. A slow smile traced his lips as he side stepped the two little boys making snow angels and giggling into the wind. They reminded him of the times when he would play in the snow with Stephanie. They had both loved the winter. He had done ever since he could remember. There had been something magical about it all especially when he would sit and watch the large snowflakes drift and fall. In fact one of his first memories was standing on a chair at the window just watching the snow. He could remember leaning over on his tiptoes gazing in wonderment as everything disappeared under a thick blanket of white.

But that had been a long time ago before everything in his life had suddenly changed. The boy he had been back then had disappeared along with any magic or wonderment he had felt at the world. Instead he had been replaced by a man. A man who felt he never truly belonged anywhere no matter how hard he tried and a man who for so long had buried all his memories and his dreams deep down inside. He had had to. It was the only way he had been able to survive. Remembering had been too painful for him and being back home, he had expected to feel that pain again. That deep gut wrenching pain that hurt so much that at times he couldn't stand still.

But he had been surprised to find it hadn't been that way. The pain had been there but it had been mixed with a feeling of comfort at some of the memories. Just like the comfort he had felt when he had held Stephanie in his arms for that brief moment yesterday.

Paul's smile slowly faded as he approached the top of the small hill. He took his big hand from his pocket and pushed back the hair that had fallen across his face. Stephanie. He just hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since he had seen her. He had tossed and turned all night fondly remembering the girl she was and wondering about the woman she had become. He had missed so much of her life. There was college and her career. Maybe even a husband and children. All the things he lost the right to know the second he cut her out of his life. Paul sighed heavily. Just then he spotted her. His footsteps faltered for a second as he watched her walk towards him. She was wearing the same wool coat as yesterday and her chestnut strands blew behind her in the breeze. He tried to ignore the nervous knot in his stomach as she waved and smiled in his direction. Yep. She was still beautiful. In his eyes, she always would be.

Paul let out a calming breath visible in the chilly air as he crossed the short distance between them. The children still giggled behind him but he didn't hear them. His mind was focused on one thing and she was waiting just a few feet away. Ten summers had been and gone since he had last been here with Stephanie. But as he stood there beside her, he felt the time just melt away. He could remember it so vividly. He remembered everything.  
"Hello Stephanie." he said softly as he met her eyes.

"Hello Paul." she replied as she twisted her fingers nervously together and let out a soft sigh. His name sounded different as it fell from her lips. It was if Stephanie was the only person in the world that had ever said it that way. He saw her step forward but then stop. She stood awkwardly in front of him. Paul smiled. He knew she had been going to hug him. She had always used to greet him that way but something was holding her back. So much time had passed between them; just maybe too much.

"Shall we sit down?" asked Paul as he gestured towards the swing.

She nodded and removing her bag from her shoulder, she dumped it on the ground.  
Paul sat down on the hard plastic and curled his fingers around the metal chain. He could smell the faint scent of her perfume as it carried in the wind. It was vanilla. Stephanie always used to smell of vanilla. Funny, he hadn't allowed himself to remember that in so long. Sitting here beside her now, he wondered how he could have ever forgotten. As he turned to look towards her, he saw she was watching him. He cleared his throat and his mouth turned upwards into a smile. "So, how are you doing?"

"Good." she replied smiling. "You?"

"Good." Paul began to swing slowly backwards and forwards. He turned and looked straight ahead as his boots scuffed across the snow. His teeth pulled on his bottom lip as he racked his brains for something to say. It wasn't that he didn't have anything to say to her. He did. He had so many things he wanted to say to Stephanie, to ask her. He just didn't know where to begin. Instead he swung silently back and forth trying to ignore the building tension he could feel building between them. The sun disappeared behind the thickening clouds in the sky.

"This is so stupid."

Paul turned and his brown eyes settled on Stephanie. She was smiling at him as she raked her fingers through her long strands. He allowed himself to smile back grateful that she had finally broken the awkward silence between them.

"I mean we've known one another since we were six." she said.

"We have." he agreed.

"And God knows I could never get you to shut up back then."

Paul stopped the swing and shifting in the seat, he pretended to scowl at her. "Liar! As I recall it, you were the one always rambling on about one thing or another. I was just the poor idiot who had to suffer through it all."

"At least you remember you were an idiot." Stephanie replied teasingly.

"Yeah? Well you were a pain in the ass."

"Was not."

"Were too."

"Was not."

Paul smirked as he raised his eyebrows. "You were too."

Stephanie snorted before she burst into laughter, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners. Paul felt his heart flip as he laughed along with her. He found himself relaxing a little, the tension between them slowly starting to dissipate.

"For a second there, I thought I was six years old again." Stephanie said.

"Yeah well maybe it would be nice to be that age again." Paul looked past her at the children still playing in the snow. A woeful smile traced his lips as he gestured towards them. "I mean, that was us not so long ago. I can still remember what it felt like. We were young and we were happy. We didn't have a care in the world."

"You also didn't have any front teeth."

Paul looked across at her quizzically. His brown eyes were narrowed.

"You fell from the tree house and knocked them out, remember? Luckily they were your baby ones."

A slow smile of recognition crossed his face at the memory. "I also remember you passing out the minute you saw the blood."

"I did not."

"You did too. Mom had to cart your ass to the hospital with me."

Paul's voice trailed away as an image of his mother's face flashed through his mind. He felt a pang in his chest and absently stared down at the ground as he rested his hands in his lap. The flurry of snow began to fall from the thin veil of clouds in the sky. Tiny flakes swirled around in front of them in the wind.

"You know I forgot how beautiful this place was." Stephanie said softly as she reached out to catch the snow. It settled on her glove before slowly melting into the woollen material. She turned to look at Paul. His sad brown eyes were watching her. It was taking everything she had not to pull him to her and hold him close but she had made a promise to herself. She was going to keep her distance. The last thing she wanted was to make Paul feel uncomfortable or ill at ease.

"It's at times like these I miss it." he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I didn't realise how much until I came back here. It's not the same celebrating Christmas with the sun shining outside and the palm trees swinging in the breeze."

"You have palm trees in Oregon?"

Paul shook his head. "I don't live in Oregon. I live in California, San Diego actually. Or at least I did." He shrugged casually as he began to slowly swing back and forth again. "I work freelance doing multimedia and graphic design. I really don't have a base with me travelling around a lot." He pressed his lips together in a smile before standing up from the swing. His big hand pushed his hair behind his ear before he shoved it into his pocket. "Do you want to go for a walk? We'll probably freeze to death if we just sit here not to mention losing all feeling in our backsides."

Stephanie smiled and nodded as she pushed herself off the hard black plastic. She bent down and picked up her bag slinging it across her shoulder. They stood there awkwardly for a second. Paul gave a gentle sigh as he took out his hand from his pocket and held it out towards her. Stephanie hesitated for a second before curling her own gloved one around it. The falling flakes of snow began to cover his blonde strands. The snow crunched underfoot as they fell into step with one another.

"So you graduated from college?" she asked.

Paul nodded smiling absently at the pattern of the snow angels as they passed them. "But I only graduated four years ago. I took a year out after……." He paused for a second. "Well after Mom and Dad died. My grandparents insisted. I was kind of a mess." he finished.

His steps slowed down as he stared ahead thoughtfully. Stephanie wasn't exactly sure what to say. She had so many questions running through her mind, the biggest one being why he had never gotten in touch in all these years. She had missed Paul so much. She had constantly wondered where he was or what he was doing. Was he was happy and did he ever think about her at all? Letting him go had torn her world apart but she had done it anyway and always with the belief that one day he would come back to her. But he hadn't and each day that passed made her realise that he probably never would. That was until Paul had come home and she had found him again. Now she couldn't stop that tiny piece of her heart hoping that it could be for good.

"Steph, do you think they're happy?" asked Paul as he stopped walking. He turned to look at her. His brown eyes looked hopeful.

Stephanie slowly nodded her head. Her thumb rubbed across his knuckle. "They're together, Paul. Your Mom and Dad are together and they are up there watching you so proud of who you've become."

"They'll be proud of you too you know. Of the woman you have become." Paul said softly as he glanced down at their joined hands. His wet hair hung limply around his face. The melted snow trickled down the black leather of his coat. "I want to hear all about it Steph. About college, your job, your life." There was a hitch in his voice. His cheeks puffed out slightly as he let out a calming breath. "I just don't know how to ask or even where to start. Maybe I don't even have a right to."

Stephanie swallowed the lump in her throat. She allowed a tear to fall down her cheek and didn't even attempt to hide it by wiping it away. She reached out and touched his face. Her blue eyes scanned his face. "Of course you have a right. Anything you want to know, well you can just ask me." she said, her bottom lip quivering slightly as she looked at the man who, after all this time, still knew her better than anybody else. He was the one man that had changed her life completely. He was the one man that no other had ever quite been able to measure up to. Not in her eyes.

"So where do I begin?" asked Paul.

Stephanie sniffed as she took her hand away from his face. She tucked her wet strands behind her ear and smiled at him. "You can start by taking me somewhere warm and filling me up with coffee."

Paul laughed. The expression on her face softened as she tugged on his hand.

"We've got a lot of catching up to do. You should probably throw a muffin in there as well."

"Let me guess. Double chocolate chip?" asked Paul.

"How did you know?"

"Some things just never change." Paul smiled at her gently as he dropped her hand and linked his arm through hers. The snow was beginning to ease. His brown eyes sparkled at her reminding her of the boy she used to know. "Come on McMahon. You can lead the way."

They started walking again, the cold breeze pinching their faces.

"Why do I have to lead anyway?" asked Stephanie.

"Well, you always were the dominant one."

"Are you saying I'm butch Levesque?"

"I would never dream of it."

"Good because I'm more than capable of shoving my foot up your ass you know."

"Oh I know. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've still got an imprint or two to prove it."

Stephanie snorted with laughter as they made their way through the small gate. Her heart gave that familiar flip as she glanced at Paul out the corner of her eye. In that brief moment, it was if the last ten years had never happened. Time had just disappeared. They were Paul and Stephanie again. Best friends always she had told him before he had left.

But as they continued along the street, her smile slowly faded. She felt a stab of guilt in her heart that she had tried desperately to ignore. The truth was things could never go back to the way they were no matter how much she wanted it to. Life just wasn't that simple. Not for them anyway. In fact, things would never be the same again. Not once she had told him what she needed to tell him. God, Paul would be so angry but then again he had no right to be. He was the one who had shut her out. He was the one who had prevented her from telling him about his daughter. But she couldn't keep her a secret any longer. Not now he was back in her life. And with any luck he'd want to stay in it once he knew all about Mya. All she needed was to find the courage to finally tell him and admit the secret she had been keeping from him for the last nine years. That he was a father to their beautiful little girl.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Stephanie smiled as she inhaled the aroma lingering in the spacious kitchen. It was a mixture of ginger and cinnamon, one of her most favourite smells in the world and it always reminded her of home as her mother cooked in the kitchen. She really was an awesome cook. Her dishes were amazing but unfortunately she hadn't passed that particular talent on to her daughter. Stephanie could admit she was hopeless when it came to any sort of homemade food but give her a ready meal and she could whip it up in seconds. Still smiling, Stephanie hugged the coffee mug in her hands and blew on it gently to cool the hot liquid.

"When are you going to tell him?" asked Linda in a hushed voice as she looked over in the direction of her granddaughter who was scribbling away furiously on the coloured paper in front of her. She couldn't help but smile as she noticed the tongue poking out the corner of her small mouth. Stephanie used to do the same when she was little, her faced etched in deep concentration. But while Mya had inherited many of her mother's traits including her thick chestnut hair, there was no mistaking the bright brown eyes that conveyed an array of emotions at a single glance. Or the mischievous grin that lit up her pretty face causing her cheeks to dimple. Mya resembled Paul in so many different ways it was uncanny at times. She was a constant and precious reminder of the boy she used to know. The boy she had treated as a son and had watched as he grew into a remarkable young man; the same young man that tragedy had changed forever.

"I'm meeting him this weekend. He's flying in tonight." said Stephanie. She took a mouthful of coffee. As her eyes settled on her daughter, she couldn't help but feel anxious over how this whole thing was going to play out. Sure, Paul would be angry. She was prepared for that. And maybe he had every right to be. Despite being the one to shut her out of his life, she could admit there was an element of blame on her part. She could have called his grandparents and told them. Hell, she could have gone to Oregon. She could have forced Paul to see her. But she hadn't and she had justified her actions by telling herself that if Paul didn't want her in his life, he wouldn't want a baby either. Besides, at the time, she had her own battles to face becoming a young mother. She was barely twenty years old when Mya came into the world. All her hopes and dreams for the future had to be cast aside. Her life had been forced to change but she definitely had no regrets about it. How could she when she had helped create something so beautiful and perfect. She cherished her daughter and Mya gave sense and purpose to her life. She also was a part of Paul, something that helped ease the loneliness for him in her heart.

"Poor thing. He's going to be so shocked." said Linda as she continued to chop the vegetables. The knife gave a rhythmic thud against the wooden chopping board.

Stephanie sighed heavily as she took another mouthful of coffee. Her mother was right. Paul would be shocked. It would be the first of many emotions she was sure. God knows how this was going to affect him. Part of her was terrified she could lose him again. Granted they had tentatively agreed to rebuild their friendship a couple of weeks ago. She had even called Paul to talk since then but she knew things were a million miles from the way things used to be. God, they had been so close. She used to know everything about him. Every detail she remembered was firmly engrained in her mind. Like the jagged scar on his knee from when he fell off his bike when he was ten. Or the mark on his skin where he'd burned his hand on the oven the time he had attempted to make pizza while loaded. There was even a time when she could predict his every action. She instinctively knew what Paul would do or say in certain situations. But this time she could only guess at how he would take the news that he was a father. Finding out he had a daughter after all this time would be tough to take. Nine years was such a long time. There was so much he had missed out on. There were her first steps just two days before her first birthday. He'd missed her dressing up as a lamb in the kindergarten Nativity play. All these precious moments had been denied to him. She couldn't help but feel a tremendous amount of guilt about that. After all it wasn't Paul's fault he hadn't been there. How could he be when he never even knew Mya existed?

"Mommy, come see my picture."

Stephanie smiled at her little girl's eager voice and pushed herself off the counter. She placed her coffee cup down on the black marble on her way to the kitchen table. She looked down at the paper. It was a drawing of a house. Standing outside were two quite artistically drawn people, both with wide smiles. Mya's talents with a crayon definitely came from her father unless her own attempt at matchstick men counted as art these days.

"What's with the dog?" Stephanie teased as her finger tapped against the paper.

Mya shrugged as her wide brown eyes stared at her. "I thought he looked cute Mommy."

"Oh, it's a he is it?"

Mya nodded, her brown hair moving across her shoulders. "I called him Scruffy. Do you like it?"

"I love it honey." Stephanie smiled and ruffled her daughter's hair affectionately. "And who knows. Maybe one day Scruffy can come and live with us for real."

The little girl gasped as her green crayon fell from her fingers and rolled across the table. A wide grin spread across her face, that familiar grin that caused Stephanie's heart to flip in her chest. "Can he Mommy? Really?"

"We'll see. No promises though."

"Okay." Mya's lower lip pouted, slightly unsatisfied with her mother's answer. She pushed back the chair scraping it against the ceramic tiled floor. The strap from her denim overalls fell from her shoulder. "Mommy, can I play outside? I want to make a snowman."

Stephanie frowned as she glanced over at the window. Despite the low sun shining in the pale blue sky, she knew it was far from warm outside. The snow that had fallen overnight was hard and frosted over.

"I promise to wrap up."

Stephanie glanced down at her daughter. Her big brown eyes pleaded with her as her stubby fingers absently pushed her hair back from her forehead. God, she was so much like Paul. He had loved playing in the snow too. He would march round to the house and drag her outside every time there was a hint of a snow fall. His hat that his mom had shoved on would always be stuffed in his coat pocket. His oversized woollen scarf would hang loose around his neck with one end somehow always trailing along the ground.

"Please?" begged Mya.

Stephanie nodded her head and chuckled as her daughter squealed excitedly and ran from the kitchen. "Remember and zip up your coat." she called after her. She heard a muffled agreement just as the door closed over.

"It's just like watching you when you were little." said Linda smiling as she poured the vegetables into the ceramic dish.

Stephanie smiled at her mother as she picked up the black coffee mug. "Are you sure there is nothing I can do?"

Linda shook her head as she popped the dish in the large stainless steel oven. "You know I love cooking for you."

"And you know I love your cooking." laughed Stephanie. "Why do you think Mya and I come back home every weekend?" She drained her coffee and placed the mug in the sink. When she looked back round, Linda was leaning against the counter. Her face wore a concerned expression.

"Have you thought about what you're going to tell her?" she asked.

Stephanie's nose scrunched in confusion.

"About Paul." Linda stressed.

She shook her head as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I was thinking I'd maybe discuss that with him." She pressed her lips together as she looked at her mother. "Providing how he takes the news himself. I mean Paul might not even want to be a part of Mya's life. There's no point in telling her about him if that's the case."

"But it won't be. Paul will want to know his daughter, Stephanie. He's not the type of man to walk away from his responsibilities."

Stephanie sighed, her blue eyes flickering with her sadness. "Yeah, but that was the Paul we used to know, Mom. He's gone and we hardly know the man he is now. Who knows how he's going to react when I tell him."

Linda reached out and took her daughter's hand in hers. It was cold and she knew her daughter was scared. "All you can do is be honest with him, Stephanie. The rest, well it's up to him."

Stephanie nodded and tried to ignore the tight knots in her stomach. God knows how she was going to be able to sleep tonight. Her mind was working overtime as she struggled to find the right way to do this. One thing was for sure, she couldn't fuck this up. It was far too important. God, she was seeing Paul in the morning, just over twelve hours from now. He was negotiating a contract in the Boston area on Monday. They had arranged to meet up beforehand. It had been his suggestion actually and Stephanie knew that was her chance. If she prolonged this any longer, it was only going to get worse. He would never forgive her. Not now they had made contact. As hard as it was, she had to do this. Mya needed her father in her life. She just hoped Paul needed his daughter too.

Paul got out of the car and slowly made his way to the house. He pushed his hands in his pockets as the cold wind numbed his face. As he stared up at the red brick building, he hoped he would be welcome. He didn't want to intrude but honestly, he hadn't been able to stop himself from coming here. The minute his flight landed, Stephanie was all he could think about. He wanted to see her again. He wanted to spend time with her. It was either that or spending time a lonely hotel room where he had way too much time to think.

The snow crunched underfoot as Paul made his way to the garden. He had always used the back door. Who was he to break tradition? And if he was honest, it wasn't only Stephanie he wanted to see. The McMahons had been like family to him and this house had been his second home for so long. He had missed being here. He had so many good memories. Memories that now weren't so painful to face.

"Excuse me mister."

Paul jumped slightly startled at the young voice behind him. Turning round he saw a young girl, her hands stuffed in her red coat pockets. Her woollen hat was pulled down half way over her eyes. Her wavy brown hair fell across her shoulders. She was peering up at him, a tiny frown on her face.

"Are you lost?"

Paul's shoulders shook as he lightly chuckled, amused by the young kid's question. "No, I'm not lost."

"Do you know Mr McMahon then? This is his house you know." she replied as she stared at him almost suspiciously.

"Yeah I know Mr McMahon." said Paul as he shifted his feet in the snow. The light breeze blew his hair across his face. His thick fingers tucked the strands behind his ear. "Do you know Mr McMahon?" he asked teasingly.

"Well duh, mister. I'm at his house."

Paul tried to suppress a grin as the little girl stared at him almost defiantly. Her nose was scrunched as she scowled. "Of course you are." He paused for a second as he watched her. His lips upturned into a smile. "I'm old. You have to forgive me."

The little girl shrugged her shoulders. She kicked her foot, her boot scuffing the snow. "You don't look that old."

"Well, thank you."

"You are big though."

"That's because my mom fed me spinach when I was little."

A hint of a smile appeared on the young girl's face. "Like Popeye?"

Paul grinned, his brown eyes crinkling at the corners. "Like Popeye only I'm way tougher than he is."

"Are you tougher than my Grandpa because he's pretty tough?"

He looked at her thoughtfully as he sat down on the small cast iron bench behind him. He removed his hands from his coat pockets and rested his forearms across his thighs. His eyes were level with the pair of curious ones still half hidden under the navy wool. "Well that depends on who your Grandpa is." said Paul, already knowing the answer. He knew deep down that this had to be Vince's grandchild. Why else would she be here playing in the snow in his garden which begged the question as to who she belonged to. Stephanie had briefly mentioned that Shane had a kid. This must be her. She certainly had the McMahon attitude. She was far from being shy.

"It's Mr McMahon."

"Vince?"

"You know his name?" she asked surprised.

Paul nodded. "I knew him when I was your age. I used to come here when I was a boy."

"That long ago?" Her eyes were wide.

He pretended to scowl. "Hey, I'm not that old, remember?"

"Well you were the one that told me you were, remember?"

Paul couldn't help but smile at her comeback. The kid was sharp, too sharp. God, she reminded him so much of Stephanie. She was always the one for quick quips. She always had an answer for everything. It was easy to see they were related. No doubt, the pair of them were tight when they got together. Stephanie would be fond of her niece and although he'd only known her for a matter of seconds, he knew it would be hard not to be. This kid definitely had some go in her. It was hard not to like her.

"Mister, you're staring now."

Paul cleared his throat and sat back against the bench. His hands fell to his lap. "Sorry."

"That's okay."

He gave her a gentle smile.

"So are you here to see my Grandpa?"

Paul nodded his head. "And your Grandma too if she's around."

The little girl nodded her head as she walked to the bench. Paul shifted to his right as she took a seat beside him. Her denim clad legs swung back and forward. Her Wellington boots kicked the snow. "She's in the kitchen. She's cooking."

"I loved your Grandma's cooking."

"You did?" she asked as she shifted in the seat to face him.

Paul nodded once more as he turned his head towards her. His blonde hair brushed across his shoulders.

"My mommy is there too. Do you know her?"

Paul pressed his lips together as he shook his head. "I know your daddy though."

He watched the girl's face instantly fall at his reply. Her full lips frowned before she bowed her head. Her hand pushed back her hat as she sighed. "But my daddy isn't here."

"He's not?"

She shook her head. Her hair hid her face from view. "I've never seen my daddy. I don't know where he is. Mommy said he had to go far away."

Paul looked at the little girl feeling guilty and confused. He lifted his hand and it hovered in mid-air. He didn't have a clue what to do. He hadn't meant to upset her. He hadn't known that Shane was gone. As far as he knew, he was still living in the area married with a kid. At least that was the impression he had gotten when he had talked to Stephanie. Surely she would have mentioned something? After all, he had obviously been gone a while. Years if what the kid said to him was true.

"So it's just me and my mommy."

The little girl lifted her head. Her sad brown eyes looked up at him and stared into his. Paul swallowed thickly, his lips parting. His big hand dropped heavily to his lap as suddenly, and for no reason, he felt a chill down his spine. There was something about her eyes, something that scared him half to death.

"Are you okay, mister? You look kinda funny."

Paul nodded his head not sure what else to do. The blood beat in his ears as his mind mentally pieced together the puzzle. It was a puzzle he wasn't sure he was ready to solve. He was only starting to exist after one life changing experience. He wasn't sure he could handle another. Not now. Paul slowly got to his feet as he looked at the girl in a haze. He felt numb as she stared back at him. He hadn't a clue what to do just like he hadn't a clue how he felt about this. He just knew he couldn't deal with it. He needed time to think, to try and process it all.

"Are you going inside to see Grandpa?"

Her voice snapped him out of his funk. He shook his head as he took a step back.

"No. Em, I gotta go actually." he said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. He slowly backed away wanting desperately to get the hell out of here but yet he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Mya, dinner's almost ready!"

Her voice came from the side of the house. Paul felt his heart pound in his chest. Stephanie. He couldn't handle seeing her. Even if he could, he wasn't even sure he wanted to.

"I'm coming Mommy."

Paul pushed back the lump in his throat as he spun round on his heel. He couldn't even say goodbye to her as he left her, his boots crunching in the snow.

"Paul!"

He lifted his head at the sound of her voice. Stephanie's mouth was parted in stunned surprise as she met him at the top of the garden. His brown eyes were wide and filled with emotion. Emotion that told Stephanie without a doubt that Paul knew the truth. She didn't know how but he did. As she swallowed thickly and tried to find the words to start one of the hardest conversations of her life, Paul quickly shook his head. His brown eyes were hard and cold as he gave her one final glance before pushing past her and leaving. She heard the car door slam shut behind her. Stephanie could only stand there, her body frozen. The tears slipped over her lashes as she stood there in the cold. She hadn't meant to hurt him. God knows it wasn't supposed to be this way. Now Paul was gone. Who even knew if he would even be back? She had lost him once before. Stephanie knew she'd have to face up to the fact that maybe she had lost him again. And this time it could be for good.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Stephanie picked up the large cream cushion and fluffed it for what was probably the millionth time. Her eyes surveyed the spacious and tidy living room. It was filled with the bright afternoon sun and the smell of lavender lingered in the air. The furniture had been polished to within an inch of its life. The wooden floor had been scrubbed thoroughly. She'd been up since the crack of dawn cleaning the entire house. Her mind wouldn't let her rest so she'd tried to keep occupied not allowing herself any time to think. If she thought, she would only worry.

Stephanie placed the cushion back on the brown leather sofa and walked slowly across to the window. Her fluffy red socks padded across the floor. The bottom of the beige lined curtains billowed in the gentle breeze. Paul would be arriving here any second now. Stephanie felt her stomach begin to churn anxiously in anticipation. Crossing her arms over her chest, she watched the quiet tree lined street. The frost covered gardens were glistening in the sun. The late February freeze meant the children were content to stay indoors. Cars sat unwashed in the driveways even Mr Hallenbeck's who hosed down his Buick religiously every Saturday. Stephanie sighed and wondered where Paul was. He was supposed to be here over an hour ago and there was still no sign of him anywhere. Even given his poor sense of direction, he was horribly late. Part of her was beginning to doubt he would even show.

Stepping back from the window, Stephanie walked towards the sofa. She could feel the disappointment begin to creep into her heart. She had thought it too good to be true when he had called and asked to talk to her a couple of days ago. Well, not that Paul had talked to her. He had left her a message on her cell phone. She'd listened to it over and over again not quite able to believe he had called. There had been nothing but silence for weeks. She'd been so close to giving up on him and then out of nowhere he had contacted her. Stephanie sat down heavily on the sofa and brought a cushion to her chest. Of course, she had called him straight back. Surprisingly enough Paul had answered her call and they had exchanged polite pleasantries. Nothing else had been discussed apart from making arrangements to meet today. The conversation had seemed stilted and awkward. Stephanie had hated every second of it. She and Paul had used to be so close. They could talk about anything and everything. Their phone call had been a painful reminder of how terribly estranged they had become. Everything had changed between them.

Just then she heard a car pull up outside the house. Stephanie inhaled sharply and turned her head towards the window. She shifted in her seat to get a better view. An unfamiliar black car sat behind hers in the driveway and she felt her heart begin to pound wildly in her chest. It was Paul. Quickly rising to her feet, Stephanie threw the cushion down on the sofa. She scurried across the room and glanced nervously at her reflection in the gild edged mirror. Her fingers pushed away a loose strand of hair across her forehead. She stood for a second trying to calm herself down. There was so much riding on this one conversation. Stephanie let a slow breath pass through her red gloss lips. "Don't fuck this up." she said to the anxious face staring back at her.

The doorbell rang and she practically jumped out of her skin. "Calm down, Steph." she muttered as she walked to the door. Her hand shook slightly as she turned the handle. Paul's back was turned as the door creaked open. He turned round sharply and she could see her reflection in his dark sunglasses. His long blonde hair blew in the gentle breeze.

"Hey." she said pressing her lips in a tight smile. She tried to ignore the mixture of emotions rushing through her at that very moment. Her blue eyes watched Paul push his glasses up into his hair. His brown eyes looked nervous and his smile almost hesitant. She was glad she wasn't the only one that felt anxious about this.

"Hey." he replied. "Sorry I'm late. My flight was delayed."

Stephanie nodded and opened the door wider, stepping aside to let him pass. His heavy boots scuffed against the wood. He bit down on his lip as he followed her into the living room.

"Take a seat." she said gesturing towards the two seater sofa. "I'll just make us some coffee."

Paul nodded and he stood there awkwardly as he watched her disappear into the kitchen. His brown eyes observed his surroundings. Stephanie had a nice place. It was clean and very tidy and he wasn't that surprised. She always had been a bit of a neat freak when she was younger. She'd constantly hassle him any time he left the tiniest crumb on her comforter. Slightly smiling at the memory, Paul's thick fingers pushed back the collar of his leather coat from his neck. It felt warm in here or maybe it was just his nerves. God knows he'd been chickening out of coming here all the way from the airport. But he was sick of living in limbo. It was time for him to face up to the truth. Up until now he'd tried to persuade himself that Mya and Stephanie had their lives and he had his. There was no reason for him to change that and upset the balance of things. But he knew he was only making excuses from himself. Besides which, if his parents were still alive, he knew they would kick his ass for how he had been acting lately. They wouldn't be proud of him that was for sure and if he was honest, he wasn't exactly proud of himself either. He had been dwelling in his own misery for way too long now.

Sighing heavily, Paul wandered over to the sofa. He could hear Stephanie moving around next door. A cupboard door banged loudly and he winced knowing she was probably totally pissed off at him. If she was, she had every right to be. He'd been blatantly ignoring her for weeks now. Sitting down heavily on the sofa, Paul absently rubbed his thick thighs through the denim. His eyes drifted to the picture above the hearth. He smiled sadly. It was Stephanie smiling as she held the little girl; their little girl. Paul bit down on his lip anxiously. He wondered where she was. He had to admit that part of him had been curious to see her. The other part of him was scared to death.

"It's strong and black right?"

Stephanie's voice startled him. Paul cleared his throat and nodded. "Thanks." he said as she handed him his mug. He took a mouthful of the hot liquid. He noticed Stephanie had placed hers on the small table in front of them. She was still on her feet. The sleeves were pushed up on her red sweater and her hands rested on the hips of her faded denim jeans. He recognised the gold watch on her wrist. It had been an eighteenth birthday present from her parents.

"You know, I was standing there in the kitchen and all I could think was you've got some balls coming here." she scowled.

Her blue eyes flashed at him angrily as she began to pace in front of him. It had been a long time since Paul had experienced the McMahon temper. He had forgotten she could fly off the handle but he had been reminded pretty quickly. Stephanie was definitely pissed at him and he couldn't blame her. He placed down his mug down next to hers.

"It's been well over a month, Paul and this is the first time I've seen you. Hell, I haven't even really spoken to you since you ran out on me that day."

"Is it any wonder I did?" shouted Paul, suddenly feeling defensive. His brown eyes stared back at her. "Jesus Christ, Steph. That was a lot of shit to deal with."

Stephanie stopped pacing and shook her head angrily. "So you had to run away to deal with it? You had to completely ignore my calls?"

Paul shook his head too, his blonde hair shifting across his shoulders. "It wasn't fucking intentional."

"No? Well it sure as hell felt like it to me."

"I just needed space!"

"Space?" she scoffed. "Space to do what?"

"Figure it all out. Shit! I don't know." Paul threw his arms up in frustration. This wasn't getting them anywhere. God knows it wasn't how he wanted to play this. His big hand lifted the glasses from his hair. He threaded them over the neck of his navy shirt and pushed back a lock of hair behind his ear. He saw Stephanie looking at him defiantly. He shifted on the sofa and sighed heavily. His brown eyes watched her carefully. "Look, I was confused, okay. Shocked even! I mean when I turned up on your mom's doorstep that day, I wasn't exactly bargaining on finding out I was a father."

Stephanie looked away guiltily.

"She is mine, isn't she?"

She shook her head as she stared back at him disbelievingly. "Do you really have to ask that question?"

He shrugged. "I guess I just needed to hear it out loud."

"Mya is your daughter, Paul."

He bit down on his lip and simply nodded.

Stephanie sighed and pressed her lips together in a sad smile. She wandered across to the sofa, her anger suddenly dissipating. "It was that time. You know after the funeral." Her voice trailed away awkwardly as she sat down next to him. She glanced down at her hands that rested on her lap.

"I remember." Paul sighed softly.

He hadn't thought about that night in a long time. As he had made love to her, he had lost himself in Stephanie completely. Being with her had temporarily released him from his pain. A pain that had overwhelmed him so much so that it had forced him to say goodbye to her the very next day.

"I wanted to tell you." said Stephanie. She tilted her head up towards him. She saw his beautiful brown eyes watching her, eyes that used to tell her everything about him. How he was feeling, what he was thinking. Now they were unfamiliar to her much like the man sitting next to her.

"How come you didn't?" asked Paul.

"I tried to but you cut me off, remember?" Now it was Paul's turn to look away guiltily. Stephanie sighed. "After a while, I just let things be. I thought that if you didn't want me in your life, well you wouldn't want a baby either."

Paul shook his head as he glanced back up at her. His brown eyes looked painfully sad and it took everything she had to stop herself from reaching out to him. "It wasn't that I didn't want you in my life, Stephanie. I just…. I just couldn't." he sighed heavily as he rubbed at his beard. He picked up his coffee mug from the table. He took a sip as he stared ahead thoughtfully. "Detaching myself off from everyone and everything……well, it was just easier you know. It just felt safer for me to be alone."

"I know and I get that." Stephanie reached over and squeezed his leg letting him know that she understood. "I totally do which is why I probably backed off and let things be. Not to mention the fact I had my own stuff to deal with."

Paul smiled at her softly as he placed his mug back down in the table. His hand covered Stephanie's as it still rested on his leg. "It can't have been easy."

"It wasn't. But Mom and Dad were great and surprisingly supportive. They helped me so much. I couldn't have done it without them."

Paul nodded. His brown eyes remained sad as they searched her face. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"How could you have been? You didn't know you had a daughter, Paul."

"Tell me about her." he said suddenly squeezing her hand.

Stephanie smiled and nodded her head. She couldn't help but feel encouraged. Paul wanted to know about his daughter. Maybe it was a sign he genuinely wanted her in his life. God, she hoped so because Mya needed her father. It was only the other day she had mentioned him. It had been the first time in a long while. They had been at a fundraiser at the school. All the parents and children had been there. It had been towards the end of the night. They had been walking towards the cloak room to get their coats and had passed a father tickling and laughing with his child. Mya's brown eyes had been so sad as she had looked at her mother and asked why her daddy didn't love her like that. Stephanie's heart had broken and she had tried to explain that daddy did love her. He just didn't know about her yet. He was lost and mummy couldn't find him to tell him about her. It had appeased her – but only for now. Stephanie knew it was only the start of her wanting to know about her father. Hopefully that would be much easier now Paul was here but she wasn't going to jump ahead of herself. She needed to take this one step at a time. She didn't want to scare him off. "What do you want to know?" she asked.

"Anything." said Paul softly. "Everything."

"She's got your brown eyes and that grin." she smiled.

"What grin?"

"The grin where her entire face lights up. The one that's just full of mischief. Mom always says it reminds her so much of you."

Paul smiled sadly. "Funny. She reminded me of you when I saw her that day."

Stephanie shifted her body in the seat to face him. The leather creaked as she tucked her leg underneath her. "I'm so sorry you had to find out that way, Paul. I just didn't expect you to arrive until the next day. I was going to tell you then, I promise."

"I would have probably still freaked out." he admitted. He glanced down at their joined hands. For weeks he'd focused on his anger at Stephanie. It had been a convenient excuse. It was only lately he could admit that it was his fear that had made him run that day. "She's a sharp kid." He lifted his head back towards her. Her blue eyes were soft as she smiled at him. "She's got a lot of go in her just like her mother used to have. Does she beat up boys too?"

Stephanie chuckled. "Only the really annoying ones, you know the ones that cry like girls?" she teased.

"Very funny McMahon." he said pretending to scowl as he fondly remembered their first meeting up that tree all those years ago. Who would have thought back then that's they'd be sitting here practically strangers yet still connected by the child they shared together.

"But she's a lot like you, Paul. She loves to draw and paint and stuff. She's actually really good. She's talented like her father."

Paul let go of her hand and suddenly stood up. Stephanie watched him unsure of his reaction. His back was turned to her. She saw him rake his fingers through his hair as he stared straight ahead at the fireplace.

"I should know that she likes to draw. God, I should know everything about her." He turned round towards Stephanie. She could see the determination in his brown eyes. "I want contact Steph. I want to see my daughter."

"Are you sure you can handle it, Paul?" she asked carefully while inside she was elated that he wanted to see Mya. But she had to be sure he was ready for her daughter's sake because if this all went wrong, she'd be the one who was left picking up the pieces.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his nose scrunched obviously annoyed at her question.

Stephanie shrugged. "Being a father means you have responsibilities, Paul. Responsibilities that you can't just run away from."

"I know that."

"Do you? Do you really, Paul?" Her blue eyes searched his face. She sighed and stood up to stand in front of him. "What if this all gets too much for you? What if you get spooked again and run?"

"I won't."

"How can you be sure?"

Paul guided her back to the sofa by the shoulder. The cushions shifted as they sat back down next to one another. He sighed as he reached across and took her hands in his. His brown eyes looked deeply into hers as they pleaded for her to understand. "Look, one of the reasons why it took me this long to get in touch with you was because I had to be sure, Steph. I had to know that I could handle this. My parents' death changed me so much that I hardly recognised myself. I didn't know who I was for the longest time." He paused for a second and smiled at her softly. "Sometimes I still don't but there are times when I feel I can be that person again. The person I was before they passed away. But being a father means changing all over again and for some reason, that scares the crap out of me. I needed to trust that I could live with that fear not to mention the emotional responsibilities of caring for a child. I've felt so empty for so long that I just didn't know if I had anything left to give anyone. I don't want to let her down. I don't want to let you down."

Stephanie smiled and squeezed his hands reassuringly. His fingers felt warm on her skin.

"I want to know my daughter Steph. God knows she's practically the only family I've got left."

Stephanie's blue eyes softened as she nodded her head. Paul needed Mya every bit as much as she needed him. "Okay."

Paul smiled and his face lit up. "You mean that?"

"Yes although we need to talk to Mya together first. Tell her who you are."

Paul nodded his head. His brown eyes were sparkling as he looked at Stephanie. Suddenly they had come alive in front of her. They reminded her so much of the boy she used to know. The boy she had fallen in love with and who still remained firmly in her heart. After all, he was the father of her child despite everything else. Part of her would always love him for that. "When do you want to talk to her?" he asked.

Stephanie licked her lips and frowned. "Well she's at my parents until tomorrow evening. We can do it then or we can wait until next weekend. That way you'll have a chance to spend a bit of time with her."

Paul nodded. "Then next weekend it is." He paused for a second. His brown eyes were grateful. "Thank you, Steph. For everything. This means so much to me. You know, that you would trust me after I let you down so badly…"

Stephanie shook her head silencing him. "You didn't let me down, Paul. And I know you won't let Mya down either, will you?"

Paul shook his head. He could hear the underlying warning to Stephanie's tone. "I promise." he said softly and he meant every word. It had taken a giant leap of faith to get him here. He was going to trust it and trust in himself. Mya was his chance at the family he missed so badly. Letting her down just wasn't an option for him. It couldn't be.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Stephanie's fingers tapped rhythmically against the worn white table cloth as her eyes focused on the double glass panelled doors. A handful of people had passed through them in the last fifteen minutes. She hadn't recognised any of their faces. They looked like they were probably tourists who seemed to descend on the town every single winter although for what reason they did she wasn't quite sure. It was a small place and there was practically nothing to see unless you liked thrift shops and the odd book store. The only form of entertainment was the old movie theatre or the video rental just across the street.

Stephanie turned her head and pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, looked out of the large glass window and at the old two storey building whose chipped blue paint was a stark contrast to the white falling snow. She had spent the better part of one summer there. It had been just before her junior year at high school. Paul had gotten a job in the video store in an attempt to get enough money for his own car. He'd been banned from driving his parents' Ford after taking it without permission and practically destroying an old couple's fence when he had swerved to avoid a dog that had run out in front of him. Or so he had claimed. The truth was the dog had been nowhere near him and Paul had been way too distracted by his date at the time. When he had confessed to her thankfully using the minimum amount of detail, he had sworn her to secrecy but that silence hadn't come without a price. In fact it had been the perfect bargaining chip for her to enjoy free movies and ice cream for most of that summer along with getting the two albums she had desperately wanted for her birthday. Paul never did get the car he wanted though. He was fired after only two months on the job when the owner walked in and caught him sleeping in the back. Two kids had been running down the street with the stolen bags of candy under their arms. It meant they'd spent the last week or so of their vacation lazing around on the beach together.

Stephanie sighed softly as she shifted in her seat, her eyes falling once more on the glass doors. She smiled absently at the young red haired waitress who walked past her table. Of course that summer had been another place, another time. A time when they had made a pact to be best friends for always and their friendship had been an unbreakable bond. Who could have dreamed that just a few years down the line a cruel and heartbreaking accident would change absolutely everything between them? Instead of best friends, they had become strangers to one another. The boy she knew had disappeared and had been replaced with a man she sadly didn't recognise any more. The only common bond they had now was the flesh and blood of the child they shared together, their daughter who so desperately needed to have her father in her life yet at the same time, also needed to be protected from him. It was why she was sitting here. It was why she had asked Paul to come here too and she just prayed that somehow he would understand. He just had to.

Stephanie reached for the menu in a vain attempt to distract herself from her thoughts and the tight little knots of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. Her long manicured fingers tried to casually flick through the pages but it could have been only a matter of seconds before the light chiming of the bell above the door made her heart skip the tiniest beat. She closed over the pages and let out a shaky breath. She didn't have to look up to know that Paul had arrived. She could sense his overwhelming presence and slowly lifting up her eyes, she saw him. He was walking in her direction his head slightly bowed as he shook the wet, melting snow from his leather coat. His blonde strands were damp and fell across his face. He didn't falter in his steps to search for her. He knew exactly were she would be. This was the table they had sat in every Saturday afternoon usually after the school league baseball game was over. In fact the whole team would congregate here celebrating their more often than not victorious win. Paul had been one of their star players too hitting a home run in pretty much every game. She would feel so proud of him despite her constant ribbing and made a point of being there to cheer him on even though she personally loathed the sport and all the bimbo airheads that went along with it. Not that Paul ever minded the attention he personally got from them. He always had been considered one of the catches at high school. God help him if Millie and her friends saw him now. Paul had grown into an extremely handsome man by all accounts.

Just then he lifted his head and spotted her, the corners of his lips turning up gently. Stephanie smiled back nervously pulling on the cuff of her black wool sweater and

hooking her thumb over it to hold it in place as he approached the table.

"Hey."

"Hey." she replied shyly.

Paul's brown eyes briefly gazed around him as he removed his coat and placed it across the back of the seat sitting down directly in front of her. The cuffs of his white shirt were loose as he pushed his hair behind his ears, resting his thick forearms on the table revealing the black leather strap of his watch. She wondered if it was the same one his parents had got him for his high school graduation. Knowing Paul, it probably was. He always was quite sentimental. Or at least the Paul she used to know was anyway.

"So, this place hasn't changed much." he said taking in the familiar green and white décor. The same old picture hung on the wall beside them. It was signed picture of Alice Cooper. The owner was a huge fan and although he bragged to the tourists that the picture was taken when Alice actually visited here, the truth was he'd won it in an auction he had attended when he was visiting his mother in Detroit. Paul wondered what Jimmy would say if he told him that he'd actually seen the man himself when he was waiting to board a plane just last month. That's if Jimmy was still here. It had been over ten years since he had last set foot in this place after all. He didn't recognise the waitress serving at the other table or any of the faces seated there although that was par for the course nowadays. Travelling around for so long meant any familiarity in his life was practically non-existent.

"The menu is more or less the same too, you know." said Stephanie.

"Get out of here." Paul lifted the menu and opened the blue leather cover. He quickly scanned the pages and gave a little snort of amusement. "My God, it is too. They still have the challenge burger I see."

"Not for wimps or the stomach with the delicate disposition." smiled Stephanie quoting the description word for word from the menu. "Of course you ate three one time and puked for the rest of the day."

Paul lifted his head laughing at the memory. "Not my finest moment I have to admit."

"Neither was the time you got kicked out of here for punching Robbie Burton in the face."

His eyes narrowed in Stephanie's direction. "That was just a little smack."

"Paul, you broke his nose."

"Well, he called you a slut. He pretty much asked for it."

"You always did feel the need to defend my honour, didn't you." said Stephanie softly rubbing her palms together and as her fingertips touched the cold metal on her third digit, she reached for the ring absently twisting it.

Paul found himself watching her wondering if she realised the reason why he always jumped so quickly to her defence was because he had wanted to protect her as much as he could. He had cared about her. He had been in love with her. He'd just never found the courage to tell her and instead had let his actions do the talking hoping in time she would see what was standing right there in front of her. Only she never did and his time to be with her had passed him by so he had settled for catching a stolen moment every now and then when he would allow himself to just sit and watch her until her beauty would overwhelm him and her incredible big blue eyes would steal his breath away. He had thought her to be the most beautiful thing he had ever set his eyes on and sitting here now with her chestnut hair falling in soft waves around her face, he realised that she still was and that time had only emphasised that beauty.

"Remember my ninth birthday party? Danny Grayson deliberately pulled the head off my teddy bear and you whacked him in the back of the knees with a baseball bat." she giggled.

Paul shook his head slightly, his lips curved upwards in amusement.

"Then of course there was the time you stuffed Vivien Gray's head down the toilet and smeared my face with ice cream all in the same day."

"For Gods sakes I was six years old. Do we have to recall every single violent act I carried out?" he scowled.

"Oh there's more."

"I'll bet there is." he muttered rolling his eyes.

"Remember our freshman year when you stuffed a frog down Lydia Thompson's chest in biology class? You got detention for like a week."

"Yeah and I got grounded for that one too."

"Which brings me to the time I climbed through your window to discover you watching some porn movie you had borrowed from Brad. I think he'd stolen it from his brother or something. I can't remember exactly. You were a little vague on the details but I can remember your face when I caught you……"

Paul lifted his hand to silence her. "Yeah, well I'd rather you forgot the whole thing if you don't mind."

"Why? I'm not embarrassing you, am I?" she smirked.

Paul laughed sarcastically as he picked up the menu. Stephanie shifted in her seat as a silence descended on the table and the knots crept back into her stomach. Her fingers reached for her ring once more as she watched the waitress serve another table. She sniffed and slowly turned her head round to see Paul leaning back in his chair watching her, his brown eyes permeating through her. She moved around awkwardly on the padded cushion.

"So, as much as I'm enjoying this little trip down memory lane, I'm quite sure it's not the reason why you asked me to come here." he said almost too casually as his fingers flipped through the pages.

"Well, no." she admitted feeling her body immediately tense.

"Then spill it, McMahon. Tell me what's making you so nervous that you've been forced to ramble on about my delinquent years."

"How did you……"

Paul held his hand up to silence her. "Please. A lot of things may have changed in the last ten years but thankfully some have remained exactly the same." He smiled at her fondly, pressing his lips together. "You're fidgeting and you keep twisting that ring on your finger."

Stephanie swallowed hard as Paul placed the menu down a little shocked and surprised how transparent she was, well to him anyway. Then again, she always had been. There was a time when she could say Paul knew her better than she knew herself but that was a long time ago. Too many years had passed although maybe not too many for Paul to completely forget her and that comforted her in some way. "I guess it's difficult to remember just how well you know me." she said.

"Well it has been a while."

"It has." she agreed sadly and exhaling slowly, she realised that Paul was sitting patiently waiting for her to begin. She silently begged herself not to screw this up as she tried to desperately find the right words to make him understand. This wasn't about him. She was doing this for Mya. Her hands fell to her lap as her fingers wrung together and she awkwardly cleared her throat. "Look, I wanted to talk to you alone because….well, see, I've been doing a lot of thinking and….."

"Are you guys ready to order?"

Stephanie didn't know whether to smack or hug the young red haired waitress who was standing by the table holding the notepad in her hand. She glanced across at Paul.

"I'll just have a coffee please."

Stephanie wrinkled her nose in surprise as she asked the girl just to make it two. As she left the table, her blue eyes settled on his face. She could see his fingers reach out to toy with the corner of his napkin. "Aren't you hungry?"

He quickly shook his head, his blonde strands shifting across his shoulders. "Not so much, no."

"Oh."

Paul sighed softly shifting slightly in his chair. The truth was he couldn't eat. His appetite had gone straight out the window the minute he'd set eyes on Stephanie and seen the anxious expression on her face. She couldn't hide anything from him even after all this time. She never ever could. Stephanie's mannerisms made her an open book to him. He just wished he was able to read her mind too and then he would know what the hell he was doing here. She'd asked him to meet her here for a reason and he was beginning to fear the reason wasn't a very good one. He just wished she would hurry up and spit it out. He wasn't stupid. He knew this had to be about their daughter and that scared him probably more than he was willing to admit especially when he was trying so hard to trust in himself that he could be a father to her. "So you were saying?" he prompted breaking the awkward silence.

"Well what I was saying was…….." Stephanie's voice trailed away as the waitress appeared with their coffees once again interrupting them. Paul resisted the urge to snarl angrily at her as he thanked her for his coffee and his hand wrapped around the mug savouring the warmth. His long legs stretched out under the table as he waited impatiently for Stephanie to begin. He watched her rip open a sachet of sugar prolonging his agony. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his as she stirred it in.

"You've probably already guessed what this is about." she sighed.

"Mya?" he offered.

Stephanie slowly nodded her head while inside she was thinking how nice it was to hear Paul say his daughter's name out loud. God knows, it was something she never ever dreamt would happen. For far too long he had been missing from her life unaware that she even existed. And while she tried her best not to feel guilty about that, at times she couldn't help but think of what she could have done differently. How she could have tried that little bit harder to find him even although the sad truth was Paul didn't want to be found. He had walked out of her life needing to be alone, shattering her heart into pieces. And while she completely understood his reasons why, it still hadn't stopped the pain of living without him. A pain she was determined to protect Mya from at all costs especially when she had serious doubts in her mind that Paul was back in their lives for good.

"What about her, Steph?"

Stephanie let out a short breath as her fingers began to lightly trace her large beige mug silently praying that she would get this right. She couldn't screw this up.

"Don't you want me to see her? Is that what this is about?"

She immediately shook her head instinctively reaching for his left hand that rested on the white tablecloth. It felt like a chunk of ice as she squeezed it reassuringly. His deep brown eyes were filled with trepidation making her realise that Paul was every bit as nervous about this as she was. This was obviously important to him. Getting to know his daughter meant something. "Of course I want to you to see her. I would never ever deny you contact with our daughter."

His face was confused as he looked into her eyes. "Then tell me what this is about."

Stephanie released his hand and sitting back in her chair, she picked up her mug of coffee, licking her dry lips. "I just don't think we should tell her who you are."

Paul's mouth parted in stunned surprise.

"At least not straight away." she added quickly placing down her mug and reaching for his hand again, she gripped it tightly. "I think we should hold off until Mya gets to know you. I mean, I've been thinking about it all week and it's a lot to suddenly spring on her after all this time. For nine years, she's never had a father in her life and for you to suddenly show up like this…. well it's going to be confusing for her. It's bound to be. She's just a little girl after all who can't possibly understand the reasons why her daddy hasn't been there."

Paul swallowed thickly as he tilted his head downwards, feeling the stab of guilt in his chest. The guilt he felt every time he remembered that day in the garden. Mya's voice had been so full of sadness as she had told him that she'd never seen her daddy and she didn't know where he was. God knows that hadn't been his fault though. He hadn't even known about her and that absolutely wasn't Stephanie's fault either. The sad truth was they were all victims of circumstance. That didn't mean he didn't blame himself. He did. Constantly.

"Quite honestly, I have to protect her, Paul."

He raised his head to see Stephanie watching him. The expression in her eyes was apologetic.

"I have to make sure you're in this for the long haul."

Paul narrowed his eyes as his head shook in disbelief. His blonde strands shifted across his broad shoulders. "You think I'm going to run again, don't you?" he asked.

"Well can you blame me?"

"No but I thought I explained it to you." Paul sighed heavily as he sat back in his chair letting Stephanie's hand slip from his to the table. He pushed back his hair feeling slightly frustrated. "I thought you understood why I left."

"And I do. I really do." She reached for his hand once more lightly gripping his fingers as her blue eyes beseeched him to understand. "You told me last week being a father scares the hell out of you."

Paul straightened up immediately feeling defensive. "Well yeah, but….."

Stephanie shook her head, silencing him. "Look, I'm not criticising you for that. God, I was scared witless when I found out I was going to be a mother. I had so many doubts in my mind that I could do it and wasn't sure I could be responsible for such a tiny little person and care for her properly. It completely overwhelmed me. In fact it absolutely terrified me. It took me a long time to adjust having a child in my life."

"So what are you trying to say here?"

Stephanie pressed her lips together in a sad smile. "I just need to know I can trust you, Paul. I need to know that if the going gets tough or you start to feel scared, you're not going to just slip out of our lives leaving me to pick up the pieces and explain to Mya why her daddy left her again. Can you honestly sit there and promise me that won't happen?"

Paul looked at the young woman in front of him, the mother of his child. A child she'd had to raise all alone and so desperately wanted to protect. God knows he admired and respected her for that. It's why Stephanie deserved for him to be completely honest with her. The truth was the thought of being a father scared him to death. He couldn't be sure he could trust in himself to be everything his daughter needed him to be. He didn't know what he had left to give her and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her or cause her any pain. He just knew that for now, he wanted to be a part of her life no matter what. The rest he would just have to somehow figure out. Sighing softly, his right hand reached over curling around hers.

"I want to. I really do."

"And I understand that you can't, Paul. Not just yet. Learning you are a father, well it's a lot to take in. I mean, it's going to take some time to get used to."

"I know." he agreed.

"And that's why I think you should get to know Mya first without the pressures of actually being a father to her." stressed Stephanie. "Then, in time, when you feel ready, we'll tell her the truth."

Paul looked at her for a moment for before slowly nodding his head.

"So we're agreed?" she asked tentatively.

The left side of his mouth curled upwards into a hint of a smile. "Yeah, we're agreed."

Stephanie let out a slow sigh of relief as she felt herself relax for the first time in days. It was such a weight off her shoulders. She had been so worried about today. It had gone so much better than she could have ever hoped for. Paul understood and that meant so much to her.

"So how are we going to play this then? I can't exactly just turn up on your doorstep and start spending time with her. We'll have to explain who I am."

Stephanie smiled at him warmly as sat back in her chair and wrapped her hands around her coffee mug. "We tell Mya the truth. You're my best friend who has just been away for a while."

Paul's facial expression softened as he smiled at her yet he couldn't help but feel a pang of regret. Stephanie had been such a huge part of his life for so long. It was hard to believe how much they had drifted apart. Once upon a time she had trusted him implicitly. Now that trust was cast into doubt and he couldn't blame her. How could he when he could hardly trust himself? But she had shown him her faith in him by letting him be a part of their daughter's life. He was determined to repay that faith by not letting her down or Mya. It just wasn't an option to him. Not any more.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"_I dare you."  
_

_Paul glanced over at the grey haired librarian. Her large tortoise shell glasses were perched at the end of her nose while her talon like fingers searched through the box of library cards in front of her. The local kids called her Witchety Wanda and it was little wonder that they did. She resembled a witch with her huge pointed nose and the wart horribly positioned just to the side of her right nostril. Large thick hairs sprung from it and she also had a strong dislike for children especially the ones that came into her library misplacing her books and sticking chewing gum to the tables. He wondered what spell she would cast on him if she ever found out he was about to steal one of her precious books.  
_

"_If you don't, you're nothing but a big fat chicken!" Stephanie whispered into his ear.  
_

_Paul turned his head to glare at his ten year old friend, his nose wrinkled in a scowl as he watched reach her behind her head and tighten her messy ponytail. "Shut up. I said I would, okay?"  
_

"_Then just hurry up and do it!" she told him.  
_

_Before Paul could even protest, she had shoved him into the main library area. He heard her stifled giggling behind him as his feet shuffled along the old worn patterned carpet. His brown eyes searched around him as he walked to his destination making sure no one was watching him especially Witchety Wanda. Fortunately an elderly woman had her distracted with a pile of books needing stamped. He rubbed his clammy palms on his faded denim jeans and slowly slid between the slim gap in the wooden shelves. The book he was looking for was on the third shelf up on the right. Checking once more around him, Paul stood on his tip toes and grabbed for the purple coloured spine. His heart was pounding madly as his fingers pulled the book from its resting place and he stuffed it underneath his new black and white baseball jacket that had been a birthday present from his parents. He quickly turned and walked towards the bottom of the library near the exit where Stephanie was waiting for him all the while expecting to hear the horrible scratchy voice of the librarian who had somehow figured out what he was up to. The blood beat in his ears as he quickly signalled for Stephanie to follow him. As soon as he got outside into the surprisingly warm autumn sunshine, Paul sprinted down the steps, the soles of his worn sneakers scuffing against the concrete.  
_

"_Wait for me, Paul." called Stephanie.  
_

_He got to the bottom step and watched her skip down towards him. Her wisps of hair blew in the gentle breeze.  
_

"_Did you get it?" she huffed.  
_

"_Of course I did." he replied cockily puffing his chest out almost proudly.  
_

"_Show me then."  
_

"_What? Are you an idiot?" he scolded as he wrapped his arm around his jacket protecting the book and began to walk swiftly down the street. "I'll show you once we get back to your place."  
_

"_My place?"  
_

"_Uh huh."  
_

_Stephanie quickly shook her head, her ponytail swishing behind her as she jogged beside him in an attempt to keep up with his long legged strides. "We're not taking that back to my place."  
_

_Paul stopped in his tracks and glowered at her. "Well I can't take it back to mine. Mom's home already."  
_

_Stephanie chewed on her bottom lip as she thought for a moment. Her blue eyes were wide and as crystal clear as a lake when a smile finally tugged at the corner of her mouth. "We could always take it to the old boathouse down by river."  
_

_Paul grinned and slapped her across the back of the shoulders. "Good idea McMahon." He moved to walk and then stopped as he turned to smirk at her, his brown eyes twinkling at her. "Not bad for a girl."  
_

_Stephanie snorted in disgust as her hand shot out at him. Their laughter carried down the street as they began to run. It wasn't until they were inside the old wooden shed that they stopped to catch their breath. The smell inside was damp and musty. The place was mostly disused and the walls and floor were coloured green with moss. The bench inside was tatty and cracked but sturdy enough to hold their weight as they sat down and Paul pulled out the book resting it between their two laps. They stared at the artistically printed title "The Joy of Sex" for a brief moment before Paul's fingers slowly opened the purple cover. They were both silent for a couple of moments as they flicked through the pages looking at the images sometimes tilting the book or their heads depending on the drawings. Their eyes were wide as they took in the entwined bodies. As Paul turned the page once more Stephanie gasped out loud.  
_

"_Eww!" she cried. "That's just gross."  
_

_Paul chuckled at the picture of the woman taking the man into her mouth.  
_

"_What the hell is so joyful about that?" she asked.  
_

_He shrugged as he studied it for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe it's different when you're older. Maybe you want to do that to someone."  
_

"_Well I sure won't. It's disgusting."  
_

_Paul's shoulders shook with his laughter as he flipped over the page. "Wow. Can a woman really bend like that?"  
_

_Stephanie shrugged her shoulders as her fingers turned the page this time.  
A devilish smirk crossed Paul's face as he shifted on the bench towards her, the book slipping to the left as he pointed at the woman on top of the man. "I bet your Mom does that to your Dad all the time."  
_

_Stephanie screwed up her face in disgust as her hand reached out to smack his arm. "You're a jerk, Paul. They do not!"  
_

"_Well how else do you think you got here?"  
_

_Stephanie turned away visibly wincing as she stared down at the picture once more.  
_

"_Brad told me his parents do IT all the time. He hears strange moaning noises in their bedroom every Saturday night."  
_

"_What so like you have a set time for this kind of stuff?" asked Stephanie as her fingertip lightly traced the leg of the man lying on his back.  
_

"_I guess so." shrugged Paul.  
_

"_You probably have to love them too. You know, to want to do this." she surmised.  
_

"_Maybe."  
_

"_And this is what you really have to do to have a baby?"  
_

"_Yep."  
_

"_Wow."  
_

"_But I'm never having a baby." stated Paul matter of factly.  
_

"_Why?" asked Stephanie quickly lifting her head to stare at her friend who was pushing a stray lock of hair from his eye.  
_

"_Because all babies do is puke and cry all the time."  
_

_Stephanie sniffed and stuck out her chin. "Well I want one and it will be a little girl and she won't puke or cry at all. In fact, Mya will be a little angel."  
_

_Paul snorted and shook his head. "Mya? What kind of stupid name is Mya?"  
_

"_Mya's not a stupid name. I like it and I'm calling my baby that so there!"  
_

_She stuck her tongue out at him causing him to roll his eyes as his attention turned to the pages in front of him once again. _

Paul's lips curved up gently at the memory as he shifted his hands on the steering wheel and turned his head slightly allowing his brown eyes to glance in the direction of the passenger seat. Stephanie was sitting looking out the window, her forearm resting against the cool, clear glass with her long chestnut strands tucked behind her ear. She was biting down on the inside of her lip and for that brief moment she was the same girl he had known and grown up with. The girl who used to always chew on her bottom lip when she was deep in thought. The girl who used to wear overalls and messy pigtails he liked to tug and had legs permanently covered in cuts and bruises from climbing trees or falling off her bike. The girl he used to tease constantly and throw into the river at least once very summer. The girl he could talk to about anything and everything and share all his secrets with. She was also the girl who, even at ten years old, had her life and her future determined, the same pretty little girl who had grown into the beautiful woman sitting next to him. The beautiful woman who for thirteen years had been his best friend but was now practically a stranger to him, well as far as her life was concerned. He no longer knew Stephanie's hopes or dreams or even the little things like her favourite song or movie. The things that he had known without question ten years ago. Of course that was before he had walked away from her and cut her out of his life.

Paul sighed softly as he turned his attention back on the road raking his fingers through his hair before resting them once more on the soft leather. So much time had passed between him and Stephanie that he knew things could never get back to where they were and quite honestly, he would be naive to think they could. Too much had happened and so much had changed since then including himself. He was no longer that safe and secure little boy who had a family and a place he belonged. He was alone and the past had left him empty and broken. The pain had changed him forever yet not enough that he had lost all hope of finding that place where perhaps he could belong again. The hope that helped him find the courage to come home after all those years only to discover his memories weren't so painful after all, memories that Stephanie had been a part of in some shape or form. Their friendship had been such a major part of his life but at times it felt impossible that they could ever get it back again. They had drifted so far apart. Then there would be a single moment where he would recognise a smile or a familiar look in her eye and the time between them simply washed away and they were Paul and Stephanie again. The friends who had promised they would be together forever. The friends who stole that library book hiding it safely under his mattress only for his mother to discover a couple of days later. The same friends who used a camping knife to draw one another's blood and had wrapped those bloody fingers together making their bond even stronger. The same blood that now ran through their daughter's veins. The daughter that bonded them now in a way neither of them had ever expected sitting in that musky boat house all those years ago.

"Paul, I'm struggling to see the road here."

The concerned tone in Stephanie's voice interrupted his thoughts and Paul pressed his lips together in a small apologetic smile as he clicked on the wiper blades removing the large wet flakes that practically covered the windshield. He hadn't even been aware that the snow was falling once more from the strangely lit sky. "Sorry, I guess I was miles away." he explained.

"Want to share what was on your mind?"

Paul glanced across to see Stephanie had shifted in the seat with her body turned to him. The side of her head rested against the black leather and her fingers were always were they used to be, tucked between her denim clad thighs and it brought that moment of warm familiarity. The left hand side of his mouth turned upwards as he looked back to the road once more. "Remember the old boathouse down by the river?"

"Oh my God! Yes!" exclaimed Stephanie instantly springing to life as she lifted her head and pushed herself up the seat. Her face was animated as her left hand moved from her thigh to her hair tucking the strands behind her ear. "We used to hide out there when we were kids. Wasn't there where we took that bottle of whisky we stole from Daddy's drinks cabinet?"

"Hey, I didn't steal it. You did."

"Only because you dared me to." she reminded him, smiling. "I was sick as a dog the next day. In fact I remember waking up and not able to even move my head off the pillow."

"That's because you'd drank half the damn bottle. God knows how I got you up to your room that night."

Stephanie's nose wrinkled thoughtfully. "But weren't my parents at some function or something? I'm pretty sure they weren't home."

"You know, I think you could be right." replied Paul as he slowed down and the repetitive sound of the wipers filled the silence as he guided the car carefully around a corner in the road, the tyres cutting through the heavy slush.

"Nice to see your driving skills have improved."

Paul straightened the car up wrinkling his brow as he scowled. "What do you mean?"

Stephanie began to laugh as she heard his defensive tone. "Well, you used to drive so fast all the time. I used to live in fear of my life."

"I'll have you know that I was in control at all times."

"Including that time you were on a date and crashed through the neighbour's fence?"

Paul shook his head in disbelief and looked in her direction to see her smirking with amusement. "What is it with you today? I think you've brought up every single delinquent act I ever carried out growing up."

"Not every one." she quipped.

"Yeah well maybe you should save the rest for another time."

Stephanie's smile quickly faded as she settled back in the seat, her fingers wrapping around her hand and searching for the comfort of the platinum on her third digit. "I guess I just thought that remembering the past would help ease the tension between us, that's all."

Paul glanced across at her sighing heavily and instinctively reached out to cover her hand stalling her nervous movement. "I know." He offered her a contrite smile before quickly removing his hand to rest it on his thigh as he turned his attention back to the road.

"I mean there are so many things I want to find out about you but I have to keep holding myself back like I'd be intruding on your life by asking those questions." Stephanie rested her head against the leather seat and sighed sadly. "I just know that being around you, everything comes rushing back and I have trouble remembering that we're not those people any more."

Paul swallowed thickly as a melancholy smile lightly traced his lips. "Funny, I was just thinking the same thing."

Stephanie's blue eyes watched him carefully as she slowly slid her palms together. Paul's fingers on his right hand were tapping against his thigh. His actions only proved what she'd already known. Paul was every bit as nervous as she was and probably more so. Not only would he be meeting his daughter for the first time but he would be thrown into an environment that he hadn't been in for years. Stephanie glanced at the quiet street and the red brick, two storey house that loomed straight ahead. The house she still considered home despite moving out when Mya was two years old. It had been Paul's home too for the better part of thirteen years. In fact he always used to joke that it was his home from home and every morning before they went to school, she would come downstairs from her bedroom to find him sitting at the breakfast table eating a plateful of homemade blueberry pancakes while he discussed baseball with Shane or school with her parents. It also wasn't unusual to see items on the shopping list pinned to the refrigerator that were for Paul and Paul alone like the pomegranates he liked or the milk fondly called "Paul milk" because no one else liked the chocolate flavoured variety. He had been considered an extended part of their family so much so that she hadn't been the only one devastated when he had sold the house and left town. Every single one of them had missed him desperately, especially her mother. She had cried almost as hard as her daughter the day they realised he was gone. Then just a month later they found out she was carrying his child.

Stephanie rolled her lips together smudging her lip gloss as her eyes fell on Paul once more. Even though time had changed him in a lot of ways, there were still traces of the boy he used to be. There were the amazing brown eyes that conveyed every emotion and the soft blonde strands that she loved to touch. Then there was that smile that sparkled with mischief or humour depending on his mood, the same smile that he had passed on to his daughter. God, Mya was so like Paul in so many ways. Was it any wonder she had never forgotten him and remembered him with nothing but affection and love? He was the father of her child after all and he would always have a special place in her heart because of that.

Just then Paul shifted in his seat, his cheeks puffing out with his long drawn out breath as he pulled into the drive staring ominously at the house in front of him. Stephanie's heart immediately went out to him and returned the offer of comfort he had shown her a moment ago by covering his hand with hers. His fingers felt cold as they rested on the faded denim and she squeezed them gently.

"It's going to be okay, you know." she reassured him softly.

He nodded briefly pressing his lips together as he stopped the car and turning the key in the ignition, he cut the engine. He licked his lips as his brown eyes stayed focused straight ahead. "Does she know I'm coming?"

He turned to see Stephanie nodding confirmation as she smiled gently.  
"I called Mom from the restaurant and asked her to tell Mya that I'm bringing home an old friend."

"Your Mom, huh?"

Stephanie's smile widened. "She's pretty excited to see you. In fact, she'll probably grab you the minute you walk through that door."

Paul gave a nervous laugh as his left hand lifted to push his hair back from his forehead. The strands fell messily around his face as he rubbed his palm over his thigh. "Then I guess we should go inside before she comes out here and makes a show in front of the neighbours."

"You know her too well." chuckled Stephanie but her expression turned serious as she squeezed his hand once more. "It will be fine, Paul. I promise."

Paul let out a shaky breath as his brown eyes met her blue ones. He could always count on Stephanie keeping a promise. She'd never broken one yet, well not one that she had made to him anyway. He just hoped he could count on her not breaking this one because it was way too important to him, probably more important than he had realised until he was sitting here outside the house knowing his daughter was somewhere inside. The enormity of it all floored him but he wasn't going to back out now if not for himself then for Stephanie and his little girl. He owed it to them.

"Come on before we get snowed in."

Stephanie got out of the car and snowflakes kissed her face as she waited for Paul whose footsteps were slow and deliberate as he walked towards the path. She sensed his trepidation and quickly reached for his hand gripping it firmly showing her support. She led him into the house and it was only a matter of seconds before her mother appeared at the bottom of the staircase.

Stephanie saw the unshed tears as she rushed towards Paul crushing him with her embrace. Her eyes burned with her own emotion as she watched him hesitate for a second before sliding his arms around the woman who he had once considered a second mother. His head bowed with his blonde strands covering his face. It wasn't until she felt the tug on her black coat that she realised Mya was standing next to her, her big brown eyes filled with confusion.

"Why is Grandma crying, Mommy?"

Stephanie crouched down in front of her blinking back her own tears as she brushed back the loose brown strands from her daughter's face and tugged down the hem of her favourite pink sweater. "Because it's been a long time since Grandma has seen Paul, that's all."

"Paul?"

Stephanie nodded and smiled. "Remember the friend I told you all about?"

Mya's brown eyes lit up. "You mean the one who smeared your face with ice cream at your birthday party?"

Stephanie lightly chuckled. "That's him. Want to meet him?"

"Okay."

Stephanie stood up and taking hold of her daughter's hand, felt a rush of warmth at the tender picture in front of her. Linda had her hand cupped around Paul's cheek as she stood on her tiptoes pressing a kiss to his forehead. She waited for a moment before her heels clicked against the polished wood as she slowly approached them not wanting to interrupt their moment too soon.

"God, it's so good to see you, Paul." beamed Linda as she wiped at the tears that had fallen down her cheek and stared fondly at the man standing in front of her. "You've gotten so big." she joked as she smoothed down the lapel of his leather coat and began to laugh.

"Hey. You're that guy from the garden that day."

Paul turned in the direction of the voice to see the young girl standing with Stephanie. He pressed his lips together as the familiar big brown eyes stared back at him reminding him she was a part of him. His feet shifted on the floor not quite sure what to do or say or know what he was feeling. Emotions were rushing at him so fast that he was struggling to catch his breath.

"Cat got your tongue?"

Her words caused his lips to curve up affectionately.

"How about you introduce yourself properly?" suggested Stephanie to her daughter.

Mya nodded as she walked towards Paul completely oblivious to the tears Stephanie was fighting to hold back as she stood in the background watching her daughter interact with her father for the first time.

"Hi." smiled Mya, holding out her small hand in Paul's direction. "I'm Mya and I'm nine years old going on ten."

Paul swallowed thickly and hesitated for a fraction of a second before he rubbed his sweaty palm on his jeans and crouched down in front of her. Their eyes were level with one another and the smile that adorned his face mirrored the smile the little girl wore as he took the hand in front of him curling his fingers around it gently.  
"Then I'm very pleased to meet you Mya, nine years old going on ten."

Mya giggled as he shook her arm up and down. "That's not my name, silly. It's just Mya."

Paul's brown eyes sparkled with emotion as he tried to absorb every feature like her perfect nose, her perfect chin and the way her nose wrinkled with her laughter.

"You know you're supposed to tell me your name now."

He lightly cleared his throat and grinned. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm Paul."

"Pleased to meet you Paul." she said quite seriously and her brow was a furrow of concentration as she pumped his arm up and down. "Boy, your arm is heavy." she sighed.

Paul's shoulders shook with his laughter as he slowly brought his fingers away and rose to his feet but that laughter faded and his expression softened when he saw the unshed tears glistening in Stephanie's wide blue eyes. He knew they were tears of happiness, happiness that Mya was finally getting the chance to get to know her father. God, he was so grateful to Stephanie because without her persistence and her reluctance to give up on him, there might not have been that chance. He would never be able to thank her enough but he was going to at least try by doing everything in his power not to screw this up. He wasn't going to let his fear get the better of him. He was determined to do his best and try and figure out a way to be the father his daughter deserved.

As his eyes met Stephanie's across the hallway, a silent understanding passed between them, an understanding that any feelings of guilt and blame for the last nine years were forgiven. Dwelling on what had happened wasn't going to change anything and besides, it didn't seem to matter anymore. The past was in the past. They had to concentrate on the future and their little girl. Mya was all that really mattered anyway. The rest just wasn't important.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16

"_So where to next?" asked Stephanie._

_Paul's brown eyes twinkled mischievously as they glanced over in the direction of the large Ferris wheel where the swaying carriage from the tip of the huge circular frame was a dark shadow against the white light of the full moon. The left corner of his mouth slowly curved upwards smirking devilishly at her._

_Stephanie quickly realised his intention and shook her head at him, the loose brown strands swishing over her shoulders and her blue eyes wide with alarm as she took a handful of small steps back from him. _

"_No, Paul."_

_But her reply fell on deaf ears as Paul's smirk spread further across his face and he grabbed hold of her hand tugging her towards the queue of teenagers, adults and young children that stretched past the stall that offered candy floss and large round red lollipops on long wooden sticks. He could also smell the hot dogs and greasy French fries that always tasted delicious outside. Maybe they would grab some after the ride was over, well if Stephanie wasn't puking her guts up that was. He knew that his best friend had a thing about heights which was weird when you considered the amount of times in his life he'd followed on behind her as she clambered up to the top branches of a tree, the straps of her denim overalls slipping from her shoulders, the knees grubby and green from scraping against the moss and bark._

"_I swear to God Paul, I'm going to kill you if you don't let go of me."_

_Ignoring her threat as she squirmed against him, he still gripped her hand firmly as they waited in line at the ticket booth._

"_Paul, are you listening to me?"_

_He turned his head in her direction ignoring the reflection of the coloured lights and the promise held in her eyes of a slow and extremely painful death. "Yes I am. I also listened to you when you dragged me on that stupid carousel and promised me that I could pick the next ride. You told me in your own words that we would go on any ride I wanted, remember?"_

"_Well yeah but I didn't know that you would pick this one." Stephanie pouted._

"_Aw!" Paul replied ruffling her hair and laughing as she scowled at him, batting his hand away. "Is little Stephanie afraid of the big bad wheel?"_

"_You do know I hate you right now."_

_His mouth parted dramatically as he placed his hand over his chest and his shoulders shook with his low chuckle as their feet shuffled on the grass slowly moving up the queue._

"_Please!" she begged him. "Can't we go on something else?"_

"_Nope. Sorry."_

"_But I can't go on this and you know I can't." she pleaded with him. _

"_Oh yes you can my little engine." he told her patting the top of her head and putting a scowl on her face. Paul licked his lips and grinned knowing the next three words out of his mouth would get him what he wanted. "I dare you."_

_He watched Stephanie's expression falter for a brief moment as she looked up at the large wheel towering in front of them. He swore he could see the lump in her throat bob up and down as she swallowed back her fear and after a fleeting second of feeling just the tiniest bit guilty, he couldn't resist the urge to taunt her that little bit further. After all, he knew for a fact that Stephanie would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot. _

"_What's the matter McMahon? Are you chicken?" he asked nudging her shoulder. _

_Her big blue pools glared back at him defiantly as she sniffed yanking her hand violently from his. "No. Of course I'm not."_

_She stared straight ahead crossing her arms over her chest as they continued to wait in line, their feet shuffling forward occasionally as they moved up the queue breathing in the alluring smell of the candy floss and hot dogs._

"_Shit!" Paul suddenly exclaimed out of nowhere._

"_What?" Stephanie asked, her arms falling to her sides in alarm._

_He pointed over in the direction of the middle aged man standing by the barrier fence, his face blotchy and red and his large bloated stomach drooping heavily over the waistband of his jeans. "That guy looks like he's participated in a little too much Miller time. I hope he didn't assemble this ride." Paul shook his head as his big hand lightly scratched at his cheek before resting on Stephanie's shoulder. "I mean God knows how many nuts and bolts are holding the whole thing together. Could you imagine if an idiot like him totally drunk off of his face accidentally misplaced one of them or something? Man, now that would be sick."_

"_You know you're so not helping here."_

_He pressed his lips together and smiled as he patted her arm gently. "Don't worry, Steph. Nobody lives forever."_

"_Just go to hell." she retorted, her lips twitching with her amusement as Paul laughed and handed over the four dollars to the bald headed man in the ticket booth. _

_His deep laughter continued and followed them onto the carriage where the attendant lowered the metal bar fastening them in tightly. The wheel periodically jerked into motion lifting them higher up off the ground each time as their fellow passengers joined them on the wheel. They were almost at the top practically level with the tips of the trees when Paul turned in his seat to check on Stephanie. Despite his teasing, he was worried about her but he needn't have been. She was grinning back at him and her big blue eyes were sparkling as brightly as the scattered stars in the sky behind them. Her hair was tousled with the balmy evening wind and her cheeks flushed with colour as her hands gripped hold of the bar across her waist. It was in that moment that Paul experienced a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. It was like nothing he had felt before in his life and the only way he could explain it was like tiny bubbles were floating around inside there. It was definitely weird and he didn't have a clue what had caused it. He also didn't know why his throat suddenly felt terribly dry either. _

_Just then the wheel jerked forward once more and Paul's arm brushed against Stephanie's chest. Her breast. Christ. Suddenly he felt terribly aware of how close she was and how amazing she smelled. The mixture of peaches and vanilla floated around in the breeze. _

_Turning away, Paul shifted uncomfortably in the seat trying everything in his power to ignore the tell-tale tightening in his jeans. He began to tell himself that this was just ridiculous. This was Stephanie. The same Stephanie who had played Tetris in his bedroom then bounced up and down on his bed relentlessly needling him when she had defeated him. The same Stephanie who had helped him dissect a dead frog down by the river before screaming loudly after he had thrown it and her back into the water. How could his best friend, a girl who he had scraped knees with and shared silly secrets with, suddenly be someone he didn't recognise at all? _

_As the Ferris wheel began to slowly turn in the night sky, Stephanie's hair blew in the wind tickling his face and Paul inhaled the familiar apple scent wondering if he could find a way to brush against her again. God knows all he wanted to do right now was touch her. Paul swallowed thickly as his pulse began to race. There was obviously something wrong with him. There had to be for thinking like this and feeling this way. Maybe it was this damn wheel. Maybe being elevated fifty feet in the air was causing some strange chemical reaction in his brain and his pants too. Yes. That had to be it. _

_As the seat gently rocked and Stephanie's thigh lightly bumped against his, Paul glanced over at her curling his fingers tightly into his palms determined that they wouldn't betray him and trace the soft skin temptingly revealed by the bunched up hem of her denim skirt. God, he suddenly wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her. Fuck. What the hell was the matter with him? _

"_Paul, isn't this amazing? You can see everything from up here." she said._

_Paul didn't give a damn about the scenery as his brown eyes remained fixated on the girl beside him. He took in everything from the amazing length of her eyelashes to her feminine curves concealed under the black v-necked sweater she wore. He struggled to breathe normally as he felt overwhelmed by her beauty and rubbing his sweaty palms on the denim material of his jeans, Paul realised exactly what was wrong with him. It wasn't the wheel. It wasn't the balmy air messing with his head either. Somehow, somewhere along the line he had started to fall for his best friend………_

"Paul?"

And just like that the past slipped away at the simple sound of her voice. The life-like images in his mind faded and dissolved into his own reflection. The bright constellations of stars that had twinkled in the black night sky around them were now snowflakes that burst from the orange hue above to fall and settle on the ground in a thick white blanket. Paul watched a big flake melt and trickle against a pane of glass before his thick fingers loosened and slid down the heavy material of the curtain as he turned from the tall sash window. Stephanie was standing in the middle of the ornate sitting room watching him with those big blue eyes of hers. Those same big blue eyes that had sparkled at him so beautifully that night they had worked their way into his heart; a heart that from that moment had belonged solely to her. He hadn't allowed himself to remember those memories and those feelings in the longest time. He had taken them and carefully locked them away years ago. He'd had to. It had been too painful to remember Stephanie and not only her but also the boy he used to be. The boy who had woken up one day and saw this girl; the girl who he'd always known would never ever see him back.

"Mom's just making some coffee." she said.

Paul nodded and smiled as he tucked his blonde strands behind his right ear. His brown eyes caught the photograph on the shelved unit behind her where the soft glow of the lamp glinted against the gold frame demanding his attention. It was picture of the both of them, him and Stephanie. He was carrying her around in a piggyback in her parents' back garden and her head was thrown back in laughter. They had been fourteen or thereabouts when it was taken. He could remember it had been the summer just before they had moved to high school. It had been hot and sticky that afternoon and he had been struggling to catch his breath as he had run around and Stephanie's arms had clutched tightly around his neck nearly choking him as she had tried her best to hold on. He could picture her now rolling on the grass laughing at him as he thrown her to the ground gasping for air. It was yet another memory he had tucked away in his mind like a precious photograph lying forgotten in an old photograph album, pictures of a time in his life when he had been young and carefree and happy. And now here he was. Back in a house he once considered a home and the pages to that photograph album had suddenly flicked open and memories were jumping out at him left right and centre forcing him to remember the past, making him feel like he had never really left here at all. It was like the last ten years had simply washed away for him but of course that wasn't the case. The emptiness he still carried around inside him was a constant reminder of that truth.

"So, was dinner okay?" asked Stephanie as she took a step towards him, her fingers lifting to tuck her brown strands behind her ear. "I hope you didn't mind staying so long. You know how Mom is about that stuff."

Paul's face instantly softened with his fond smile. "Yeah, I remember."

"She doesn't like anyone leaving the house on an empty stomach."

"Hey, I'm not complaining. It's the first home cooked meal I've had in a long time." He lifted his shoulder in a light shrug as his feet shifted below him on the plush carpet. "Travelling around as much as I do, you get used to eating out. Either that or calling room service." he explained.

"But you're happy right? You like California?"

Paul licked his lips and tried his best to summon up a grin. "Who wouldn't like a place where there are beaches for miles on end and the sun is constantly shining?"

"Well you were the only person I ever knew who loved the rain and the snow." she reminded him.

This time his smile was completely sincere. "And you know what? You're probably the only person that would ever remember that about me."

His deep voice was soft and Stephanie lightly shivered as their eyes connected and she took in the man standing in front of her. A man who had once been her best friend and who for the longest time had known every single little thing about her. Now everything had changed between them despite there being nothing on the outside reminding her of how cruelly Paul's life had been altered. Physically, he was still so familiar to her. It made it all the more difficult to accept that nothing was the same any more. After all there was nothing separating him from that boy she used to know; the same boy she had fallen in love with albeit far too late for any chance of them. And right now, she realised there was nothing stopping her from seeing him that way either or feeling those emotions she had thought she had managed to bury deep inside of her. Not when those warm brown eyes still looked at her that same way enchanting her and that smile was still enough to make her ache for him.

The aching was something else that was familiar to her too. In fact it was sort of always there like the whisper in the wind or the moonlight shining down from the night sky. It was a part of her everyday existence which meant that there were those times when it would simply blend into the background and she would carry on with her life blissfully unaware of its presence. Then there were those other times; those moments when it would suddenly sneak up on her stealing her breath away. Usually it would be a familiar expression on her daughter's face or a memory triggered by a thought or a line of a favourite song. Something simple that reminded her of her love for this man. It was a love that she knew was timeless and a love that would always remain her guilty secret.

"So, I'm glad we've got a moment alone. There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Stephanie raised her brow intrigued as she watched Paul reach into his back pocket and pull out a piece of paper. His brown eyes watched her carefully as he held it out to her.

"Here. I want you to have this."

Stephanie gripped it between her fingertips. "What is it?" she asked him.

He let out an almost nervous chuckle as he raked his long fingers through his blonde strands. "Well the trick is to open it so you can find out."

"Smartass!" she smiled but her smile quickly faded as she opened the paper to see a cheque with Paul's illegible signature on the bottom right corner. Her mouth parted as her blue eyes hurriedly scanned over it and she swallowed thickly as she took in the large sum of money. Her brown strands moved across her shoulders as she shook her head in stunned disbelief. "Paul, I….."

His big hand lightly gripped her arm. She could feel the heat from his fingertips through the wool of her sweater and her words froze in mid-air as she lifted her eyes to see the firm expression on his beautiful face.

"I want you to have this, Steph. I want to help support our daughter in every way and I know I'm like nine years too late but I'm not going to shirk my responsibilities, not any more."

Stephanie was touched by his generosity but in her mind, it was far too much. Besides, her daughter's needs were emotional not financial. Her manicured fingers began to fold the cheque over. "This is a lot of money, Paul. I just can't accept it." she told him.

"You can and you will."

His hand closed over hers pressing it into her palm. As she looked at him, she saw his brown eyes held that steely determination. It was a determination she remembered all too well. When Paul had his mind made up, there was no way of changing it. She'd learned that through her own experiences like the night he had come to say goodbye to her. She had looked into his eyes and knew she had no option but to let him go despite her heart breaking in two at the thought of losing him and right now, she knew she was going to have no option but to accept his gift. Stephanie licked her lips and sighed softly.

"But how did you get this?"

She swore she saw him visibly tense at her question and she immediately regretted voicing out loud her own curiosity as his hand fell from hers and dropped to his side causing her skin to feel cold at the loss of his touch. Her blue eyes mirrored her spoken apology.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I don't mean to pry. It's just….." She paused as she glanced once more at the cheque in her hand, her mind working overtime as to how he acquired such a large sum. His financial status was one of the many things she was foreign to and made her realise how very little she knew about his current life. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, so many things she wanted to know. But all those questions could wait. She was just happy with the fact that Paul was here and back in her life and more importantly her daughter's life. Lifting her eyes, her mouth curved up gratefully. "It's just a lot of money, that's all."

"You said that already." he said, his facial expression softening as he watched her and Stephanie's smile widened as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug.

"If you must know it was the compensation money I got after Mom and Dad's accident."

Her breath hitched in her throat as his shoulders rose and fell with his sigh before he stepped back and sat down on the arm of the leather recliner chair. His finger lifted to scratch at his cheek before falling to his lap.

"I put it away not sure what do with it. I wasn't even sure if I wanted it. I mean how can you put a value on the family that has been horribly snatched away from you?"

His brown eyes briefly flickered with his emotion. Stephanie remained silent not sure how to answer that question, not sure if Paul was even looking for an answer.

"Anyway, I kept the money after my grandparents persuaded me to hold onto it. Not that I never used it for anything. It's just sat in an account all this time. It just never felt right, you know?"

Stephanie smiled softly nodding her head, understanding what he meant.

"And then last weekend driving home after seeing you, I remembered about it and knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. It should be for her, Steph. It should be for Mya whether it's now or ten years down the line when she wants to go to college and do something great with her life. I just really want something good to come out of it all and I reckon Mom and Dad would want the same." A slow sad smile crept across his face as his hands rubbed over his thighs. "They'd be so proud of her, Steph and I know they'd be so proud of you too."

Stephanie bit down on the corner of her lip as she felt her eyes sting with her hot tears but those tears were quickly blinked back as she heard the little voice behind them.

"Mommy, can I watch some television?"

She sniffed and stuffing the cheque in her jeans pocket, she turned round to see her daughter hovering in the doorway in her pyjamas, her brown eyes wide and hopeful despite the late hour. She shook her head. "You know fine well that it's bed time, young lady."

A scowl quickly crossed her pretty face. "But I'm not sleepy."

"That's not the point. It's nine o'clock. You know the rules."

"Rules suck."

Stephanie heard the amused snort behind her. As she turned to glare at Paul, there was a conspiratorial giggle and her lips curved up gently as he flipped their daughter a wink. She had been pleasantly surprised at how at ease Paul seemed around Mya in spite of his anxiousness at seeing her today. In turn, her daughter seemed quite taken with him too although secretly she knew that she would be. Quite honestly, their meeting was more than she could have ever hoped for and it seemed her fears about Paul were unfounded. Well, for now at least but she knew this was just the beginning of a long road ahead for them. Still, her heart had lifted every single time she had watched them interact with one another today. It was in those moments only that she realised how badly she had wanted this for her daughter although if she was honest, there was a selfish part of her that had wanted this too; the same selfish part that allowed her to dream and imagine that she got the happily ever after she was constantly searching for. A happily ever after that always included the boy she had fallen in love with and the man who still had every bit of that love. Time had never changed the fact that Paul was the beat of her heart and it was a heart that without him would always remain incomplete.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 17

Stephanie sighed as she pulled another essay from the messily stacked pile just beside her. The hastily scribbled words blurred in front of her and she blinked heavily, pushing her black rimmed spectacles up into her hair. The paper fluttered back to the pile as she leant back against the seat tossing her red biro pen to the table hearing it bump and roll across the polished wood. Stifling a yawn, Stephanie felt her head pound and decided she was in desperate need of a break after spending the better part of an hour reading her student's attempts to surmise the infamous Shakespeare play, Macbeth. It was a play she had struggled to understand during her own time at school and even now, teaching it to thirty plus sixteen year olds, she still found the language sometimes a little difficult to grasp.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?" Stephanie replied grateful for the distraction as she turned to look at her daughter who was slowly wandering across towards her.

Mya's attention was fully focused on the hand held games system gripped in both hands. The shiny silver console had been a present from Paul which he had given to her just last weekend. The gift had been under the pretence that he was rewarding her efforts for the picture she had drawn for school resulting in her winning first prize in an art competition. And while Stephanie had no doubt that Paul was every bit as proud as she was about their daughter's accomplishment, the truth was the gift was just his excuse to spoil her. Because in the couple of months Paul had spent getting to know Mya, Stephanie could see the flicker of guilt that would occasionally linger in his expression when he was caught up in a silent moment just watching her. And time hadn't changed him so much that she couldn't tell what he was thinking. She knew Paul was beating himself up inside for all the lost time he had missed with her and was now trying so hard to find a way to make up for it. Of course she had told him countless times that he didn't need to be so extravagant and just being there for Mya was more than enough. Having her father in her life was all she needed and it was all Stephanie had ever wanted for their child.

"Mommy?..." Mya repeated stopping again as her concentration wandered and her small slender fingers continued to jab at some buttons. Stephanie rolled her eyes in amusement as she shifted round in her seat.

"Mya, why don't you put the game down so you can tell me what it is that you want?" she suggested.

"It's just……"

The nine year old paused and sighed heavily as the console made a melodic descending beep. Her perfect nose scrunched in disappointment as she looked up at her mother and scowled.

"I lost my game."

"Well better luck next time, huh?"

"But it's not fair." she exclaimed lightly pouting. "I was on the second level now I have to go back to the start again."

"But that's okay." offered Stephanie trying to pacify her. "And anyway it gives you the chance to practice and maybe beat your score."

"No I won't because it's really hard to get those ring things! Stupid game!"

She tried her best to bite back her smile as Mya placed the console down on the counter in frustration and tugged at her messy ponytail. "So what did you want to ask me?" Stephanie reminded her.

Her daughter's face lit up with recognition and her dismay at her loss was quickly forgotten as she recalled the question that had been on her mind. "Oh yeah! Can Paul come for pizza with us later?"

"I don't know if he can. His flight was getting in later than usual so I don't think he'll be able to make it."

"Well can you call him and ask him if he can? Please?" Mya pleaded with her big brown eyes staring back at her.

"Sure." Stephanie replied as she rolled her lips together not the least surprised by her baby girl's eagerness to spend time with Paul. The moment she'd picked her up from her out-of-school club this afternoon Mya had asked what time he was coming over. She really looked forward to the weekends he visited and had grown to love the time the three of them spent together. Stephanie had to admit that she did too. It was really nice having Paul back in her life again and while there were still those occasional awkward moments between them, there were also the moments where she would look over at him and feel this rush of warm familiarity. It was a familiarity that made it seem like he had never been away at all. He was still that boy who was her best friend and a friend who was bonded to her by the blood they had shared in the pact they had made to each other so long ago.

"Can you call him now?"

Stephanie laughed at her daughter's dogged persistence as she lifted her glasses from her hair and felt her loose brown strands fall around her face as she tossed them on top of the papers she was grading. "You seem pretty keen to see him." she commented.

"I like him Mommy. Paul's funny and he makes me laugh and when he gets here I'm going to ask if he'll help me with my model for show and tell."

"Oh I'm sure he will." she smiled as she stood up from the table and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Listen why don't you get washed up for dinner and I'll call Paul and see if he can make it tonight."

"Okay." Mya nodded as she skipped towards the adjoining living room.

Stephanie absently scratched at her cheek as she wandered behind the dark granite counter and picked up the receiver of the phone that hung upon the wall. She was just about to dial when she heard the loud chime of the doorbell.

"Mya, can you get the door?" she called out as her manicured digits pressed the small square buttons momentarily pausing as she tried to recall the correct order for the numbers currently jumbled in her head. But the numbers were soon forgotten as she heard the surprised cry from the direction of the living room.

"Paul!"

Her lips curved up gently and the receiver gave a light click as she replaced it in the cradle. Stephanie tried to ignore the nervous excitement she could feel fluttering in her chest as she walked through from the kitchen. Because it was pathetic really how Paul's presence affected her and how badly she looked forward to her Friday evenings now. It had become a bright ray of sunshine in the dullness of her mundane routine. And come Sunday evening when he was gone again, she was even counting the hours, wishing them away until the next weekend rolled around. Quite honestly, it getting ridiculous and she really needed to try and get a grip of herself.

But as she lingered in the doorway and took in the sight in front of her, Stephanie knew it could never be that easy. Not with the way she felt about him and they were feelings that she could no longer ignore now Paul was back in her life again. His presence had stirred her soul and awoken all the feelings she'd hidden deep inside there for so long.

He was currently standing just beside the window listening to Mya regale him with the story of her school week and his face wore this focused, gentle expression as he gave her his full attention. That was one of the things she had always cherished about their friendship. When she had talked to Paul about anything no matter how insignificant, he had always listened to her. He was listening to Mya now whilst softly smiling and Stephanie took the opportunity to stand still and admire him for a moment. His soft blonde hair was tucked behind his ears and his hands were stuffed in his jeans pockets. The faded denims hugged him perfectly and they were accompanied by a green hooded sweatshirt she had seen him wear one time before. If she recalled correctly, it was during his visit three weeks ago so how was that for being pathetic! And what made it even worse was that she knew it had been the Saturday when they had taken Mya to the movies. She should know because she had spent the majority of her time with one eye on the huge cinema screen and the other continuously glancing over in Paul's direction.

"Mommy, Paul's here!"

Mya's excited announcement lifted her from her haze and Stephanie smiled back at her beautiful beaming face.

"So I see."

She lifted her head and allowed her eyes to seek out his deep brown orbs feeling her heart skip a beat when they finally locked on one another.

"Hey Steph."

"Hey."

She nervously brushed her hand through her hair as her feet shuffled across the soft carpet towards them. Paul's large presence seemed to fill the room and it took her a second to fully catch her breath.

"So I have to congratulate you on your good timing. I was just trying to call you." she smiled and glanced down as she felt the tug on her arm.

"Can you ask him now? Please, Mommy."

"Okay, sweetie. Calm down." she told her rolling her eyes at her daughter's impatience and briefly noticing Paul's face flicker with amusement as he gazed back over at Mya.

"Ask me what?"

"Well Mya was wondering if you wanted to join us for dinner tonight." Stephanie explained.

"Yeah and we're having pizza. Mommy promised we could." Mya informed him as she lifted a finger to scratch at her nose and stared at him inquisitively. "You like pizza don't you?"

Paul pressed his lips together and rolled them thoughtfully as he pretended to ponder over her question. "Hmmm, see that all depends. Is there pepperoni on this pizza you speak of?"

Her ponytail bobbed on the top of her head as she nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. There's cheese and pepperoni and everything else."

"Well in that case, I think you've got yourself a deal toots." he grinned.

"Neat! Can we go once I've put my shoes on?"

"Yes and wash your face while you're up there!" Stephanie reminded her as Mya bounded towards the stairs. Her footsteps echoed on the ceiling above them as she scurried along the hall.

"Someone's hungry!" commented Paul as his smile lingered at the corner of his lips.

Stephanie smiled back as she wandered across to the sofa and picked up the misplaced cream cushion. "She's been desperate to go ever since I picked her up from school. And of course, she's even more excited now you're coming along."

She lifted her head as she absently plumped up the padded material. There was no mistaking the softness in Paul's expression or the silent pleasure she could see that he had taken from her words. She knew how much it meant to him to have Mya like him and not only that, actually want to spend time with him when he was here. He wasn't just "Mommy's friend" to her, someone she had to put up with being around every weekend. She was beginning to grow quite fond of him actually. Paul had really made the effort to talk to Mya and his fun and easy manner around her had encouraged her to open up to him. And it had personally warmed her heart to see both of them grower closer over the last couple of months and their relationship had been even more than she had hoped for. Paul had slotted so easily into their lives that at the weekends, he was practically part of their family routine and nothing was done or organised without including him.

Yet while this was everything she had wanted for their child, there was still a part of her that was waiting for the other shoe to drop, the part of her that couldn't still fully trust that Paul was now back in her life and here to stay. Losing him all those years ago had completely devastated her and she wasn't sure she could survive it a second time. And of course this time, it wouldn't just be her heart that was broken. Mya's would be too and that to her would be more crippling than her own shattered soul. That's why she needed a little more time just to make sure Paul wouldn't run when the going got tough. Because while he was coping with the responsibility so far, he was still able to hide under the pretence that he was only a friend. Having fun with Mya and going out for pizza was the easy part. The hard part would be when she found out the truth and they had to find a way to deal with the fallout. Their daughter would undoubtedly be confused and terribly upset. She would probably be hurt and angry too and while Stephanie knew she could cope with those emotions, she wasn't so sure Paul could. He had already admitted to feeling scared and unsure about what he could offer Mya in the way of emotional stability. And the reality of that admission made her a little scared too. Scared enough that she wanted to hold back on revealing Paul's real identity for a little while longer just until she was sure he was ready and she could trust him completely.

"I hope you don't mind that I just turned up like this. I know you weren't expecting me here so early."

Stephanie shook her head and smiled to reassure Paul as she placed the cushion back down in its proper place on the sofa.

"It's just the job I was working on finished up quicker than I expected. I thought I would make the most of it and catch the afternoon flight and then when I got here, I just wanted to check that we were still on for taking Mya to that carnival tomorrow morning."

"I think we'd better be. I know I told you last night she's talked about nothing else all week."

As Paul's brown eyes sparkled with his laughter, Stephanie rolled her lips together thoughtfully pondering over his words and feeling slightly guilty that they had obviously taken up his evening. Paul had only come over to double check their plans but instead he had been roped into joining them for pizza. Maybe he had other plans, plans that didn't involve her or Mya and she had to admit to being more than curious about what those were. Because he had to be doing something else while he was here during the weekends being Paul didn't spend all of his time with them while he was in Boston. Sure, he was here every Saturday and Sunday and more often than not he would have dinner with them on the Saturday night. However, most times he would leave pretty much straight after the plates were cleared, sometimes way before Mya's actual bedtime. It left her jealous mind with plenty of lonely hours wondering what he was doing and who he was doing it with.

"But you know, you don't have to feel obligated to come just because we asked you to. I mean, you might have made other plans." she said trying to act perfectly casually and innocently while she was really attempting to suss the situation out. Because while the old Stephanie would have come right out and asked her best friend if he had a date, this Stephanie was a lot more cautious because the said best friend was in a lot of ways a stranger to her. And also this Stephanie was completely aware she was in love with this man and any answer she got just might have the potential to punch her right in the gut.

"What plans? You mean calling room service at the hotel?" Paul joked teasingly as he raked his big hand through his hair completely unaware of her underlying intention.

"No. It's just……." Stephanie paused and sighed softly. "Well I don't know. You might have planned to see someone or do something."

"Like who? You and Mya are the only people I know in this city. Besides, I told you I was coming to visit her this weekend."

"Yeah, I know." she smiled just as the sound of Mya's footsteps bounding down the stairs interrupted them.

As Paul turned his head to smile in her direction, Stephanie saw the way his face lit up upon seeing her and was suddenly hit with a crushing disappointment. Sure it was more than she had ever dreamed of that he was visiting Mya and wanting to see her but what about her? What about the girl who used to be his best friend; the girl who used to know every little thing about him and a girl who was desperate to feel that sort of closeness to him again because when he was gone he was all she could think about. Yet when he was here she couldn't help but feel she was now second place to the common bond that they shared in their daughter. God, it was so selfish thinking that way but she couldn't help herself. Because Paul's face didn't light up when she entered the room and when he was here, their conversation and everything else revolved around Mya. And while she knew that's the way it probably should be, her heart ached for and wanted so much more.

"Mommy, are we leaving now?"

Mya's eager voice thankfully interrupted her train of thought as Stephanie nodded her head and headed back through to the kitchen.

"I'll just grab my purse."

Hours later after their pizza had been long consumed, they were back at the house once more and Stephanie's lips curved up gently as she walked into the small living room. She rubbed her full stomach as she lingered in the doorway much like she had this afternoon watching two of the most important people in her world sitting together watching television. She pressed her lips together feeling her heart filling with emotion at the sight of Paul on the sofa, his head tilted to the left and resting against the back of the cushion. The soft glow of the lamp only emphasised his beautiful face and seeing him sitting there like that, it felt like he already belonged there. Stephanie had to admit the house seemed a much warmer place with him around. It was almost like it had been missing something without him because the minute Paul walked out of that door she knew it would feel suddenly empty and cold again, almost like it needed his presence to make the house a home.

Just then Paul shifted on the sofa lifting his wrist to check his watch. As he lightly frowned, he must have sensed her watching him because when he turned his head, he smiled softly when he saw Stephanie standing there.

"Hey."

"Hey." she smiled back as she wandered over towards them smoothing down her sweater and noticing Mya's attention still firmly fixed on the television screen. "Good movie?"

"Yeah. I think so. Some girl just traded places with some twin she didn't know she had or something." he explained as his nose crinkled cutely.

"Confusing?"

"Most definitely." he grinned causing Stephanie to feel that familiar tight grip in her chest. It was safe to say that Paul Levesque had the ability to completely take her breath away despite having no intention whatsoever of doing so.

"Anyway it's getting late. I should probably think about getting back to the hotel." he said as he pushed himself forward on the cushion.

"Aw! Are you leaving now?" asked Mya as her big brown eyes stared up at him sadly.

Paul felt those eyes suckering him in as he chuckled and affectionately ruffled her hair. "Yeah I have to. It's almost my bedtime you know and probably yours too."

"Yes it is." Stephanie chimed in. "Go and get your pyjamas on Mya and brush your teeth."

"But can we do our story?"

Paul smiled and glanced between the two girls curiously. "And what story is this may I ask?"

Mya's face beamed back at him excitedly as she began to explain. "It's a cool story, Paul. It's all about a princess. She's called Rose, see and she lives in this castle with her wicked stepmother. She makes Rose do all the chores and stuff and she's really mean. She makes her sleep in the attic upstairs with no television and no dolls or nothing. All she's got is this book that she can read. It's about a prince that rescues this princess from a great tall tower. It makes Rose want a prince all of her own."

"And does she get one?"

"I don't know. Mommy hasn't got that far."

"That's because someone keeps falling asleep before I can get to that part." smiled Stephanie.

"But your voice makes me sleepy." Mya giggled as her mother sat down beside her and playfully poked her side completely unaware that Paul's brown eyes were shining warmly as he watched their interaction.

"Hey, Mommy's voice always put me to sleep too."

Stephanie's nose wrinkled with her scowl as she reached out to swat at him and he chuckled as he successfully dodged from her path.

"So Mommy told you stories too?"

Paul nodded his head as he tucked his blonde strands behind his left ear. "Sometimes she did. It was usually when we went camping and stuff."

"Camping? Can we go camping sometime too?" asked Mya as she bounced enthusiastically on the cushion.

"Sure. Maybe we could go one weekend when the weather gets better." said Stephanie as she brushed her fingers through her daughter's hair smoothing back the wispy strands that had escaped from her ponytail.

"And can Paul come?"

"If he wants to, yes." Stephanie said slowly lifting her head to see him nod his agreement.

"Sure. I'd like that."

"Good. So now we're all agreed, you can go upstairs and get ready for bed."

Mya rolled her eyes and her shoulders slumped as she sighed heavily and got off her seat. "Okay."

"Say goodnight to Paul."

"Goodnight Paul." she said and startled him as she reached over to wrap her arms around his neck. It was the first time she had hugged him like this and Paul felt something shift inside him as his eyes briefly fluttered shut and slid his hands around her, hugging her back. Her slender frame felt tiny in his huge arms as he breathed in the faint scent of her strawberry shampoo and it took a second to collect himself when she finally broke free.

"Goodnight toots." he replied softly as she skipped towards the staircase.

Her footsteps paused when Mya stood on the bottom step, her hand lightly gripping the varnished pine banister as she looked over in their direction. "Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"I think it's really nice that your Mommy's friend again. I like having you come and see us all the time."

Paul's lips curved into a gentle smile as he watched her scamper up the steps. Stephanie swallowed hard beside him feeling a tightening in her chest and wishing that she had the courage to tell him the exact same thing. Because every word Mya had just spoken was the truth. It was nice having him back in her life and when Paul was here and all three of them were together like this, suddenly all the best pieces of her life were in one place. Her world got a lot brighter and for that short space of time, she could begin to feel whole again.


End file.
